overheard recently pt 2

this one was too good to not do another overheard post immediately...

f: mom, i need to get some new friends.
me: really, why bud?
f: because no one wants to play kickball anymore. they only play soccer now. kickball is my only passion in life.

overheard recently in my house

me: f, do you like your new teacher?
f.: which like mommy? the like-like or just like?
me:umm, do you think your teacher is a good one?
f: uh, yeah i guess.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

me: f, how was your first day of school?
f: it was great.
me: who is in your class?
f: andy, sarah, joe, bob.
me: did you have fun?
f: yes
me: do you have a girlfriend?
f: mom, that is soo personal, geez.
me: oh, sorry.
m. mommy, f doesnt have a girlfriend!
f: YES I DO. i mean, umm. darn.
f: well, you will never guess who my girlfriend is, at least i know that.
me: is it sarah?
f: MOOOMMM, how did you know that?? and besides, we are just really good friends.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

j: (death stare) did you really buy all three of those skinny girl margarita bottles?
me: (death stare right back) yea, so?
j: so how was your day, or should i not bother to ask?

seven.

i can hardly believe that i am the mother of a 7 year old. yet its true, by a whole week! f. you make me so proud to be your mother. you have so many wonderful qualities. one of my favorite is that you are a wonderful and loving brother. i truly enjoy watching you play with your brothers and my heart aches, in a good way, when i see the pride you have in them.

after you were born your daddy and i thought you would be an only child. i am elated to have given you siblings. it seems you were born to be a big brother. last night when you were trying to negotiate sleeping in my room, i tried to convince you it was better to sleep in your room because you wouldnt be woken by your brothers early in the morning. apparently that was the wrong argument on my part because you told me that you just love it when your brothers wake you up, that it is just so cute when they wake you up. you are right you know, it is adorable how they look up to you and love to wake you up each morning.

school is out now, and i thought summer was going to be so difficult. i was worried about keeping you and your brothers entertained. so far so good. with your birthday parties behind us and playdates and vacation plans on the horizon i am no longer looking forward to the fall with a yearning like no other. i think you miss the challenges of school though. you did a fantastic job in the first grade. your math and reading skills are excellent. when tested the last few days of school your reading level far exceeded the benchmark for first graders. you are devouring chapter books in a sitting. your math skills continue to amaze me, and i hope you will keep enjoying it as much as you do now.

you are growing so tall and fill your days with rough and tumble boy games, punctuated by potty humor. you love seafood, with crab and shrimp topping your list of favorites. one of your favorites outings is to the dollar store and 7/11 with daddy, where the provisions include slurpees bigger than your head and a bag full of sugar laden candy. you are looking forward to our beach vacation next week and are still considering if you need a second fishing rod in order to be prepared. you have been sleeping in like a teenager on the few days that your brothers dont wake you up at the crack of dawn. you are becoming my go with the flow kid on more days than not. you still say some crazy things that make me wonder whose child you are. most days i just dont know how i got so lucky. i am filled with pride. i love you f.!!

play-by-play of a sleep study with a 3.5 year old

background: k. has himself some gigantic tonsils. so big in fact, his adenoids can not even be spotted. we believe this is causing sleep apnea and contributing to the mouth breathing that occurs almost all of the time. we saw an ear, nose and throat specialist earlier this month who agreed, it is probably sleep apnea. for a variety of reasons, he suggested a sleep study be done before surgery to remove the tonsils and likely the adenoids would occur. dr. ent said that it would be like a night in a hotel. my first thought was this man clearly does not have kids. so last night we embarked on the sleep study and i drew the short straw and got to accompany k. here is how it went down.

8:10PM arrive for 8:30 appointment time. those of you who know me well are not surprised i was 20 minutes early. but this time i really was afraid that k. would fall asleep before we got there on the car ride, thus the early arrival.

8:11 nurse candy comes to the door and lets us in. she immediately wins k.'s heart by picking him up and letting him touch the expensive artwork in the lobby.

8:14 k. finishes molesting the poor dolphin sculpture in the lobby and agrees to go see his bedroom for the night.

8:15 mommy fills out some paperwork while k. takes stock of the room

8:17 nurse candy begins to attach leads for sleep study. two giant stickers the size of his fist are applied to each leg with leads attached. two more are applied to his back, with leads attached. a velcro belt is put around his waist to keep the wires close to his body and avoid tangles. another velcro best is put around his chest for the same purpose. a large bright blue monitor is attached to the upper belt square in the middle of his chest.

8:45 k. announces he has to go potty. nurse candy grits her teeth smiles and collects all the cords and accompanies us to the potty.

8:55 k. is settled back into bed and nurse candy reattaches the leads on both legs and resumes attaching the remaining fourhundredthousandandthree leads. a lead is affixed to k.s adam's apple with paste and secured with tape and held in place for a few minutes.

8:58 k. begins to become skeptical about nurse candy.

8:59 nurse candy tries to win k.s favor back and begins attaching leads to k.s head. 10 leads are attached to k.s head with paste and tape, each one being held in place for a few minutes.

9:14 k. scoots back and 4 leads come loose.

9:23 nurse candy finishes re-securing loose leads and resumes process.

9:29 two leads are attached to k.s chin with paste and more tape. nurse candy asks k. if he wants to wear a mustache (4 inch by 1 inch thin plastic monitor with prongs that go up each nostril and one that hangs over the opening to the mouth).

9:36 k. agrees. the mustache monitor is affixed to his face with 14 pieces of tape.

9:40 nurse candy tells k. she only has one more monitor to attach and attempts 5 times, finally succeeding on the 6th try to get the pulseox monitor secured to his finger properly.

9:52 k. asks for a monitor to match on his other hand. nurse candy obliges with more tape.

9:55 nurse candy asks k. to settle in and go to sleep.

9:56 mommy begins to have NICU flashbacks.

9:57 k. announces he has to go potty. mommy does not oblige. visable wave of relief comes over nurse candy.

9:58 nurse candy adjusts lights, turns off tv and says good night and leaves the room.

9:59 nurse candy's voice comes over the monitor asking k. to do a series of simon says tricks to be sure everything is properly secured.

10:10 simon says is over and k. rests his head on pillow to sleep.

10:11 k. demands the tv be put back on and the cartoon he was promised be played.

10:14 mommy obliges.

10:15 k. stands up, twirls around, does a pirouette and rips off both finger monitors, the mustache, both chin leads, all 4 leg leads and about half of the head leads.

10:16 nurse candy's voice comes over monitor and yells at k. telling him he will need to lay down and go to sleep.

10:17 k. begins to cry.

10:18 mommy wants to cry, instead curses dr. no kids.

10:19 nurse candy returns to re-affix all the removes monitors, mustache and leads.

10:45 nurse candy finishes reattaching everything and begs k. to sleep. mommy promises donuts in the morning if k. goes to sleep.

10:46 k. gives up the fight and begins to softly snore. visable wave of relief comes over mommy.

10:47 mommy picks up her book and wonders who procured the cot she was invited to sleep on and considers giving them a piece of her mind.

11:15 mommy finishes her book and closes her eyes.

11:18 mommy falls asleep.

11:22 nurse candy returns to room for the first of what will become 6 times to reattach leads, monitors and the mustache.

11:24 mommy falls back asleep

12:01AM nurse candy returns

12:03 mommy falls back asleep.

1:16 nurse candy returns.

1:18 mommy falls back asleep.

2:38 nurse candy returns.

2:45 mommy falls asleep.

2:53 nurse candy returns.

3:00 mommy falls asleep.

4:20 nurse candy returns.

4:38 mommy falls back asleep.

4:56 nurse candy's way too cheery voice comes over the monitor announcing the sleep study is over and that we slept great. she also announces that she can see us. mommy notices camera pointing at us for the first time and refrains from offering forth the gesture she had in mind. mommy vaguely remembers signing paperwork authorizing filming of the sleep study.

4:58 nurse candy appears to remove all the monitors, mustache and leads. candy assures mommy that the paste will come out with shampoo and water.

5:05 k. announces that he is ready to go home. mommy obliges.

5:07 strapped into his car seat, k. announces he would now like is donut. mommy obliges.

5:24 k. and mommy arrive home with donuts in hand. k. announces he has to go potty.

5:25 potty duties finished, mommy decides to give k. a bath to get rid of all the paste.

5:40 still shampooing k.s hair to remove all the paste.

5:45 complete bath and settle k. down with a donut.

5:46 make triple espresso and hope that other children remain soundly asleep for long enough to enjoy coffee.

5:47 hear m. scream "mommy, your home!"

confession time

i hate that 90% of my facebook status these days are all about potty training. i am boring myself to tears. i am sure my "friends" have hidden me, uttering to themselves enough of the effing potty talk lady! trust me people, i am tired of it too! i confess, i am actually now doing on facebook what my husband, a non-facebook user, has been insisting all along that facebook is really all about, reporting on bowel movements. at least i am not tweeting from the bathroom, right?!

the good news is that today i was actually able to put clothes back on my children, below the waist. hallelujah!! did you see the parting the clouds just now? i am thinking that maybe by the weekend we might actually be able to venture out of the house. if only...

the other good news, for those of you following along, is my that feet have now been exfoliated nearly down to the bone and have remained sanitary today.

today

potty training sucks. i have pretty much been tied to the house for a solid week and am still cleaning crap off the floor. because it didnt suck enough, i got to clean it off of my foot as well, after having stepped squarely in a pile while backing up from cleaning up another nugget. yay me! note to self: stop feeding the kids food that, when digested, are the perfect camouflage for the carpet in the playroom. thank goodness my 6 year old is still full of clever remarks and witty sayings that bring a smile to my face. these days i need it!

today k. fell down and scraped his face pretty bad, as a result of having caught his face on the corner of a cabinet door he had left open. it was one of those events that freak you out, even if you are the most laid back, least helicopter style mom. the bloody scrape started on his eye lid and stretched clear down to his chin. when he started screaming, which was of course prefaced by that bone chilling silent scream just to let you know this one is serious, f. went running and hid on the other side of the room. i think he thought he was going to get blamed for the fall, which actually was not his fault. i scooped k. up and started to soothe him, while praying his eye was still in tact. if you know me well, you know that eyes totally gross me out. seeing one damaged on my own child would probably push me right over the edge. but i digress, in the end, his eye was fine. when the screaming abated to a dull whimper, m. came over and said "k. what happened to your face?" after i relayed what happened, m. leaned in and said "i love you k." and planted a kiss, square on the unharmed side of his face. i just eat up the twin love!

at this point f. must have figured he wasnt getting blamed for what had happened, or if he was he had better show himself and show some love to his brother. so f. comes over and says to k. "k., its an honor to have you in the v. family" who is this child?! i love that kid and can not believe he is going to be 7 and not 87 in a few weeks.

potty training twins

there are things that no one tells you about motherhood when you share the news that you are pregnant. one of them is that potty training an irrational human being can lead to excessive drinking on the adults part. certainly potty training two irrational humans simultaneously can lead to much worse.

over the course of the last 36 hours since i embarked on potty training my 3 year old twins i have been peed on, pooped on, watched one child do a crossleggedgottagogottagogottagorightnow dance for a good 40 minutes before finally agreeing to sit on the potty, witnessed another child pee down the side of the ottoman as if he were a dog - yes with leg lifted, cleaned up 4 dirty naptime/overnight diapers, cheered as one child finally pooped on the potty only to be deflated 10 minutes later when the same child pooped directly into his own hand, etc. the list goes on, but honestly i hate to be that mommy discussing her childrens bodily functions.

i will say this, i think its a good thing that no one told me about how horrible potty training can be to live through. had i known, i would probably be childless bathing poolside in the carribean right now. wait a minute...

capturing time

the weeks just seem to be blowing right by me in a blur. i often find myself in a moment with my boys that i just know that i want to blog about, so it must be time for another "capturing time" post.

k.
you are really walking your own course when it comes to the whole speech thing. your vocabulary has absolutely increased; gone are the days when "mama" and "milk" where your mainstays. unfortunately, we still have a *very* hard time deciphering most of what you say. i know this frustrates you to no end. i am sad to see that you are starting to communicate through pointing again when you get really frustrated. some days it is like we speak entirely different languages. i am frustrated too bud, hang in there with me! i promise you, it wont always be like this. you will be in ECI again next year, and during the summer break we are going to get you back in private therapy. i am still holding out hope that by kindergarten you will be in great shape.

you are still wearing the baseball cap you put on sometime in october and only take it off for baths and school (because they make you take it off at school and you are a rule follower). the hat has gotten quite worn on the brim and i am not really sure what we will do when it falls apart completely. i am pretty sure we will have to cross that bridge before the summer is out though.

you taught yourself how to ride your big brothers scooter this week. you rejoice in the freedom it allows you. unfortunately the scooter is no longer equipped with a brake, so you end each run in a curb. but then you get up and giggle and get right back on and head to the next curb.

you love your 3 stuffed puppies, the twin pups and chocolate puppy, almost as much as you love mommy and daddy. you take chocolate puppy everywhere and sleep with all three during naps and overnight. about a week ago you insisted on putting a moses basket into your bed for the twin puppies to sleep in along side you. you share your blanket with them and make mommy and daddy kiss them goodnight before you will go to sleep each night. you warm my heart daily.

m.
you are 3. 3 is a difficult age apparently because you throw yourself down on the floor and have a full blown kicking and screaming tantrum about once every hour, if not more. you wail this completely phony "ooohhhoo" cry as you are kicking on the floor. it makes me giggle. you, not soo much.

you are talking a mile a minute. some of your favorite things to talk about are food, the daily schedule, food, school, food, the school bus, food, etc.

you continue to be impulsive and live life to the extreme. fortunately our visits to the doctor and ER have lessened to the point where they may no longer be able to pick us out of a lineup. this is not to say that your knobby little knees are not full of bumps and scrapes, because they are. this week you got what was essentially a paper cut on your finger. you walked around all day holding that finger (covered in a monkey bandaid) upright and above your head, claiming you couldnt do the task at hand because you had a boo-boo. you were sad to learn that you, and your boo-boo, would in fact be going to school that day.

several times a week you will run up to me, throw yourself at me full force and scream "i love you mommy" - this totally melts my heart, each and every time.

f.
my big boy! every time someone sees you lately they are commenting on how you have shot up. i guess because i see you every day its harder for me to notice. or maybe i have my head in the sand. but they are right, you are becoming such a big kid!

you have a zest for reading, which i LOVE to see. you are deep into chapter books and are reading 2-3 books a week! the diary of a wimpy kid series is your new favorite. i am soo thrilled that you enjoy reading and hope you will cultivate that interest for the rest of your life.

when you are not reading, you are doling out math problems to mommy and daddy like they are candy on halloween. neither of us really know where this deep seeded interest in numbers came from. even though i know your math skills are going to far surpass mine, probably sometime next week, i do hope you will continue to develop this skill as well. just dont expect me to help you with square route problems, which you are convinced you will be learning next year.

your sense of humor is still a joy to witness. although these days there is a load of potty humor mixed in, i still see your sense of quick wit and often find myself laughing out loud at the things you say. i love you bud!

bloggity blog

i have been busy writing away over here for a bit now, come join me. dont worry, i have not given up on the tales of the short people in my life. i have just been concentrating on myself for a bit. i do have some posts stirring about in my head about family life, but have decided to wait until after this weekend when we handle the ashes of my MIL. thats bound to be good for a post, right?!

playground etiquette

we were having such a nice afternoon today, lunch at whole foods with m&k and granny, a tour of a possible neighborhood nearby for granny and pop to live in and a quick trip to a playground to let the boys run off some energy. that is, right up until two boys, about 4 years old, (who were already at the playground when we arrived) had some obvious issues with sharing. so that brings me to ask, how do you handle it at a public playground when other children are not playing nice.

these boys were complaining that they didnt want to share the playground equipment with my children. there were two big play structures, so to avoid a conflict we moved the boys to the other play structure. then the boys came over and said they couldnt play there either. so i replied something like, the playground equipment is for everyone and we were going to share today. the boys continued to complain, all while their mothers sat by idly chatting with one another. we continued to play for another few minutes, enduring the complaining and aggressive behavior of these boys without saying anything other than we were going to share, the equipment was for everyone.

and then it happened... k was attempting to climb a chain ladder and the boys were waiting at the top telling him he couldnt come up. i was standing close by because it was a pretty high climb, and frankly i didnt trust the boys on the top. then the boys, both of them, proceeded to spit on k. i yelled loud enough for their mothers to hear, "NO, do not spit on him!" finally the mothers got up and investigated. i overheard one of them scold the boys and tell him to apologize. she did walk him over to apologize, which he half-heartedly did. the other mother went to her car to get something and seemed unconcerned at all about the events occuring. the mother who did get involved did not make eye contact or say anything to me at all. i know in her position i would have been mortified, and probably would have said as much as i over-apologized for the disgusting behavior. i was pretty shocked that she said nothing at all to me. we left about two minutes later, because it was clear the boys were going to continue being bullies and the mother was not interested. what would you have done??

last night i fell in love

i remember the summer between senior year of high school and starting college fondly. looking back, one of the best parts of that summer is that i met one of my best friends. somehow the UofD just knew to put us together as freshman roommates, and we have been fast friends ever since. we laugh together, cry together and sometimes laugh so hard we start to cry. all good qualities in a best friend if you ask me. she later became my maid of honor and then she and her husband became the godparents of my first born. she is a great mom and wonderful friend and happens to have fantastic taste in music. throughout our friendship she has happily influenced my musical taste and that is one of the things i miss most about no longer sharing a house with her. about a year ago she introduced me to the old 97s and rhett miller. it was easily a crush at first listen.

a couple of months ago i got an email from my bestie saying that rhett miller was coming to play at a nearby club. i was instructed to attend the show in the email, immediately i replied and said that they needed to come down from ithaca and join us. moments later phone calls were made, tickets were purchased, babysitters were secured and an adult evening was planned. i was overjoyed as i waited for last night to arrive.

the venue is a small and intimate setting. we had pretty decent seats for what ended up being a sold out show. although the opening band was lackluster and very repetative, there was still a buzz in the air. the opening band announced they would play just two more songs before rhett came out and the audience began to sit a little taller in anticipation. when rhett came out on stage it wasnt long before i leaned over and whispered in the ear of my bestie that i had falled in love. the whole show was awesome - he is an amazing guitarist, wonderful songwriter, very funny and good looking to boot. i just about died and went to heaven when i got to meet him after the show and have him sign my newly purchased firefly shirt. when i recovered from getting my picture taking with a rock star and collected myself i realized he signed my shirt with a heart and i fell even harder. see for yourself...

4 months later

herein lies the post where i confess that i suck as a mom. nearly 4 months ago my baby boys turned 3. we did celebrate, fun was had, pictures were taken. HOWEVER, since then, the birthday candle has sat unlit in my dining room. at first i was waiting for m.'s black eye to go away. then i was waiting for the giant goose egg on m.'s head to go away. then i was waiting for m.'s new black eye to go away. then the snow came and we did nothing for weeks while we were trapped inside. then i was waiting for k. to grow out of wearing his wearing his baseball cap all hours of the day and night phase to end. eventually i realized that it was probably best to go ahead and capture the black eye phase and the hat wearing phase. and wouldnt you know it, my children are nearly 3 and a half! but nonetheless, sucky mom or not, here are a few of the birthday candle pics...

still here

i am still here. i just have not had much to say lately, or have been too busy, or insert your own random excuse here. we have been busy, enough said. soo much has happened since i last wrote.

j's mom passed away, we attended the funeral and still have the ashes to spread-which happens in early may. j and his dad seem to be getting much closer. i am happy for him that this is the silver lining of the situation.

the boys have been doing well. a little ear infection and strep throat here and there, but for the most part smooth sailing. f. has been doing great in school. he complains of being bored there, so we are working on that. he continues to add amusement to our days. m. is still as impulsive as ever. we find him to be such a challenge some days, but almost always cute as a button. during a moment of silence during the funeral he looked up at j. and said at top volume "i love you daddy!" not only was it what j needed to hear right then, but i think it was enjoyed by the entire congregation. k. continues to make slow and steady progress with speech. his vocabulary is finally expanding, though we still struggle to understand much of what he says. we actually met with the little boys teacher on friday and it looks like they will both be in ECI again next year. i really feel they both still need it, so its reassuring to know we are all on the same page.

i have been happily plugging along as well. i started weight watchers in january and have lost 17 lbs so far. i have a long way to go, but i am actually pretty proud of my efforts to date. thats it for now, i will try to post more often.

catharsis

i have been spending a lot of time this week wondering why some people know how to love and some dont have a clue. is it because i was raised with two loving parents who were often telling me they loved me and not afraid of showing physical affection for me? is it because we are all born already knowing how to love and for some people that knowledge gets lost somewhere along the way? i dont know the answer, but i do know this i am eternally grateful that i fall into the category of those who do know how to love.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

j.'s mother is dying of cancer. its a cruel disease. i spent the better part of my week, helping her to the commode,, giving her medication, lifting her up and helping her get comfortable, cleaning her diapers, catching her bile in a basin as it flowed uncontrollably from her mouth, trying to soothe her spirit and soul all while trying to comfort her children who have spent a lifetime wondering why they often question the love their mother has for them. it was probably one of the most painful weeks of my life. i found myself encouraging her to apologize to her children for her choices that left them feeling unloved. i found myself teaching her how to apologize, telling her how a mother just plain makes sacrifices for their children, begging her not to love her children with condition, and finally telling her just to let go. later, alone with my thoughts i found myself overcome with emotion and i cried until i couldnt catch my breath. once i calmed down i realized that in being there for j. and l., i had said everything that i needed j's mom to know. it no longer mattered if she was a mother that didnt know how to love. it no longer mattered that she admittedly loved her children with condition. for her the end is very near, the damage has been done. but in standing up for her children, and in turn myself, everything that had been plaguing all of us was out in the open. i now truly know what a catharsis is. i said everything i needed to say, i cried all the tears i need to cry, and i am at peace.

adrift

in case you have been living under a rock and may not have heard, maryland has been getting hammered with snow this winter. i have wonderful friends who live in ithaca, new york; you know where it is supposed to snow from oh say halloween right up until easter, who have been laughing maniacally at me recently. they can do that because they only have 4 inches of snow on the ground right now, where as i lost count somewhere around 40 inches.

when the snow drifts got to a point where i couldnt see over them, i started to go a little crazy. last night when the snow was coming down solid as it had been for the last 24 hours with no end in sight, i started to go a lot crazy. i have been alternating between cussing out mother nature, attempting to avoid the refrigerator and desparately trying to find something to watch on tv other than weather coverage. yes, we know its a sh!tload of snow, we are all trapped in our homes with nothing to do but watch tv - for the love of all things good, please put something on besides perky little weather reporters talking about how we are expecting yet another storm next week. you know people are going crazy when your own sweet mother sends you images of snowmen hanging themselves. yet somehow its not exactly comforting to know that we are all going crazy together.

did i mention that on tuesday, i was rudely awaken by the automated phone call from the county calling off school for the next day. AND FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!! the automated message also included a sweet little reminder that monday is a holiday, and as planned, school will be closed then as well. fantastic! so much for all the stars aligning to attend the valentine's parties at school.

our street has been plowed, thank you home owners association. the driveway is cleaned out, thank you lovely neighbor with giant snowblower. the cars are cleaned off, thank you j. after my kids take a nap today we will leave this house. i dont care if we go to the dentist and have teeth extracted without the aid of anethesia, we will leave this house today. i am adrift in over 40 inches of snow and if i dont get out soon i fear for the sweet people who live with me.

grammy performance?

with apologies to the black eyed peas

valentines day already?

it seems the schools are already gearing up for valentine's festivities. this year the stars have aligned, and jon is off that day, so we will both be able to attend all the kids parties. clearly i am looking forward to it more than f. because when i told him i bought some cards for him to give to his friends he said he didnt want to give out cards this year. i thought i would employ some mommy psychology and shared with him that his brothers were sending valentines to all of their friends at school, hoping that would encourage him to do the same. sometimes mommy psychology is not all that successful, because f. replied: "mom, what do you think i was born yesterday? the boys dont know how to write!" oh well, i can still look forward to the celebrations, right?

funerals and other sucky things

my funeral pants are getting a workout this season, which sucks. there is no other way to put it. in october i put them on to attend a viewing for a new friend who was saying goodbye to her 18 month old baby girl.

then j's aunt died just before the new year and last week we traveled to NYC, funeral pants in tow, to attend her funeral mass and reception. the mass was beautiful and there was barely a dry eye in the place. as i sat in the second row behind j's uncle it seemed that his aunt, the consummate event planner, had thought of every detail. even the beautiful stained glass window was gleaming in the most spectacular and vibrant sapphire blue i had ever seen; the sun was at the perfect height in the sky to illuminate the mass. i know j's family couldnt help but think that they might find themselves seeing each other again soon under similar circumstances as his mother is very ill.

the morning of the funeral, j's mom went back into the hospital for fever, chills and what ended up being pneumonia. to me the saddest part of this is seeing her turn her children away, time and again. j. and his sister, although tenuous to admit it out loud, desperately want to be acknowledged in some way other than her error filled christmas missive sent to family and friends each december or the 2 minute phone conversations that hastily occur with infrequency. the passive aggressive maneuvers and selfish plotting that his mother undertakes with steadfastness astounds me. i had high hopes that terminal cancer would cause some introspection on her part and give her the courage to reach out to her children. i still hold onto this hope, but these days that hope is like tiny grains of sand running through my hands.

as a mother myself, i am hard pressed to think of anything more fulfilling than seeing my child succeed and then acknowledging it. i love to see the grin on f's face when i tell him i am proud of him. it warms my heart to see m or k cheer for themselves when they accomplish something as simple as completing a puzzle because as their biggest cheerleader, i have already started cheering. i am sad for j's mother that she will likely spend her whole life never knowing that fulfillment. i am heartbroken for my husband that he will never hear those words of praise from his own mother.

as a wife, i am angry at j's mom for treating him this way. he deserves better! we make sacrifices for our children and i cant comprehend why this thought never occurs to her. j's mom recently complained to his sister about her "bucket list" of things that will be left unmarked. sadly none of the things she is wanting to accomplish have anything to do with her family. she is angry that she cant attend a poetry reading, or eat a certain meal, or hike a trail with friends. but nowhere on that list is anything that resembles spending time with her children or grandchildren. her children and her grandchildren deserve better.

as we were travelling home from the funeral in NYC, i called a good friend to check in and learned that a member of our mothers of multiples club lost her son while i was away. this little boy spent the majority of his 3.5 years in the hospital fighting for his life. he was born early like my boys, and was afflicted with NEC, just like my m. unfortunately his fight with NEC took a different turn, and he spent months at a time in the hospital undergoing surgery after surgery. he had a multiple organ transplant. his father quit his job to become his full time caregiver and his parents uprooted their lives to move to PA to be by his bedside as he fought for his life day after day. as i unpacked my suitcase and put on those funeral pants for the second time in one week i couldnt help but think about how unfair it was that this family had lost their son. a son that they doted over and loved soo much.

we are taking the kids to see j's mom one last time this weekend. part of me thinks this is a terrible idea. it feels like we are rewarding her selfish ways, but j. is adamant that his children have a chance to say goodbye to their grandmother. i know that they will not remember the goodbye or likely her for that matter. but if it helps my husband to have his family by his side as he says goodbye to his mother, we will be there. i know it will not be long before the funeral pants come out of the closet again, which sucks. there is no other way to put it.

saying goodbye to '09

i have to say, i am not too sorry to say good bye to 2009. its been a painful crawl to the end of the year. m. has really been impulsive lately. when his therapist first mentioned her concerns about him being impulsive, i think i sort of half listened. mostly what i heard was this is a way to get him into school with k., so i went with it. but last night, when the third catastrophe in one week occured i had second thoughts.

we were at a party with good friends last night and suddenly from the other room i heard that gut wrenching cry that makes all mothers stop dead in their tracks. unfortunately for me, i knew that cry all to well. upon investigating, i discovered that m. had fallen and hit his head pretty hard on something (turns out he made contact with the coffee table after tripping over a fallen friend). soo hard, in fact, that he had an indentation from the impact. my first thought was please do not let us have to go to the ER again this week! honestly, i wasnt sure i would walk out of the ER without having been interviewed by child services. on christmas eve m. managed to set a fire in his bedroom with a trick involving electricity and a common bed pillow that would make even macgyver jealous.

two days after christmas we visited the ER after m. pulled a large bench down on his head. we are still trying to figure out how he managed that. thankfully i have a wonderful neighbor who came and sat with the other boys while j. and i took m. to the hospital. as it turned out it was a clean gash that glued together again nicely. of course he was rewarded for his good behavior by getting a giant popsicle at 10pm from the nurse. every morning since then he wakes up and says "hey mommy, what are we doing today?" i reply' "i dont know m., what do you want to do today?" and he says "lets go to the doctors for popsicles!!" and then at some point later that day it is likely that i will discuss with j. if his latest antic is worthy of that visit to said dr. after all.

which leads us to the indentation in his head last night. you know its a bad goose egg when a mom of triplets says "oh my, i have never seen a bump that bad!"

all this is to say, i am actually really starting to worry about just how impulsive m. is and what lies ahead for him. so as i say goodbye to '09 i am resolving to try to stay one step ahead of all of my kids this year, without being a helicopter mom. and as i ring in twentyten with girlfriends next weekend on an overnight trip to national harbor in DC i can only hope that i wont get a phone call that involves details about any sort of emergency room visit, bloodshed or fire starting.