my head is all over the place

yesterday was just one of those days. up, down, all around - the kind that has you wondering is this just life or am i freakin' bipolar?!? we didnt really have any plans, so we just sort of drifted around. it was maryland hot and humid, like disgustingly so. we went to the park, but even fin was too hot to play. so we walked down to the water and just sat and watched the boats. i love that i can do this in my own town. we saw a blue heron and some unidentified fish(?) in the water. fin was convinced it was two sharks - it still has me wondering. even though it was depressingly hot, we had fun together. max and keegan were little sleeping angels and it was a good outing.

when i got home i made some phone calls, checked email, just plain caught up. i was talking to a good friend, and it was soo nice to be asked how i was doing. not just the hey how are you - but the really, tell me how you are managing. you have been through a lot, how are you feeling i want to hear your answer kind of question. the thing is, i feel like i am a walking mixed review. some days i am feeling soo blessed to have such a full family. max and keegan really are great babies, they let me sleep, they entertain each other, they clearly love their big brother, and lets face it, they are cute (no bias here)! fin is growing up before my very eyes. he is so very expressive and communicative, which blows my mind at least once a day. the things he says crack me up (see fly on wall post). on the other hand, when i said to the pediatrician this week, that i ought to just move in, he agreed and says, so who are we seeing today! ok, i have been there way too much. being a mom of a preemie is hard work. max and keegan got accepted into the infant and toddlers program this week. its sort of a good news/bad news scenerio. its a great program, but their acceptance means they are delayed. in some areas, they are only performing like a 3 month old. i know in the long run everything will be ok, its just draining some days. and if keegan gets pink eye one more time, i am going to cry myself to sleep. so my response to my great friend was sort of a mixed bag - which she totally understood.

also, yesterday, i learned that a fellow mother of multiples, who recently delivered her twins at 26 weeks, lost one of her babies. my heart just aches for this woman i have not yet met. i cant help but think, that could of been me. i entered the hospital at 26 weeks and by the grace of god was able to hold on until 31 weeks. i cant imagine what this mom is going through. the nicu days are soo hard and i am crying just thinking about what she is facing. i pray that she has good support. her babies were born in the 1 lb range - just soo tiny. it takes me back to those raw days. i remember holding keegan the first time and the first thing he did was cry. and i thought, i am soo not ready for this. but the nurse was wonderful and knew what to do right away. and keegan snuggled in for his first kangaroo session and he was soo warm and soo tiny. he fit right on my chest and just loved me. it was beautiful. and i can just hope that this poor mom got to have at least one moment like that with her lost child. meanwhile, here i am complaining about pink eye.

then the phone rings, and it is the home health care nurse who visited us the first few weeks that max and keegan were home. i need help she said. i have a mother of multiples right now who is just lost. can you give me the number for the MOMs group, she asked. this is a great support group and i am feeling lucky to be a part of it.

anyway - enough brain dump. early this week, i was watching a show about a mother of quints and she said summed things up by saying that she would rather have her hands full than empty any day. what a beautiful response to the onlookers who tactlessly say, boy you sure do have your hands full. amen sister!

really, when did that happen?!?!

i have a 4 year old! i really can't believe it. it seems like only yesterday he was learning to crawl, and then walk. it is crazy. we have celebrated his birthday to death really. granny and pop came last weekend, before their bon voyage, to kick start the celebrations. on thursday we went to chuck e. cheese with 10 of fin's friends and then our dear friends from ithaca came for a sleepover celebration. then on saturday (the actual bday) we went to the national zoo with the in-laws (insert your own in-law/zoo appropriateness joke here). the grand finale was the presentation of his gift from jon and i. this picture really captures it...

fly on the wall

if you were a fly on the wall, here are some things you might have overheard recently in my house:

fin: have a great time on your cruise granny! i hope you make lots of new friends
granny: ok, i will!
fin: i hope you get lots of sweet love from your new friends.

_________

fin: mommy, max is really cuter than keegan you know.
mommy: hmm

_________

jon: come on hun, do you wanna - you know (wink, wink)
me: are you on crack?!

_________

me: keegan, you are a mess!
keegan: hee, hee!!

_________

mil: how do you tell them apart?!
me: (i can't believe i am hearing this in my own home)

dumb things you do when managing 3 kids at once

i feel silly even sharing this, but i know one day i will read this again and laugh at the absurdity. we were leaving the drs office today, all three kiddos in tow, all three kiddos hungry and a prescription to take to the pharmacy thanks to the computers being down at said drs. office. so in the minivan we pile. i thought, i will just feed max and keegan in the van and then head to the pharmacy. not a bad plan. fin was even a good helper (until he learned that i had big kid snacks in my enormous diaper bag as well). so i turned the air on (see prior post about humidity getting to me) and climbed in the way back with fin. this gave me the perfect vantage point to max and keegan, both securely strapped in their rear facing car seats. it was a smooth feeding session, which was a bonus. now all there was to do was to exit the van and climb in the drivers seat and go to the pharmacy. enter child safety locks! turns out i was locked in the back of the van with three kids! well, at least the air conditioning was running and all three were fed. after some acrobatics and temporarily relocating keegan and the aforementioned enormo diaper bag i was just barely able to reach the keys in the ignition to pull them out to use the remote to open the back door. i have to admit that much of the child safety devices are really adult proof as well! oh well, maybe tomorrow i will actually behave like a brunette!

deer ticks and other things i loathe about maryland

over the weekend, we discovered a deer tick attached to fin's belly - just above his navel. jon has noticed the day before, but thought it was a scab. when i saw it, and investigated further we discovered it was a deer tick. ugh - it had been attached for at least 24 hours!! two neighbors on the cul-de-sac already have lyme's disease and a dog lost his life to it. great - just what we need! so off to the drs we went today and now fin will be on antibiotics for the next 20 days (recommended by the CDC for endemnic areas like maryland). i am fed up with the ticks. and the humidity is really getting to me as well! it is only june! apparantly the deer ticks thrive on humidity as well - another reason to loathe it! oh sweet maryland - good thing you offer yummy steamed crabs or we would be so outta here!

fast friends

the boys are really becoming fast friends. all three of them, which just warms my heart! when i was pregnant i was so worried that fin would get lost in the shuffle when these two little boys arrived. when we found out they were boys, i felt a little better. but fin was upset, because we had been talking about 1 boy and 1 girl (as all the twins in my family have occurred). he wanted to know what happened to his girl. he has definitely gotten over that. he is so proud of his brothers, and sings them songs when they are sad or plugs them up with their binkies when they are loud. what a great helper!

max and keegan are really gaining interest in each other. they look around the room when they enter a new room to see who is there, looking for their counterpart. they hold hands and pull on each others clothes, ears, whatever they can get hold of at the time. they smile at each other and chatter to each other. its great fun to watch. here are some recent pics. it has been awhile since i posted any pics.
















max, fin, keegan hanging out watching baby einstein





















there isnt much keegan wont eat - fingers are great in a pinch!






















sleepy max
















yummy avocado - keegan is a messy eater!!

















love thy brother (keegan left, max right)

















couldnt resist!

dr. visit without a helper

well, it was certainly interesting visiting the dr. today without the help of my mom or jon. i have been with the two of them before alone, but just when only one baby was seeing the dr. managing both was a different story. all in all it went well - it was a little hairy trying to calm them both down after the shots. the nurse was nice enough to wait until i had keegan calmed down before giving max his shots. but as soon as i picked max up to console him, she was gone and then keegan was upset again. they are getting hard to pick up at once - and my back complains if i do too much of that.

overall, max and keegan were very well behaved for the appointment and are growing on a nice curve. max weighs 15lb 9oz and keegan weighs 18lb 13oz! not bad for 31 weekers! keegan is an inch longer than his brother and has two inches more in the head circ. funny how that little peanut turned into the big guy. even the nurse called him a chunky monkey.

as mentioned, we saw a developmental specialist today as opposed to our regular pediatrician. she was very thorough. they have been watching max carefully with his umbilical hernia and hydrocele - both are almost rectified! so that was good news. in addition to the regular check up questions, the specialist performed a number of tests to see how the motor skills, muscle tone, socialization, etc of the boys compares with other 6 month old babies. she did say they were very socially engaged, which can be in our favor for language development. but basically, they are more in line with their adjusted age of 4 months. keegan has low muscle tone, which she anticipated causing some motor delays. ie, he is a chunker and it will be harder for him to roll over, sit up, etc. he needs a lot of tummy time to build his upper body strength and core strength. she was concerned about max's torticollis because not only is his neck favoring one side, but his core is as well. he needs some physical therapy. we called the infant and toddler program today, and hopefully he will be accepted. the program runs through the public school system, is free and provides in-home service. the in-home part is really appealing to me given the logistics of getting out with all three once a week for PT. i also asked the ITP to evaluate keegan to see about the muscle tone and some gagging problems he has been having with being spoon fed. the specialist wants to see them back when they are 10 mos. old to be sure all is in order.

being the mom of a preemie is a totally different experience than what i have had with fin. max and keegan are amazing little kiddos and we are soo blessed with their good health. yet there have been a ton more drs. appointments than with fin and more stress watching for milestones, etc. plus, it is hard not to compare them to one another - let alone other 6 mo. babies. i am very grateful to live in an area where all of these services are at our fingertips.

later this month fin has his 4 year checkup - i can hardly believe he is going to be 4!!

6 months old today!!

i know i keep saying this, but i can hardly believe how fast this past few months have gone. max and keegan are 6 months old today. max is trying to crawl, although right now he looks like an inchworm when he attempts to crawl. once the kiddo figures out he will have more luck if he lifts his head up, i am in trouble! keegan's eyes are finally starting to clear up - thank goodness!! hopefully we are permanently on the way to clear eyes for him. tomorrow is their 6 month checkup so i am eagerly anticipating it. as it turns out, i will be going solo. well, fin wants to tag along - although i did arrange a playdate for him. i am hoping he will go on the playdate. we are seeing a developmental specialist instead of our regular ped. i am a little nervous, a. because i am not sure how i will simultaneously soothe two babies post shots, and b. i am hoping we are not soo far behind the curve that there is concern or we need to start going to the clinic at UMD. i will post weights, and other findings later in the week.

other than that, things are just chugging along here. jon's work still sucks. recently a survey was done of a bunch of fed. agencies, and his came in dead last with a pathetic approval rating of management of 18%. i think even bush has better numbers than that! in fact the report of the findings of this survey said that the results in his agency were so pathetic that to include them in the overall analysis would unfairly skew the results of the rest of the agencies. gee - i wonder why they are having a tough time recruiting?! the head of the agency and her right hand have become two of the coldest people i have ever met. the right hand, who used to be jon's friend, has yet to acknowledge the fact that max and keegan were born. not that i expect gifts or even a card, but a simple congratulations to jon would have at least been civil. i took this woman on a behind the scenes tour at the smithsonian, and she cant even acknowledge the birth of two children. the lastest thing is that they are manipulating rules so that noone can arrange leave more than 2 pay periods in advance. this is putting a wrench in our plan to go to OBX in the fall. jon hasnt taken a real vacation (whole week off) in more than 1.5 years. for crying out loud, they wouldnt even let him work from home for 2 days while i was on bedrest. i am fed up with them, but at the same time feel bad that jon has to go there everyday. i have worked for some real winners myself and know it can be draining. i am trying to be supportive, but likely failing in that area. anyway - enough of that. i will post again after our appt. this week.

we are officially a side show

ok, it seems that no matter where we go, we are the side show. while i never get tired of hearing that my babies are beautiful, i do get tired of hearing some of the other comments. here are just a few of the things that people think are good converstation starters...

-"are they twins?" usually followed by "how do you tell them apart?" now really, if you couldnt tell them apart, were you really questioning if they were twins? and do i really have to explain how i tell them apart? i love them, thats how i tell them apart! and honestly, they dont look alike to me.
-"oh look, its double the trouble!" if people even knew what we went through just to get pregnant, this would be the last thing to pass through their lips
-"are they natural?" as opposed to fake? but really, is it your business how they were conceived?
-"oh look, there are two of them!" i am still not sure how to respond to this one!
-"how do you do it?" the same way we all parent, you just learn as you go.

the attention can be draining. but i also sometimes really feel bad for fin, because generally it is all directed at his brothers. i try to include him by saying he is the best big brother or something like that. but people generally follow that up with something rude like, "so when are you going to try for a girl?" or the equally witty "oh poor you, three boys!". it does make the quick errand turn into an event. people actually block your way to tell you about who they know that is a twin. recently, the wife of a twin got really snippy with me because i was talking to her husband (the twin). she actually asked if i was talking to him because i figured out he was a twin. umm, no, actually your husband initiated the converstaion and i was trying to politely answer his questions about my own children.

when we are not performing as the local side show, we are busy meeting other milestones. keegan rolled over (from front to back) this weekend twice! the first time he really scared himself i think. then the second time he was soo proud he was giggling with glee. i guess it wont be long before they become mobile. i am not sure what i am in for once that happens! poor keegan still has pink eye - we just cant kick it. we are on our third round of treatment and will end up at the opthamologist next week if this doesnt do it. fingers crossed we dont end up there. apparently his blocked tear ducts and reflux are both contributing to the problem.

max sat up for the first time a few days ago - of course just for a few seconds. but he is getting stronger and stronger and i think he is close to rolling over as well. they will be 6 months old this week!

fin finished preschool last week. i am regretting not signing up for more camp/activities already. but i guess it will be nice not to set the alarm everyday. hopefully he will be well occupied in our own backyard. there was a graduation ceremony to cap off the year of preschool that was adorable. the whole school participated, even though just the kindergartners officially graduated. the music teacher at calvary is amazing - she had the whole school up there singing at once. then when the 5 year olds got their diplomas, she sang them each a little song and played the guitar as they each walked across the alter. i was teary eyed - so i can only imagine how their parents felt. i will really miss the school if fin ends up in the public school in the fall.