bullies

kids can be mean creatures. maybe in suburban maryland, after a young boy was brutally beaten to death in broad daylight, we are more in tune to it than some other places. maybe not. i suppose bullies exist in all part of the world. i wish they didnt have to exist in summer camp. f. has been having a bit of a rough time this summer at the camp we selected. [insert guilty mom themes here]

so i am opening it up to you internets, what do you do when your child is bullied? a completely unscientific poll as of yet has revealed that anyone with a Y chromosome says tell him to beat the crap out of the kid and it will be over. those lacking the Y choromosome tend to offer sympathy and advice leaning more towards taking it up with the authorities. at this point we are taking a mini break from camp and reassessing on monday. yesterday the low point of my day was listening to my child recount the story where a third party was sent to "karate chop" him because he asked for his pokemon card back, because the kid he had given it to didnt have a card to trade. the y chromosome advice is sounding pretty good...

over dinner

f: mom, am i adorable?
me: yes
f: oh man!!
me: why, who asked you that?
f: you dont need to know that!
me: was it a teacher (at camp)?
f: no.
me: how old was she?
f: i dont know, but she is in 5th grade.
me: oh, is she pretty?
f: yeah, i guess.
me: are you going to make her your girlfriend?
f: no.
me: why not?
f: i am just not up to it.
me: up to what?
f: having girlfriends.
me: oh, when do you think you will be up to having girlfriends?
f: i dont know mom, for now i just want to have pals. after i have pals, then i guess i will have girlfriends. can i have some more syrup?

bad mom

when i learned i was pregnant with twins, i had little idea about the impact the pregnancy itself would have on my unborn children. the human body is not meant to grow more than one baby at a time, yet somehow it stretches and make accommodations for all those little arms and legs and fingers and toes, and in the case of my children - big heads. since i was having a relatively easy pregnancy i think i was a bit shocked when i went for my 25 week check up to learn that i was already measuring full term. so to my body, it was like i was already carrying a full term singleton. it should have come as no surprise when less than a week later i landed in the hospital because my body was beginning to prepare for the delivery. the fact that i made it 5 weeks beyond that is an accomplishment that took a lot of hard work and dedication and lots of medicine. unless you have spent 5 weeks on bedrest, you cant really understand just how taxing that can be, physically and emotionally. people who havent been in that position think its like a vacation. i am telling you - its not. it was life altering.

while i knew the pregnancy had already been categorized as "high risk," i dont think i fully realized everything that would come to mean. what exactly would my children face because they were born 9 weeks early? how long would they be faced with those consequences? not being able to breath on their own. blood transfusions. head ultrasounds. infections. repeated hospitalizations. developmental delays. endless doctors appointments. evaluations. weekly therapy. at nearly 31 months out i still can not answer that question. they are still facing those consequences. and that just sucks.

today i visited with the boys speech therapist to go over the results of their most recent evaluation. seeing in writing that your 30 month old child has the expressive language skills of a child 14 months old is difficult. i know we are doing all the right things. i know we are soo lucky to have these resources available to us. i know that he is a happy and well adjusted child. i know all of the things that are supposed to make me feel better. but somehow today i still feel like a bad mom.