quarter to stress AM

i have been alternatively staring at the ceiling and the clock for the last hour; finally giving up and hoping that getting some thoughts out will relieve some of the stress i am feeling. we had the boys official IEP meeting today with the wonderful people at Child Find. everything went wonderfully, in fact it could not have gone better. yet somehow i am still up at quarter to stress AM worried about how all of this is going to play out. i think part of it comes from having to sign official school documents today stating that both boys have disabilities in order to receive the necessary services. disabilities. the other part is my mind working overtime trying to figure out all the logistics of getting three boys ready for school in the morning on time. drop off of f. can be stressful enough, now how am i going to add two other kids to the mix?!

we were wrapping up the meeting this morning and the Child Find lady says, "ok, so i will call you to arrange a class visit to meet their new teacher." being the planner that i am, i needed to know when she might be calling. suddenly this idea occurs to her, "you know, we could start the boys right after thanksgiving instead of waiting until the new year. unless of course that would be too stressful for you?" and after i calmed my heart which was threatening to leap clear out of my chest, i agreed. now i cant help but wonder, am i stressed because she suggested it might be stressful?! was i wrong to be so looking forward to my boys going to school that i jumped at the opportunity to start them earlier than expected? did i really just sign papers that become part of their permanent record that states they are disabled?

turns out that writing all of this down isnt so much relieving the stress as labeling it more clearly. so here i am at quarter to stress AM. hoping that i am being a good mom, doing all the right things for my children. its quarter to stress AM, ever been here? what does quarter after stress AM look like?