today we made the journey to pennsylvania to celebrate j.'s birthday with his parents. this is how it went:
8am
wake up in own bed and moan when i remember the plans for the day. roll over, try to ignore the fact that j. wanted to be on the road by 9am and all the boys including j. are still snoring.
8:30
succumb to the guilt and prod jon, telling him we should get up if he wants to get on the road at a decent hour. lodge my first official complaint about the days plans, by saying something clever like "this day is going to suck!"
8:45
get out of bed after j. discovered that one of the children, who i suppose shall remain nameless, created a mural on his wall with a self-produced medium. grumble about how this is probably an omen for the day.
9
get the kids in clean clothes and pack diapers, food, treats and spare clothes for the day for the day. feed everyone breakfast, fold load of laundry, start new load of laundry, try to think of what else i can possibly do before having to leave for the day. come up empty.
9:46
dose f. up with dramamine hoping this will be exactly what he needs to avoid getting carsick.
9:47
head back upstairs for a shower.
9:52
start getting rushed out the door by jon, who has now decided we will absolutely be on the road no later than 10am.
10
make 3 trips back inside from driveway retrieving forgotten items.
10:05
exit driveway.
10:05.10
ask if jon packed f.'s book on tape, learn he did not, and make another return trip, this time from the top of the street.
10:09
make first stop for gas, atm and breakfast for adults.
10:27
actually get on the road.
11:49
call in-laws and let them know we are going to be late.
1pm
finally arrive, marvel at how well dramamine worked and wonder why no one suggested this earlier to us! let kids run around yard, even though its wet and muddy hoping to avoid entering the house of tchotchkes.
1:06
agree it is raining and take the party inside. pick up m. who is immediately assaulted by one of the three ugliest cats on the planet and try to soothe him and explain that its not in fact a monster, its just a cat.
1:15
sit down to lunch, continue to soothe max who will not release himself from my person.
1:27
finish lunch and take the kids down to the "play area" otherwise known as a 3x5 latchhook rug that is surrounded by a fireplace on one side, a console tv on another and 1,001 tchotchkes on the other. begin to move breakable things out of reach while simultaneously trying to contain unused toys that are tripping my children all jammed onto a 3x5 area rug.
1:29
agree that FIL looks tired and encourage him to go take a nap. envy FIL for being able to escape the chaos.
1:30
return to corralling kids, toys and tchotchkes.
3:15
give up and put in a movie for kids, hoping they will settle down for a bit.
3:17
try to explain the plot to "finding nemo" to my MIL, for the third time.
3:45
take the kids outside again, deciding that they need to run around abit.
3:52
come back inside because it started raining again.
3:53
give kids a bath, for no other reason other than to pass time, and let them play in a spot that is bigger than the effing latchhook rug. say thanks but no thanks to the rubber ducky that MIL offers because the bottom is literally black from what i can only assume is mold.
4:30
agree that kids are pruny enough and get them out of the tub.
4:31
get kids dressed, clean up mess in bathroom, send kids back to latchhook rug.
4:32
return to corralling kids, toys and tchotchkes.
4:33
start to answer questions about when dinner will be ready.
4:43
notice that the ceiling in play area is actually riddled with mold and realize that is probably why my throat is becoming sore and my head is aching.
4:44
continue corralling kids, toys and tchotchkes while answering questions about when dinner will be ready.
5:30
sneak f. into kitchen for a snack.
6:13
finally get the kids to the table for dinner.
6:17
break out coloring books in attempt to keep kids at dinner table.
6:18
excuse f. from dinner table.
6:19
get up from table for the 15th time to corrall little boys back into their seats.
6:21
give up and take little boys down to watch cartoon.
6:45
start giving j. dirty looks and begin begging to go home.
6:47
sing happy birthday to j. and marvel at the fact that even though he is holding two two year olds his mother still expects him to cut the cake with a carving knife that is 15 inches long.
6:48
begin to think of other uses for the 15 inch blade.
6:49
try to taste cake while silmutaneously keeping 3 exhausted kids at the table.
7:02
finally say outloud in front of in-laws that i think the boys have reached their breaking point.
7:08
strap boys into their carseats and start to feel the tension fall away from my shoulders.
7:10
make final sweep of house of tchotchkes and make mad dash for minivan.
7:18
make jon stop to get us drinks because everyone's throat is burning from the mold exposure. rename the "house of tchotchkes" the "moldy house of tchotchkes".
9:49
finally arrive home and settle boys into bed.
10:02
visit the bathroom for the first of what will become 18 times overnight and realize that in-laws have undoubtedly decided to poison me.
