merry, merry christmas

its beginning to look a lot like christmas

only 3 days to go and i am checking off my list. tree in stand and decorated. check. christmas cards in the mail. check. presents bought and hidden. check. snow. check to the tune of 20+ inches!! all that is left to do is wrap gifts which is proving to be a challenge because the snow has brought the holiday break to us by express delivery as opposed to the ground delivery that i selected. here is hoping that school is in session tomorrow!! in the meantime, here are some recent pics to keep you entertained.

m.

im pul sive

--adjective

1. actuated by or prone to act on impulse.

2. inclined to act on impulse, rather than thought.

3. acctuated or swayed by emotional or involuntary impulses.

REF: see pic below

happy 3rd birthday sweet boys!!

i can not believe that 3 years have passed since i was wheeled into the operating room, preparing to meet you. i can not believe that we once weighed you boys in grams, celebrating every miniscule increase! i can not believe that even though you joined us 9 weeks early, you have made such tremendous strides and are now attending preschool and riding the school bus like big boys. i can not believe that today you are three years old. look how big you have gotten...

"because i said so"

i think we have all heard the phrase "because i said so" snarled our direction through gritted teeth at one point or another in our childhood. as a child i know i didnt realize the frustration level the adult must have been experiencing and the control it took for them to utter that phrase and not something else. these last few weeks, my six year old has been pushing me to the brink and i have found myself snarling clever things like "because i said so" or "because i am your mother and i make the rules!" what is it about being 6 years old that is soo rough i am wondering?!

this morning at the busstop went something like this:

me: gee, i am glad it finally stopped raining.
f.: me too, now i can play tag today.
me: well, its pretty muddy and slippery out there from all the rain, i dont think that playing tag is a good idea today. maybe you can play something else, like rock, paper, scissors with your friends.
f.: i have to play tag, its the only fun thing i get to do every morning.
me: f. i really dont think its a good idea.
f.: fine, i will play zombie tag, we will walk like zombies. but i am still playing tag.
me: (sigh)

then i proceed to get everyone out of the car, get m. and k. all ready with their backpacks and waiting for the bus. it is such a busy intersection and busstop that i stand there holding m&k hands. f. runs off to play with his friends.

f: (in tears) moooommm, i cant go to school today.
me: why not?
f: look at me
me: (now noticing he is covered from head to toe in mud) well, go wait in the car, after the little boys get on the bus, i will take you home to change

finish waiting for bus and get the little boys on the bus. return to the car and prepare to take fin home to get him changed.

f: mmmooommm, why didnt you tell me not to play tag???!!!

top 10 things i want to remember about our trip to disney

we had a fantastic trip, pictures to follow. but before the memories start to slip into the oblivion of my mostly useless brain, i wanted to record some of the things i want to remember:

1. f., who sometimes gets carsick on the 20 minute trip to granny and pops only got carsick twice in the 30+ hours we spent in the car. thank you dramamine.
2. getting some special mommy, daddy and f. time to spend one night at the t-rex restaurant at downtown disney and f. wanting to do a bit of shopping for his brothers.
3. our first ride with the whole family, the safari ride in animal kingdom. m. was way more interested in the other jeeps full of passengers than the animals strategically placed along the way.
4. m. and k. enjoying the tram ride from the parking lots just as much as any of the other rides in disney.
5. m. falling asleep in the "finding nemo" musical in his daddy's arms.
6. m. and k. being a bit more brave then their older brother in any show that included 3D glasses.
7. going to the nighttime parade and fireworks and listening to m. say "the hurrade is coming sooooon!" fivehundredandtwentysix times.
8. the character breakfast with all my family. k. loves characters soo much, but apparently not soo much after his food has been delivered. i think he thought pooh was trying to eat his fruit.
9. skipping through the magic kingdom listening to christmas music with my family all wearing shorts.
10. listening to f. giggle uncontrollably while m. shouted "this is lots of funny" when we were trying to get everyone to fall asleep in the hotel on the way home.
11. floating around the lazy river at the townhouse resort with my whole family. (ok, i know thats 11, but deal people, it was super cute!)

quarter to stress AM

i have been alternatively staring at the ceiling and the clock for the last hour; finally giving up and hoping that getting some thoughts out will relieve some of the stress i am feeling. we had the boys official IEP meeting today with the wonderful people at Child Find. everything went wonderfully, in fact it could not have gone better. yet somehow i am still up at quarter to stress AM worried about how all of this is going to play out. i think part of it comes from having to sign official school documents today stating that both boys have disabilities in order to receive the necessary services. disabilities. the other part is my mind working overtime trying to figure out all the logistics of getting three boys ready for school in the morning on time. drop off of f. can be stressful enough, now how am i going to add two other kids to the mix?!

we were wrapping up the meeting this morning and the Child Find lady says, "ok, so i will call you to arrange a class visit to meet their new teacher." being the planner that i am, i needed to know when she might be calling. suddenly this idea occurs to her, "you know, we could start the boys right after thanksgiving instead of waiting until the new year. unless of course that would be too stressful for you?" and after i calmed my heart which was threatening to leap clear out of my chest, i agreed. now i cant help but wonder, am i stressed because she suggested it might be stressful?! was i wrong to be so looking forward to my boys going to school that i jumped at the opportunity to start them earlier than expected? did i really just sign papers that become part of their permanent record that states they are disabled?

turns out that writing all of this down isnt so much relieving the stress as labeling it more clearly. so here i am at quarter to stress AM. hoping that i am being a good mom, doing all the right things for my children. its quarter to stress AM, ever been here? what does quarter after stress AM look like?

resolved

today while i was trying to get the house back in order after a weekend that was full of neglecting anything indoors it occured to me that we have too much stuff. this is not exactly a revelation, but nonetheless, it bothers me. really, why do we have all this stuff? remind me when its time to make resolutions that i am going to motivate once the little boys start school in january and make an effort to get rid of some of this stuff.

can you smell it?

thats the magic in the air. perhaps my happy pills are working better than last month, or it might just be that i have gotten better about remembering to take them, but this weekend was wonderful! we got outside both weekend days and just enjoyed the season. the boys played in leaves for hours while daddy blew them around with his leaf blower. it was soo wonderful to enjoy the perfect weather; and even better to enjoy watching my three boys play together and not fight. the only breaks we took from the outdoors this weekend seemed to be to nourish ourselves and finalize our plans for dis.ney. magical!

nicu days

i visited my boys every day when they were in the nicu, except one day when i couldnt because i had a fever. the next day when i returned i found a cd with over 100 pictures of my babies from the day i missed. there were even some with the boys dressed as rudolph and santa as it was nearing christmas. if ihave said it once, i have said it 1,000 times, nicu nurses rock. nurse cheryl took time out of her day on that day i couldnt be with my boys to make memories for me that will last a lifetime. i just came across the cd today while looking for something else and thought i would share. here are few of them...

highs and lows

this week was crazy, here is a brief run down of some of the highs and lows:

1. spent good portion of a day convincing two two-year olds that in fact halloween only comes once a year and that in fact we would not be going door to door screaming trick or treat again this week.
2. listened to my 6 year old read a sponge bob joke book, laughing along as we got the jokes.
3. had a fun playdate with some good friends.
4. sorted $5000 worth of gift cards for the MOMs club.
5. barely survived an 1.5 hour long tantrum by an undernourished, not well rested preschooler.
6. drank a half a bottle of wine by myself.
7. cancelled the private speech therapist for k. because the boys got accepted into the early childhood intervention preschool starting in january for 5 days a week.
8. nursed a sick 6 year old who departed the school bus laiden with a fever; cancelled girls night out plans.
9. loaded the car up with the whole family to go to h1n1 shot clinic. spent two hours in waiting room while hubby entertained the kids in the car with videos. got shots for all the kids, returned to find car with dead battery.
10. drank other half of bottle of wine by myself.

seriously?!

have you read about this?

come on people, did you really buy the DVD or CD thinking it would turn your child into Einstein? shame on you!

in our house baby einstein is also known as "baby crack" - because when popped into the DVD player its like magic, the kids just sit and stare, much like a drug addict who has just hit the crack pipe. the real beauty of the DVDs are that you have just bought yourself 24 minutes to use the bathroom, return a phone call, sip your coffee, fold a load of laundry and all without an audience! if you are really clever and choose "repeat all" you can accomplish even more while your babies sit in a stupor and watch toys in action and listen to classical music.

i will be keeping my baby einstein DVDs and my kids will not likely becoming members of mensa anytime soon. and that is just fine by me!

for posterity

i know its a bit outdated at this point, but i wanted to write a bit about halloween so that i can remember it all later.

this year we had cookie monster (m.), elmo (k.) and darth vadar (f.) for costumes. i had neglected to try on the little boys costumes before the big day, which resulted in a good 20 minutes spent convincing k. that a costume was customary if you are going to knock on someone's door and hollar trick or treat. or "ta ta" if you are k. but once he got outside and saw that the rest of the kids did in fact have costumes on, he was all good. all the neighbors on the cul de sac met outside for pizza and a birthday celebration for one of our neighbors. it was a lot of fun. we followed that by trick or treating of course! i was not sure what to expect from m&k, but they rocked trick or treating. after the first house they had the idea, and were off and running. we were hard pressed to keep up with them all night. often times they ran right by the homeowner, who was stationed at the driveway with a huge bowl of candy, to clamor up the front stairs and knock on the door. they loved every minute of it and had to be dragged home kicking and screaming after covering a buckets full worth of homes. when we finally came home, we were a bit wet (rain) and a bit worse for wear, but that didnt stop the kids from devouring a bunch of candy.

granny and pop joined us for the night, which is always fun and lets face it a bonus to have more adults than kids! when granny and pop were leaving we noticed that some neighbors were walking by with their child. we have a particular affection for these neighbors because their son shares the name of f (full name and nickname). they are a cute family. even cuter on halloween. mom was dressed as a chicken, the baby an egg and dad a farmer wearing a sign that read "which came first?" f. got one look at them and after giggling says to the mom, "hey lady, what did you lose a bet?" fortunately she was good natured about it and laughed as hard as the rest of us. we had a great halloween and i look forward to many more in this great new neighborhood!

november is prematurity awareness month

Even if you do everything right, you can still have preterm labor. Preterm labor is a serious problem occurring before 37 weeks of pregnancy. This is too early, and your baby could be born too soon. Call your health care provider right away if you have any of these warning signs.

Warning Signs:

• Contractions (your abdomen tightens like a fist) every 10 minutes or more often
• Change in vaginal discharge (leaking fluid or bleeding from your vagina)
• Pelvic pressure—the feeling that the baby is pushing down• Low, dull backache
• Cramps that feel like your period
• Abdominal cramps with or without diarrhea
  

What Your Health Care Provider Might Tell You:

• Come into the office or go to the hospital right away.
• Stop what you were doing.
• Rest on your left side for one hour.
• Drink two to three glasses of water or juice (not coffee or soda).

Take Care of Yourself and Your Baby:

• Get regular prenatal checkups.
• Try to avoid stress. Ask family and friends for help.
• Don’t drink alcohol, smoke or take street drugs.
• If you feel burning or pain when you go to the bathroom, you may have an infection. Call your health care provider.

For more information, visit the march of dimes website.

3 years in the making

3 years ago today i went to see the high risk doctor excited to see my little boys swimming around on an ultrasound. little did i know that i would end up in the hospital in a matter of minutes, admitted for the next 5 weeks until those boys were born. things became a lot less carefree that day. suddenly it was a tenuous pregnacy and i was robbed of the joyousness.

9 weeks before their due date, m&k made an entrance and made the bedrest days seem like a walk in the park. ever since then my vocabulary seemed to be taken over by words like NICU, infection, transfusion, busy, whirlwind, crazy, therapy, delay, guilt, and can't.

i feel like i am just now coming up for a breath. i have finally started to gain some distance from the bedrest days and NICU hell. i am gaining confidence as a mother of 3 very active boys, two of whom are the same age. i have started to take on things like getting haircuts for all three boys on my own and visits to pumpkin patches with all three on my own. things are starting to fall in place, like preschool for m&k which will start in january - 5 DAYS A WEEK. its taken awhile, but i am finally starting to breathe again. 3 years in the making.

guilt, its whats for dinner

MIL is in the hospital. i am sad to say that my first thought was please do not let this ruin our trip to dis.ney. followed immediately by guilt. how do we learn guilt? how do you find the balance between living and harboring guilt? am i an evil biatch for wanting to experience dis.ney with my kids without a dark cloud following us around, or worse not being able to go at all because of untimely events? guilt, its whats for dinner.

vist to the (s)inlaws

today we made the journey to pennsylvania to celebrate j.'s birthday with his parents. this is how it went:

8am
wake up in own bed and moan when i remember the plans for the day. roll over, try to ignore the fact that j. wanted to be on the road by 9am and all the boys including j. are still snoring.

8:30
succumb to the guilt and prod jon, telling him we should get up if he wants to get on the road at a decent hour. lodge my first official complaint about the days plans, by saying something clever like "this day is going to suck!"

8:45
get out of bed after j. discovered that one of the children, who i suppose shall remain nameless, created a mural on his wall with a self-produced medium. grumble about how this is probably an omen for the day.

9
get the kids in clean clothes and pack diapers, food, treats and spare clothes for the day for the day. feed everyone breakfast, fold load of laundry, start new load of laundry, try to think of what else i can possibly do before having to leave for the day. come up empty.

9:46
dose f. up with dramamine hoping this will be exactly what he needs to avoid getting carsick.

9:47
head back upstairs for a shower.

9:52
start getting rushed out the door by jon, who has now decided we will absolutely be on the road no later than 10am.

10
make 3 trips back inside from driveway retrieving forgotten items.

10:05
exit driveway.

10:05.10
ask if jon packed f.'s book on tape, learn he did not, and make another return trip, this time from the top of the street.

10:09
make first stop for gas, atm and breakfast for adults.

10:27
actually get on the road.

11:49
call in-laws and let them know we are going to be late.

1pm
finally arrive, marvel at how well dramamine worked and wonder why no one suggested this earlier to us! let kids run around yard, even though its wet and muddy hoping to avoid entering the house of tchotchkes.

1:06
agree it is raining and take the party inside. pick up m. who is immediately assaulted by one of the three ugliest cats on the planet and try to soothe him and explain that its not in fact a monster, its just a cat.

1:15
sit down to lunch, continue to soothe max who will not release himself from my person.

1:27
finish lunch and take the kids down to the "play area" otherwise known as a 3x5 latchhook rug that is surrounded by a fireplace on one side, a console tv on another and 1,001 tchotchkes on the other. begin to move breakable things out of reach while simultaneously trying to contain unused toys that are tripping my children all jammed onto a 3x5 area rug.

1:29
agree that FIL looks tired and encourage him to go take a nap. envy FIL for being able to escape the chaos.

1:30
return to corralling kids, toys and tchotchkes.

3:15
give up and put in a movie for kids, hoping they will settle down for a bit.

3:17
try to explain the plot to "finding nemo" to my MIL, for the third time.

3:45
take the kids outside again, deciding that they need to run around abit.

3:52
come back inside because it started raining again.

3:53
give kids a bath, for no other reason other than to pass time, and let them play in a spot that is bigger than the effing latchhook rug. say thanks but no thanks to the rubber ducky that MIL offers because the bottom is literally black from what i can only assume is mold.

4:30
agree that kids are pruny enough and get them out of the tub.

4:31
get kids dressed, clean up mess in bathroom, send kids back to latchhook rug.

4:32
return to corralling kids, toys and tchotchkes.

4:33
start to answer questions about when dinner will be ready.

4:43
notice that the ceiling in play area is actually riddled with mold and realize that is probably why my throat is becoming sore and my head is aching.

4:44
continue corralling kids, toys and tchotchkes while answering questions about when dinner will be ready.

5:30
sneak f. into kitchen for a snack.

6:13
finally get the kids to the table for dinner.

6:17
break out coloring books in attempt to keep kids at dinner table.

6:18
excuse f. from dinner table.

6:19
get up from table for the 15th time to corrall little boys back into their seats.

6:21
give up and take little boys down to watch cartoon.

6:45
start giving j. dirty looks and begin begging to go home.

6:47
sing happy birthday to j. and marvel at the fact that even though he is holding two two year olds his mother still expects him to cut the cake with a carving knife that is 15 inches long.

6:48
begin to think of other uses for the 15 inch blade.

6:49
try to taste cake while silmutaneously keeping 3 exhausted kids at the table.

7:02
finally say outloud in front of in-laws that i think the boys have reached their breaking point.

7:08
strap boys into their carseats and start to feel the tension fall away from my shoulders.

7:10
make final sweep of house of tchotchkes and make mad dash for minivan.

7:18
make jon stop to get us drinks because everyone's throat is burning from the mold exposure. rename the "house of tchotchkes" the "moldy house of tchotchkes".

9:49
finally arrive home and settle boys into bed.

10:02
visit the bathroom for the first of what will become 18 times overnight and realize that in-laws have undoubtedly decided to poison me.

what's good enough for the first family

f. is growing up before my eyes. there are days when i look at him and barely recognize the little snuggle bug who would eagerly barrel down the hall of the hospital to see me while i was there on bedrest. he would heave himself up into my bed and snuggle in for a cartoon. i frequently wonder how much of that experience, my absence, has shaped the child he is today. it just seems like the sweetness has slipped away all too soon. since he is the oldest, i dont have another child to compare. is this the normal progression of growing up? is first grade the age when it becomes the norm to shun a kiss good-bye from your mom at the bus stop? until today, i had been relegated to fist bumps in public, and only allowed kisses at home. i guess i was caught up in being soo proud that he was no longer clinging to my side to have really digested the fact that i miss those good-bye kisses, even if they were sometimes stolen. i guess i felt like if it was good enough for the first family, it was good enough for us. i guess i felt like i could still sneak in those kisses at home.

then it happened. today my good morning kiss was shunned, instead a fist was offered to bump. my heart broke a little...already?! this afternoon upon wrapping up a trying homework session, i leaned over for another kiss. i really just wanted him to know how much i love him. again, up came the fist for an offer of bumping. did you hear that? my heart is breaking a bit more. so i asked, "bud, whats the problem with giving mommy a kiss when we are at home and no one can see it?" he replied, "mom, i just think that is soo old school!" and there you have it.

overheard in my house recently

during a discussion about college and his plans to attend

f: daddy, i dont think i want to go to the naval academy.
j: thats fine bud. but college is important and when the time comes you will choose a good one i am sure.
f: you and mommy went to college together right?
j: yup.
f: daddy, i dont think mommy knew you were a moron when she met you in college.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

while playing the "who else" game

me: who am i?
m: mama
me: who is that?
m: keegie
me: how about him?
m: finnie
me: who is that?
m: daddy
me: who else is in our family?
m: granny and pop
me: who else?
m: nando, how about nando?
me: yes, nando. how about mommom (MIL) and grumpy (FIL)?
m: who???
me: exactly

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

while all three boys are in the bathtub

m: wee, i getting all queen!
f: gross, m. i can see your booty.
f: m. show some manners would ya?


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

long awaited momentous occasion follows

me: here you go keegs, here is your banana.
k: thank you mama!
me: (quietly crying)

1st day of school

yesterday was the 1st day of school for f. 1st grade, when did that happen?! he is really growing up. at the bus stop he was super excited to see his friends. there were absolutely no nerves, on his part. when the bus pulled up he nonchalantly said goodbye to me, and allowed me to kiss him on the top of his head. it seems like just moments ago that i was snuggling with my newborn f. and waxing poetic about how his head felt like cashmere. yesterday was a good day. i am one proud mama.

"I OK"

where did the summer go? does anyone know? seems like just yesterday we attended f's last day of school and took the boys for haircuts to celebrate. it wasnt long after that when camp started, and somewhere in the midst of the drama i lost track of summer. school starts on monday for f. and i am feeling like the days just slipped right through my hands like. we did plenty; went to a baysox game, road the rails in strasburg, enjoyed dutch wonderland, had great friends visit, had plenty of cookouts, went to the water park, and all the things you are supposed to do during summer.

still i have been feeling like we wasted the summer and was looking forward to making the most of the last few days of it. then last week i caught a terrible virus. i have never been soo sick in all my life. it was awful. then each day after that another family member woke up with the same thing. i felt horrible for spreading the germs and mostly just spent a week laying around in between cleaning up vomit or digusting diapers or both. it was not the staycation i imagined. it was not making the most of the last few days of summer. then just when everyone was feeling better and normalcy resumed, i was stricken. again. this time i ended up in the ER and was discharged with a probable diagnosis of salmonella and a heavy dose of cipro to kill what ails. its been a terrible two weeks.

all the while though, k. has been chugging along and has had a language explosion. he is seeing a private therapist now, still attending ITP playgroup and still has his ITP therapist visit us at home weekly. finally its paying off. it is soo exciting to finally see this happen. earlier this summer i was soo sad for him and feeling his frustration and frankly some of my own as he was rated to have the expressive language skills of a child half his age. today on the way to naptime k. tripped and fell over. i scooped him up and asked him if he was OK. he replied "I OK" and thats when i knew it, he is going to be OK. maybe the summer wasnt a waste after all. maybe the good things are what happen when life is just coasting and dealing you a bad hand. "I OK" too. we are all going to be OK!

bday candle

this year when i broke the candle out, two months late, f. says "awe, mom, i hate that thing!" i told him that i said the same thing to my mom each year, but when i turned 21 and had a picture of myself next to it from each year i really appreciated it. i am so glad he is still appeasing me and taking such cute pictures with it.

overheard in my house recently

f: have a good day dad, i hope you feel better.
j (on his way out the door): thanks bud, you have a good day too.
f: mommy, what's wrong with daddy?
me: he has a man cold.
f: what kind of cold?
me: a man cold.
f (uproarious laughter): thats the funniest thing i ever heard.
me: me too bud.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

recently f. has been shaking me down when i ask him for help. some days it is easier to cough up a quarter then to fight the battle.

f: i got my shoes, i am ready to go mommy. now, where's my quarter?
me: if you are going to talk to me like that, i doubt you are going to get a quarter.
f: oh. where's my quarter nicest mommy in the whole world?
me: that's better.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

f: why do i have to stay in my room all night long?!
me: mommy is having a meeting tonight with her mothers of multiples group.
f: hey dad, lets have a music party all night long tomorrow. the number one rule, no girls allowed.
j: sounds like a plan.
me: sounds like a good night for a girls night out.
j: wait a minute...

bullies

kids can be mean creatures. maybe in suburban maryland, after a young boy was brutally beaten to death in broad daylight, we are more in tune to it than some other places. maybe not. i suppose bullies exist in all part of the world. i wish they didnt have to exist in summer camp. f. has been having a bit of a rough time this summer at the camp we selected. [insert guilty mom themes here]

so i am opening it up to you internets, what do you do when your child is bullied? a completely unscientific poll as of yet has revealed that anyone with a Y chromosome says tell him to beat the crap out of the kid and it will be over. those lacking the Y choromosome tend to offer sympathy and advice leaning more towards taking it up with the authorities. at this point we are taking a mini break from camp and reassessing on monday. yesterday the low point of my day was listening to my child recount the story where a third party was sent to "karate chop" him because he asked for his pokemon card back, because the kid he had given it to didnt have a card to trade. the y chromosome advice is sounding pretty good...

over dinner

f: mom, am i adorable?
me: yes
f: oh man!!
me: why, who asked you that?
f: you dont need to know that!
me: was it a teacher (at camp)?
f: no.
me: how old was she?
f: i dont know, but she is in 5th grade.
me: oh, is she pretty?
f: yeah, i guess.
me: are you going to make her your girlfriend?
f: no.
me: why not?
f: i am just not up to it.
me: up to what?
f: having girlfriends.
me: oh, when do you think you will be up to having girlfriends?
f: i dont know mom, for now i just want to have pals. after i have pals, then i guess i will have girlfriends. can i have some more syrup?

bad mom

when i learned i was pregnant with twins, i had little idea about the impact the pregnancy itself would have on my unborn children. the human body is not meant to grow more than one baby at a time, yet somehow it stretches and make accommodations for all those little arms and legs and fingers and toes, and in the case of my children - big heads. since i was having a relatively easy pregnancy i think i was a bit shocked when i went for my 25 week check up to learn that i was already measuring full term. so to my body, it was like i was already carrying a full term singleton. it should have come as no surprise when less than a week later i landed in the hospital because my body was beginning to prepare for the delivery. the fact that i made it 5 weeks beyond that is an accomplishment that took a lot of hard work and dedication and lots of medicine. unless you have spent 5 weeks on bedrest, you cant really understand just how taxing that can be, physically and emotionally. people who havent been in that position think its like a vacation. i am telling you - its not. it was life altering.

while i knew the pregnancy had already been categorized as "high risk," i dont think i fully realized everything that would come to mean. what exactly would my children face because they were born 9 weeks early? how long would they be faced with those consequences? not being able to breath on their own. blood transfusions. head ultrasounds. infections. repeated hospitalizations. developmental delays. endless doctors appointments. evaluations. weekly therapy. at nearly 31 months out i still can not answer that question. they are still facing those consequences. and that just sucks.

today i visited with the boys speech therapist to go over the results of their most recent evaluation. seeing in writing that your 30 month old child has the expressive language skills of a child 14 months old is difficult. i know we are doing all the right things. i know we are soo lucky to have these resources available to us. i know that he is a happy and well adjusted child. i know all of the things that are supposed to make me feel better. but somehow today i still feel like a bad mom.

no longer counting on one hand

i dont know how it happened, but i am now the mother of a 6 year old. f. is 6! i have to keep telling myself, so that it will eventually sink in.
















f.,
you continue to amaze me with your zest to learn and your energy that knows no bounds. you are on the go from sun up to well past sun down most days. occasionally a late afternoon car trip will knock you out for a nap, but other than that you are all play all day. you have really started to become pretty self sufficient. you now have an opinion about your wardrobe, and i have to remind myself never to say that you look handsome - but you do!! you prefer to look cool! or rad! or awesome! you still have a very active imagination and love to tell stories, play with legos, play video games on the computer, play wii and watch icarly. when did that happen?!

you crack me up at least once a day. i always find myself composing blog posts in my head about the things that come out of your mouth. i promise to get better about that, because my memory isnt nearly as sound as it used to be. this week you started camp. although you were going into it not knowing a single soul, you took to it like a champ. the camp is called a "summer fun center" the first day you told me you thought they should just rename it "summer fu center" because while it was fun, it wasnt quite worthy of the "n" in fun. the second day though it earned the "n" - thank goodness. you are growing up before my very eyes and actually refused to kiss me goodbye this morning at camp. wow, i thought i had until at least 2nd grade for that!

you made some great friends at school this year, and learned to read and write. you also took to math like a super star. you even got pulled out of class once a week for an accelerated math class, which you loved! i guess it doesnt matter that daddy and i had to pull out a calculator to help you with your homework!

while you still have some bouts of anxiety, you surprise me all the time with taking on things that i think might trigger it. you conducted the band earlier this year at a concert in front of a room full of strangers. you still talk about the band as "your band" and were soo proud of yourself. i hope that you always remain the happy little boy that you are today and i can continue to always share in these moments of intense pride that you have in yourself. just know that i am equally proud and feel incredibly blessed to have you in my life, much less be your mother.

you have started what has become probably my favorite habit of all time recently. when i say "i love you f." you reply "i love you more!" even though i know that my heart swells to the point of aching sometimes because i love you soo much and there is no possible way you could love me more than i love you it melts my heart each and every time i hear it. happy 6th birthday f.!

i love you f.,
mommy


editing because i forgot to mention. at dessert time on f.s 6th birthday we offered to sing him "happy birthday", he declined and requested "for he's a golly good fellow!" who is this 80 year old man, trapped inside my child?!

career choices

f: when i grow up i am going to be a guitar player in a band.
me: that sounds good.
f: dont worry mom, i have two back up plans
me: oh
f: yup, the first one is a break dancer and the second back up plan is a soccer coach.
me: sounds like a good plan bud.

high/low

f. graduated kindergarten this week. it was a sweet little ceremony. they sang the requisite songs about the days of the week and of course a song where they get to say butt eighthundredandfiftythousand times and then snicker and giggle with their cohorts. his teacher even included a candy-themed award presentation. think kindergarten version of most likely to.../best... fin was presented with the "100 grand" award for his outstanding math performance. which might as well have been a "most unlike his mother" award. but he was thrilled and so was i. and then he went up to accept his award and graciously shouted "yeah baby!" at the top of his kindergarten lungs on the way back to his seat. it was wonderful to see him so proud of his own accomplishments.















after graduation the plan was to come home and my mom would watch the lil boys nap while f. and i spent the afternoon at the swimming pool.

a little back story here. an unforeseen fear of the pool somehow developed while we were there last time, which i think correlates to the fact that when he asked to go down the slide in the big pool i responded, "sure, daddy will be at the bottom to catch you." apparantly this was the wrong response because therein began the automatic crying (which has now been renamed "my reaction"). keep up folks. amidst being yelled at 3 times by the lifegaurd because m.&k. were running around the baby pool, f. and his reaction sort of got lost in the fray. when it was brought up again on the way back to the car, he insisted it had nothing to do with the slide.

however, f. could not be talked into spending the afternoon at the pool with me. he could not be bribed into spending the afternoon at the pool with me. as hard as my mother and i tried, he was just not having it. when he thought we had finally given up and the little boys had gotten up from their nap, he says "you know, i think i would like to go to the pool now." in an effort to have him face whatever was causing his reaction head on, i said yes. then he backed out and said, "yeah, actually, i dont want to go to the pool."

instead i took them all for haircuts. boy do we know how to celebrate milestones around here.














f. sporting a new fauxhawk














m. terrified, but trying hard to stuff his face with hairy animal crackers and watch cartoons














k., who earned the gold star for the day.

tomorrow

tomorrow my firstborn graduates kindergarten. my baby is old enough to read and write and do math and dress himself and have friends that i dont know about and have crushes on little girls with names like brooke. when did this happen? i swear just yesterday, twelve days after my due date, that i was calling the hospital hoping beyond all hope that they would say "why yes, you can come in now to be induced." i swear just yesterday i labored for 18 hours and then pushed futilely for 3 hours to bring him into the world only to end up having a c-section anyway. i swear just yesterday i brought him home from the hospital and when my mother told me to go take a nap while she watched him i refused and cried actual tears saying that i would miss him too much to be in the other room sleeping. tomorrow my firstborn graduates kindergarten.

where did this child come from?

do you ever look at your child and think where did they come from? somedays i can see mine or j.s attributes all over my children. but then there are days like today when f. got up in front of a class of 24 kids and nearly as many parents and read his page of the book the class authored without an ounce of nerves showing through. one parent even said to me that he has a natural affinity for broadcasting. both j. and i are deathly afraid of public speaking. in that circumstance, i would have broken into a sweat, my heart would have been racing and i would have been close to passing out. that is after i would have fretted about it for weeks on end in preparation. j. is the same way. somehow, f. has skated by without this trait. i was so proud today. so proud!

capturing time

the days are just slipping away from me lately. we have been super busy and every once and awhile i stop and think this is just the beginning of managing the schedules of three active children. and then i go hide under the bed.

later this month f. will celebrate his 6th birthday. i have NO idea how it is that i became the mother of a 5 and 3/4 year old (as he will tell you if you ask). f. is still having some bouts of anxiety, but for the most part is doing really well. he is a budding reader. i am an avid reader, so for me this is soo fun to watch. he is a creative soul and love to tell stories and author and illustrate his own comic books. of course they mostly involve potty humor or destroying bad guys, which i suppose is typical behavior for a boy his age. he has been counting down the final days of school for about a week now. and really i cant blame him. he got his final report card a few weeks ago, so i cant imagine what the teachers are doing to keep their charges engaged and busy. he got a fantastic report card, which at the ripe old age of 5 means exactly what?! he was still emerging in the areas of hand eye coordination and using writing conventions. really, in kindergarten?! every other area was exceed. nonetheless, i am super proud and still somewhat shocked that he will be a big first grader in the fall! even though he squeezed into a pair of 2T shorts over the weekend thinking they were his, he is growing up so fast.

we have sponsored two midshipman this year from the naval academy and f. has really enjoyed getting to know them. they are fantastic guys and really super role models for him. they are active, super polite, and love to play with all of my boys. f. thinks of them as family and gives them a good workout by chasing them with water guns, introducing them to icarly, and telling stories about his school friends. they keep coming back for more, so either the food is soo bad on the yard, or they have fun with us too. it has been such a great experience that we signed up to sponsor two more in the coming academic year.

f. has been anxiously looking forward to his birthday and plans to celebrate by having a party at the new lego store in the mall. bad mommy that i am, i didnt camp out to reserve a party date, so that wont happen until august. i had no idea the parties would be soo popular and that calling within the 1st half hour of when you could start signing up for parties would only enable us to celebrate in august! oh well, he can spread his birthday out and have something to look forward to all summer long!

m. is getting big too. he lives life to the fullest. he plays hard and has the battle scars to prove it. he looks soo much like f. did at that age and reminds me of his big brother more often than not. he is an eating machine, until it comes to dinner time, during which he mostly goes into hunger strike mode. he is starting to talk in sentences and continues to narrate our days. his latest favorite phrases are "whats going on?" and "whats happening here?" not sure where they came from, but they crack me up almost everytime i hear them. he responds to questions with a zestful "oh yes!" especially if food is involved. he loves to play with his brothers and is always inviting them to join in whatever game he has concocted last. he still runs everywhere like a madman. we went to the pool in our community for the first time this weekend. i quickly realized that, due to said running, i will not be managing the pool with all three or possibly not even just the little two on my own.

k. is talking a bit more. but mostly still conveying his message through his combo babble and point method. occasionally he opts for pulling m.s hair clear out of his head to get his point across. thankfully these times are the exception, rather than the rule. every once and awhile he will say something totally understandable and you will wonder where that came from. his therapist says she is happy with his progress, so that is good. although she also informs us that unless something changes drastically she expects him to qualify for child find (basically the preschool aged version of the infant and toddler program) when he turns 3. i have mixed feelings about that and wish he were making progress at a more rapid rate. i cant help but wonder how long the effects of prematurity will stick around for this little boy. when he enters child find, official records will be retained and become a part of his school file that follows him through the public school system. part of me thinks so what, if he needs the help better that he get it early on. but another part of me worries about him being labeled and having this record follow him. in the end, i know we will pursue the child find program, if that is what they think he needs to succeed. still, i cant help wishing that my body would have held on a little longer to let him grow a little stronger before he was born.

k. is happy and silly most of the time. when i get cross with him he laughs as me, and i cant help but want to laugh back. vicious cycle, i know! he loves to wear his plastic fireman hat and has been known to refuse to leave the house without it. hat, or haa as he calls it, is a good friend that can only be substituted by one of f.s oriole hats. thankfully big brother likes to play along.

one of my greatest joys is watching all three boys play together. they love to wrestle, giggle, tickle, and chase each other. they love to work as a team to make gigantic pillow towers that they climb to the top of and inevitably fall back to the bottom again, laughing the whole time. before we tuck them in to bed they all race from one side of k.s room to the other and back again. j. and i just sit and say "ready, set, go!" until one of us grown ups gets tired and sends them all to their respective sleeping spots. it seems like they never tire of each other. i hope this feeling lasts them a lifetime. my heart is full.

new favs

the previous owners of our new home clearly had a thing for roses, we must have 15 or more rose bushes. one of my favorite things is to have fresh cut flowers in the house. these bushes are affording me the opportunity to have endless bouquets.

there is a beautiful pale pink rose bush that climbs over a trellis at the end of our driveway. here is some of the bounty:















(also pictured is the princess blue rotary phone that i found on a recent girls weekend that i had to have)

busy busy busy

we have been super busy here lately. this week i took the boys to see the blue angels air show as a part of the naval academy commissioning week festivities. frankly i had *very* low expectations and it turned out being one of the best times i have had with my boys ever. it was a great day! we went to a friends house that morning for a playdate and lunch, with plans to travel on to the blue angels in a caravan. we quickly realized that parking was going to be a challenge, but made the best of it. we fit an suv and a minivan in one spot that had been passed over by many cars. its all that mothers of multiples training i suppose! so we packed the little ones in the strollers and headed for the severn river. we probably walked at least 1.5 miles to find seats, mostly uphill, and f. was a real trooper. he was glad to sit down, and enjoy the reward of a yummy snoball.

no sooner were the snoballs gone when fat albert made his appearance. shortly followed by the blue angels themselves. f. was beside himself with excitement. it is moments like that when i love, love, love being his mom. k. was all about "da pa, da pa" as well. translation: the plane. even m., my little timid one, was enjoying himself. that is right up until one of the blue angels came close enough that we could tell his eyes were brown. m. then pulled his sun shade over his head on the stroller and freaked the ef out. k. kept pulling m.'s shade up and trying to get him to watch the show. it was actually pretty cute to watch k. trying to convince m. to have fun. but alas m. remained unconvinced and eventually fell asleep mid airshow! anyone who has been to an airshow in person will recognize this as a feat in and of itself - sleeping through an airshow! we left just before the show ended to try and beat a bit of the crowd, which really worked out well. again f. was a total rockstar on the long walk back to our cars. later when j. asked f. to recount his favorite parts of the air show he told two stories. one about the time the jets flew right into the sun and didnt burn up and fall out of the sky. and the second about the time that one jet flipped upside down and landed on the top of the other jet and they didnt burn up and fall out of the sky. 5 year old perspective, its something to behold. we finished the day off by hosting one of the midshipman we sponsor and his father for dinner. it was a perfect day!

the next day the five of us got up early and headed over to see some friends on the eastern shore and go strawberry picking. it was a fun event. i think m. was probably the biggest fan and pretty much ate his way from one end of the field to the other. he started off just picking anything off the plants and eating whatever he could shove in his mouth. but by the time we finished filling our pint baskets, m. was getting a little more selective and eating only the red ones and leaving the hulls and stems behind as mulch. all the kids and grownups were sticky sweet when we returned to the farm stand to make our other purchases. f. discovered some delicious cantaloupe being sampled there and could have eaten an entire melon on his own. he finally agreed to take two home with us, and leave some samples for the rest of the patrons. we scrubbed everyone down the best we could and treated the kids, and frankly the grownups too, to a delicious italian lunch. the kids were surprisingly well behaved given that there were 6 kids and only 4 grownups. k. had a lot of fun as well and insisted on wearing both a baseball cap and a plastic firemans hat for most of the days events. he only relinquished the hat when i agreed to carry his pint of berries inside of it. i dont blame him, the berries were delicious and well worth protecting!

the next day j. and i got up early and headed back to the naval academy to attend the graduation. it was the first time either of us was ever lucky enough to hear a sitting president speak in person. i was super excited to get tickets to the event and hear obama deliver the commencement address. he is so charismatic and i really enjoyed the whole event. it was an amazing ceremony filled with tradition. however, given the fact that we were roasting in the sun in something like the 4th to the last row in the upper, upper, uppermost level of the sunfilled stadium, j. was quickly able to talk me into cutting out early when we realized they were going to call each of the 1000 midshipman by name to walk across the stage and receive their well earned diploma. i had really wanted to take a picture of them throwing their covers in the air, but settled on going out to lunch with my hubby instead.

there is more to share and i am overdue for a capturing time post which i will try to get to in a few days. remind me to tell you about f.s report card and k.s new words...

what i'd really like for mothers day

a new camera. my old one only allows me to take two pictures on a fully charged set of batteries each time. here is todays 1st shot:

overheard in my house recently

as a result of spelling words that are not to be comprehended by young children, my 5 year old has now come to believe that once you grow up you no longer pronounce words, you spell them. he is a budding reader and is still spelling phonetically. all of this has made for some interesting conversations lately.

j: f. would you like some grapes with that sandwich?
f: f u
j: excuse me?
f: f u daddy
j: what did you say to me?
f: i said F U DADDY
j: are you trying to spell something!?
f: few. F U. few!
j: here's your grapes, now run along.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

bathtime, three boys in the tub, cleaning commences

f: oooowww, that water is too hot mommy!!
me: f., its not that hot. come over here and let me rinse you off.
f. (covering his private parts): i hope that is not going to hurt my tenders!!

capturing time

my boys are growing up before my eyes it seems. its becoming more difficult to remember the days when they were tiny babies as they grow into these rough and tumble boys. i am trying to soak it all up and enjoy every minute of it.

f. is all about spelling and math these days. our days of spelling things in front of him as a way of secretly communicating are over. as a byproduct of that activity, he believes that when you grow up you no longer say words you spell them. the other day when i told him to climb up into his seat, he indignantly replied: "mommy, you can just say U P, i am old enough now to know what that means!" in the last month he has started to sleep in the master bedroom with j. and i. the first night it was sort of nice to have a little one to snuggle with again. by the second night i told him if he wanted to sleep in our room, it would have to be on the floor. slowly, toys began to migrate into our room. one day last week he referred to the master bedroom as mommy, daddy and f.'s room. so this weekend when i cleaned the bedroom, all of his things found their way back to his room. saturday night he actually slept in his own room again and i felt like i was sleeping in a hotel. last night he started out in his own room, but at some ungodly hour this morning i felt a familiar knee in the kidney. i was too exhausted to take him back to his room, but did send him to the floor. i know it wont be long before he gets embarrassed when i kiss him goodbye at the bus stop in the mornings and he will roll his eyes if i show up for class parties, so for now i am enjoying waking up and seeing him asleep on the floor.

m. continues to be a chatterbox. he narrates his day and occasionally his nights. he has developed this way of tricking us into getting what he wants. he will say something incomprehensible, to which we reply, what did you say? then he will say it again, clear as a bell, so then we repeat it, happy to have figured out what he was trying to say. then he says YES, as if we suggested it in the first place. it goes something like this.
m.: mommy, gobblygook
me: what did you say?
m.: cookie
me: cookie?
m. YES! thanks for offering!

k. is making strides in the language department. he is still getting services every week. i think when he grows up he will be one of those people that uses an inordinate amount of hand gestures to communicate. my favorite one is when he wants you to sit with him. he will call your name then pat the chair next to him. k. is adding words to his vocabulary little by little, but still really just says the first syllable of most words. so ma is mama, da is dad, ki is kiss, ma is also max, mi is milk, etc.

either m or k, no one will fess up, put a lincoln log in the gas stove that heats the playroom a few weeks ago. we didnt notice it in there before we turned the stove on and saw a freakishly high vibrant flame. upon further investigation we noticed the tell tale shape of a flaming orange lincoln log. because it would require dismantling the whole stove, j. said, lets just leave it in there, it will burn off eventually. next year we will consider heating the whole house with lincoln logs, because that little nub of a log has been in there for at least 8 hours and is still going strong!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
j.s mom had some bad news this month. the cancer has returned and is at this point inoperable. she has chosen to forgo further chemo. given that the cancer was already stage 4 when initially discovered, the prognosis is grim. we have invited them to visit for mother's day weekend, i hope it will be a nice visit for everyone.

firehouse visit and other birthday celebrations

so yesterday i turned 29. again. and we got about 29 inches of rain. it was a absolutely gross day. but i had fun anyway.

my mom and i took m and k to the fire station in eastport with about 25 or so of their twin and triplet friends. it was a little crazy. m is sort of a madman and was running all over the place. k was a bit more reserved and was a bit timid getting in the firetruck. but once he was in there was no getting him out. thankfully by the time k had worked up the nerve to get in, most of the other kids were on to something else. the firemen were fantastic and really knew their audience. they kept the talk to things like: "look a big red truck" and "wanna get in?" we made our exit before the tour was actually over, but that was fine by me. my mom treated us to lunch which was a nice surprise.
















































last night, f. and i went out to dinner together. when i asked him if he was my date he was adamant for that not to be the case. we were just mom and son going to dinner. we had fun even if it wasnt a date. it was nice to have some alone time with all my lil boys on my special day. maybe sometime this century their father and i will get some of that alone time again too. i am almost certain that when the year comes that my children do not sing about me looking liking a monkey and smelling like one too, that it will make me a little sad. its great to be 29. again.

glub glubs

fresh off the heels of having a plate of glub glubs (aka goldfish crackers) hurled my direction, i sat down to compose this post. since when are glub glubs offensive to two year olds?! titles like "what's the fine for throwing your child out the window" or "i give up" or "n., mom and failure, a retrospective" came to mind for this post. i know i have created terrible eaters and that i am entirely to blame.

my children have always been voracious breakfast eaters, fairly decent lunch eaters and downright atrocious dinner eaters. when we moved into this new house, i said, "new house, new rules!" i really did try. but somehow, life got in the way, and little by little we slid into our old habits of making 3 separate meals for dinner, one for grown ups, one for the school aged set, and one for the toddlers. sadly, short order cook skills are topping my resume these days.

when f. was a baby i was a good mama and made all of his baby food myself. i turned my nose up at jarred baby food. i spent one day every couple of weeks preparing food for the days to come, froze it in ice cube trays and thawed it as needed. he chowed down on mango, avocado, lentil soup and the like. now his repertoire consists of cheese sandwiches, lunch.ables and peanut butter on rit.z crackers. i justify it by telling myself at least they are whole wheat rit.z. when the twins came along i was in too much of a haze to consider making all of my own baby food. although i would still mash my own bananas, mangos and avocado. somewhere with all three of my children, the switch from baby food to people food has gone seriously wrong.

the thing is, i love to cook! i enjoy roasting veggies or marinating a protein or making up my own recipes. however, when a thoughtfully prepared meal is hurled back at you at full force by a two year old, it starts to lose its appeal. so the blue box, longtime fav of poor college students and toddlers alike, started to creep its way back into our weekly routine. as depression also creeped its way back into my life late this winter, there were days when toasted waffles handed over the baby gate sufficed for dinner. nary a complaint, i might add, from the shorter set.

now that i am living better through chemistry i am thinking i might be ready to tackle the whole eating debacle again. otherwise i am going to be drowing in a sea of glub glubs being tossed my way.

bloggity blog

"i am so going to be blogging about that!"
"i just posted about that exact thing!"
"did you read my blog?"

all things i have not been saying lately. i am still here. just havent had much to post about.

happy st. patty's day

and then i automatically cried

the decision to have children was an easy one for me, it was the actualization of that decision that brought my baggage to the surface. infertility was a difficult course for me. it brought to the surface many things that i didnt realize were hiding out in there. not just physical health, but emotional health as well. when i really think back about my life, it was probably always there, sometimes just more buried than others. depression has weaved its way in and out of my life always creeping up at the most inopportune times. you are a newlywed and just landed a new job in the internet world, yay, now lets see if you can get out of bed and pretend like you didnt cry yourself to sleep last night. you just had two babies at once, yay, now lets spiral into a deep dark hole. you just moved into a new house, your dream house, stop crying and get over it. its never a good time for it. and by now, you would think i would know a better way to deal with it. medicine, check. therapy, check. medicine and therapy, check, check. yet, it always finds its way back.

there are legacies, traits, memories, and keepsakes that i would like to pass along to my children. depression is not one of them. i would prefer to box it up, stash it way in the back of the attic and leave it to be uncovered by the archeologists of the centuries to come.

i worry about f. he has a hard time keeping his emotions in check. at 5, this is somewhat to be expected. he is very hard on himself and wants to be sucessful at every new endeavor right out of the gate. he doesnt understand that 5 year olds dont know how to ride bikes the first time they get on them or read a book the first time they crack the spine. he thinks he should be able to do it all perfectly on the first attempt. try as we might to tell him things take practice and mistakes are a good and necessary part of learning, he still breaks down when things dont go his way. these are not the temper tantrums of a child who didnt get his way, these are the body wracking cries of a boy who didnt succeed and is disappointed in himself. the ugly cry where you cant catch your breath and explaining why you are crying would actually require being able to get a breath to form a sentence or even a word. j. and i have been working with him to find ways to get through these times, which f. has started to refer to as "and then i automatically cried." we are teaching him deep breathing techniques and thinking of a time when you were happy until you can calm down enough to talk about what is going on. all the while reminding him that no one scored a goal their first time out, or knew how to swim without lessons or practice. i wish i knew where this pressure came from, i would flip that switch in a heartbeat. isnt that our role as parents, to protect, to save them from as much heart ache as possible? to give them a better life than we ourselves have.

last week on a perfectly normal and happy day after all the children were safely tucked in bed i heard the tell tale footsteps of an untucked child. f. appeared in the door way, tears streaming down his face and wanted to know if i could think of a time when he was happy. he was trying to talk himself down, trying to use the techniques we taught him, but he couldnt come up with something, anything(?!) how about the time you conducted the band? or the time you learned to swim? or reading the book to your brothers earlier today? these seemed to do the trick and eased his tears. nothing was wrong, it was just the automatic crying. i scooped him up, gave him a big hug, told him i loved him, walked him back upstairs and snuggled with him extra long that night. after he was settled i came back down stairs. and then i automatically cried.

controlled chaos

as any mother with more than one young child (and absolutely a mother of multiples) will tell you: sometimes life is controlled chaos. one of the most chaotic portions of the day during the school week is getting three children dressed and ready to get out the door and be at the bus stop by 8:15am. most days it is a race. most days m&k stay in the car at the bus stop, because there are about 40 other kids there running around and that is chaos enough, but also because often they are likely to still be in pj's. this video is what a typical morning in my house looks like. one child with a faux hawk in preparation for "wacky wednesday" at school; one child throwing a fit because - well frankly, who the heck knows why; and the third child happy as can be running around with only a diaper and a BK crown in 17 degree weather. so in other words, its wednesday at my house. enjoy the video.

capturing time

big changes have been afoot this month. m&k have made the transition from cribs to toddler beds. mostly it has been a smooth transition, but there have been some interesting (as my friend d. would say) moments along the way. one day in, after the first nap in the beds, we smelled the rug mural before we even entered k.'s room and immediately had to wage a sanitation war against said mural with a very deep steam clean of the rug. the boys will now be donning onesies until they enter college or are potty trained, whatever happens first. i will make use of duct tape if need be!




















f., as usual, is cracking me up these days. this morning at the bus stop he says, psst, mommy come here and listen. i am going to tell you something, but you have to promise not to laugh. so i reply, ok, tell me. he shares, yesterday i fell in the potty at j.'s house! and really, how could i not laugh? i am still laughing about it.

f. is also starting to read!! i am surprised by his skills. it is so interesting to watch how your child learns. he loves math and asks me to solve equations *all day long* mommy, what is fivethousandthreehundredandone pluses onemillion? mommy, what is one pluses onehundredmillionandforty. mommy, six pluses six is twelve. i dont have the heart to tell him that i hate math. i mean hate it! always have. i have no idea where this interest has been sparked in him and i am pretty sure that i will soon be in over my head with his math equations. as it is i have to stop what i am doing and carry the one more than i would like. he is making good friends in school and the neighborhood and has really adjusted to this move like a total champ. i am eternally grateful for the adaptive nature of children.
















m. is still celebrating language. for every word that k. is not saying, m. is saying 250. he loves to snuggle and cuddle. even though he was not even close to climbing out of his crib, we felt like since we needed to move k., it was only fair to move m. as well, to a big boy bed. he has really taken to it. i think mostly he is enjoying the autonomy of controlling the open vs. shut position of his bedroom door. the first night he delighted for at least 2 hours in the ability to open and close the door. for two hours straight. seriously, two hours. j., f. and i watched madagascar 2 and the entire time m. was opening and closing his bedroom door and giggling at the shear control. he will close the door and get in bed and go to sleep when he is ready. there is no putting him in bed, and for now that is fine. as a thirtysomething i still ignore my body telling me is bedtime. to have it down at 2 is pretty impressive.
















k. is starting to explore the idea of talking a bit more. mostly though, he has just gotten more expressive in his use of "ma" or "da". he conveys soo much with his eyes. i just keeping doing as the therapist recommends and giving him the opportunity to use his words and then pretend that i know what he said. its not unusual to overhear an exchange like this in our house:
k: ma
me: patiently waiting for words to emerge
k: MA
me: patiently waiting for words to emerge
k (eyebrows expressively raised): MAAA
me: you want a book?
k: giggling in delight as he has again conveyed his need monosylabically.

k. continues to give kisses out in copious amounts. he will not get in bed at night without planting a kiss on every living being and some non living beings in our household. i am soaking it up while i can. storing it all up for the days when it will no longer be cool for him, or any of my children, to plant a kiss squarely on my lips. a kiss, of course, that was proceeded by an expressive "MMMMAAA"