quarter to stress AM

i have been alternatively staring at the ceiling and the clock for the last hour; finally giving up and hoping that getting some thoughts out will relieve some of the stress i am feeling. we had the boys official IEP meeting today with the wonderful people at Child Find. everything went wonderfully, in fact it could not have gone better. yet somehow i am still up at quarter to stress AM worried about how all of this is going to play out. i think part of it comes from having to sign official school documents today stating that both boys have disabilities in order to receive the necessary services. disabilities. the other part is my mind working overtime trying to figure out all the logistics of getting three boys ready for school in the morning on time. drop off of f. can be stressful enough, now how am i going to add two other kids to the mix?!

we were wrapping up the meeting this morning and the Child Find lady says, "ok, so i will call you to arrange a class visit to meet their new teacher." being the planner that i am, i needed to know when she might be calling. suddenly this idea occurs to her, "you know, we could start the boys right after thanksgiving instead of waiting until the new year. unless of course that would be too stressful for you?" and after i calmed my heart which was threatening to leap clear out of my chest, i agreed. now i cant help but wonder, am i stressed because she suggested it might be stressful?! was i wrong to be so looking forward to my boys going to school that i jumped at the opportunity to start them earlier than expected? did i really just sign papers that become part of their permanent record that states they are disabled?

turns out that writing all of this down isnt so much relieving the stress as labeling it more clearly. so here i am at quarter to stress AM. hoping that i am being a good mom, doing all the right things for my children. its quarter to stress AM, ever been here? what does quarter after stress AM look like?

resolved

today while i was trying to get the house back in order after a weekend that was full of neglecting anything indoors it occured to me that we have too much stuff. this is not exactly a revelation, but nonetheless, it bothers me. really, why do we have all this stuff? remind me when its time to make resolutions that i am going to motivate once the little boys start school in january and make an effort to get rid of some of this stuff.

can you smell it?

thats the magic in the air. perhaps my happy pills are working better than last month, or it might just be that i have gotten better about remembering to take them, but this weekend was wonderful! we got outside both weekend days and just enjoyed the season. the boys played in leaves for hours while daddy blew them around with his leaf blower. it was soo wonderful to enjoy the perfect weather; and even better to enjoy watching my three boys play together and not fight. the only breaks we took from the outdoors this weekend seemed to be to nourish ourselves and finalize our plans for dis.ney. magical!

nicu days

i visited my boys every day when they were in the nicu, except one day when i couldnt because i had a fever. the next day when i returned i found a cd with over 100 pictures of my babies from the day i missed. there were even some with the boys dressed as rudolph and santa as it was nearing christmas. if ihave said it once, i have said it 1,000 times, nicu nurses rock. nurse cheryl took time out of her day on that day i couldnt be with my boys to make memories for me that will last a lifetime. i just came across the cd today while looking for something else and thought i would share. here are few of them...

highs and lows

this week was crazy, here is a brief run down of some of the highs and lows:

1. spent good portion of a day convincing two two-year olds that in fact halloween only comes once a year and that in fact we would not be going door to door screaming trick or treat again this week.
2. listened to my 6 year old read a sponge bob joke book, laughing along as we got the jokes.
3. had a fun playdate with some good friends.
4. sorted $5000 worth of gift cards for the MOMs club.
5. barely survived an 1.5 hour long tantrum by an undernourished, not well rested preschooler.
6. drank a half a bottle of wine by myself.
7. cancelled the private speech therapist for k. because the boys got accepted into the early childhood intervention preschool starting in january for 5 days a week.
8. nursed a sick 6 year old who departed the school bus laiden with a fever; cancelled girls night out plans.
9. loaded the car up with the whole family to go to h1n1 shot clinic. spent two hours in waiting room while hubby entertained the kids in the car with videos. got shots for all the kids, returned to find car with dead battery.
10. drank other half of bottle of wine by myself.

seriously?!

have you read about this?

come on people, did you really buy the DVD or CD thinking it would turn your child into Einstein? shame on you!

in our house baby einstein is also known as "baby crack" - because when popped into the DVD player its like magic, the kids just sit and stare, much like a drug addict who has just hit the crack pipe. the real beauty of the DVDs are that you have just bought yourself 24 minutes to use the bathroom, return a phone call, sip your coffee, fold a load of laundry and all without an audience! if you are really clever and choose "repeat all" you can accomplish even more while your babies sit in a stupor and watch toys in action and listen to classical music.

i will be keeping my baby einstein DVDs and my kids will not likely becoming members of mensa anytime soon. and that is just fine by me!

for posterity

i know its a bit outdated at this point, but i wanted to write a bit about halloween so that i can remember it all later.

this year we had cookie monster (m.), elmo (k.) and darth vadar (f.) for costumes. i had neglected to try on the little boys costumes before the big day, which resulted in a good 20 minutes spent convincing k. that a costume was customary if you are going to knock on someone's door and hollar trick or treat. or "ta ta" if you are k. but once he got outside and saw that the rest of the kids did in fact have costumes on, he was all good. all the neighbors on the cul de sac met outside for pizza and a birthday celebration for one of our neighbors. it was a lot of fun. we followed that by trick or treating of course! i was not sure what to expect from m&k, but they rocked trick or treating. after the first house they had the idea, and were off and running. we were hard pressed to keep up with them all night. often times they ran right by the homeowner, who was stationed at the driveway with a huge bowl of candy, to clamor up the front stairs and knock on the door. they loved every minute of it and had to be dragged home kicking and screaming after covering a buckets full worth of homes. when we finally came home, we were a bit wet (rain) and a bit worse for wear, but that didnt stop the kids from devouring a bunch of candy.

granny and pop joined us for the night, which is always fun and lets face it a bonus to have more adults than kids! when granny and pop were leaving we noticed that some neighbors were walking by with their child. we have a particular affection for these neighbors because their son shares the name of f (full name and nickname). they are a cute family. even cuter on halloween. mom was dressed as a chicken, the baby an egg and dad a farmer wearing a sign that read "which came first?" f. got one look at them and after giggling says to the mom, "hey lady, what did you lose a bet?" fortunately she was good natured about it and laughed as hard as the rest of us. we had a great halloween and i look forward to many more in this great new neighborhood!

november is prematurity awareness month

Even if you do everything right, you can still have preterm labor. Preterm labor is a serious problem occurring before 37 weeks of pregnancy. This is too early, and your baby could be born too soon. Call your health care provider right away if you have any of these warning signs.

Warning Signs:

• Contractions (your abdomen tightens like a fist) every 10 minutes or more often
• Change in vaginal discharge (leaking fluid or bleeding from your vagina)
• Pelvic pressure—the feeling that the baby is pushing down• Low, dull backache
• Cramps that feel like your period
• Abdominal cramps with or without diarrhea
  

What Your Health Care Provider Might Tell You:

• Come into the office or go to the hospital right away.
• Stop what you were doing.
• Rest on your left side for one hour.
• Drink two to three glasses of water or juice (not coffee or soda).

Take Care of Yourself and Your Baby:

• Get regular prenatal checkups.
• Try to avoid stress. Ask family and friends for help.
• Don’t drink alcohol, smoke or take street drugs.
• If you feel burning or pain when you go to the bathroom, you may have an infection. Call your health care provider.

For more information, visit the march of dimes website.

3 years in the making

3 years ago today i went to see the high risk doctor excited to see my little boys swimming around on an ultrasound. little did i know that i would end up in the hospital in a matter of minutes, admitted for the next 5 weeks until those boys were born. things became a lot less carefree that day. suddenly it was a tenuous pregnacy and i was robbed of the joyousness.

9 weeks before their due date, m&k made an entrance and made the bedrest days seem like a walk in the park. ever since then my vocabulary seemed to be taken over by words like NICU, infection, transfusion, busy, whirlwind, crazy, therapy, delay, guilt, and can't.

i feel like i am just now coming up for a breath. i have finally started to gain some distance from the bedrest days and NICU hell. i am gaining confidence as a mother of 3 very active boys, two of whom are the same age. i have started to take on things like getting haircuts for all three boys on my own and visits to pumpkin patches with all three on my own. things are starting to fall in place, like preschool for m&k which will start in january - 5 DAYS A WEEK. its taken awhile, but i am finally starting to breathe again. 3 years in the making.

guilt, its whats for dinner

MIL is in the hospital. i am sad to say that my first thought was please do not let this ruin our trip to dis.ney. followed immediately by guilt. how do we learn guilt? how do you find the balance between living and harboring guilt? am i an evil biatch for wanting to experience dis.ney with my kids without a dark cloud following us around, or worse not being able to go at all because of untimely events? guilt, its whats for dinner.