guilt

i am convinced that when you become a mom something happens to your guilt reflex. somehow all those pregnancy hormones overstimulate it. being raised catholic, i am sure, contributed in some fashion - after all the catholics know guilt!

at 3am f. came crashing into my room screaming he had to throw up and making a horribly "fake" retching sound. so i got up and did my motherly duties. he tells me he threw up in my bedroom, which was not the case. so i took him to the bathroom, rubbed his back and asked what was wrong. he replied that he was so sick he didnt think he could go to connecticut this weekend (or school tomorrow). so i am thinking to myself that he is faking it, but nonetheless i administered a dose of medicine, supplied a puke bin and tucked him back in bed. when i got back in bed myself j. asked what was going on. i told him f. was overly anxious about the trip to connecticut for some reason, but that he was fine.

at 6am my door opens again, this time i did the one-eyed peek followed by the two-armed scoop of f. into bed with me (puke bin and all). i promptly rolled over and tried to get some more sleep. there were mumblings about how he was sick and couldnt go to connecticut or school. the whole time i am thinking, you have two days left of school before summer - kid you are going to school. when the mumblings eventually evolved into a loud roar i suggested a cartoon downstairs. off he ran, and i do mean ran. so i figured, he is fine. he is going to school, i am going to run my 8 gagillion errands so that we can pack up the car and go to connecticut, everything will be fine.

at 6:30am my door opens a third time. he doesnt like the cartoon that is on. i think to myself, i really need to teach this child how to work the remote - 4.75 is old enough to use a remote, right? again, i do the one-eyed peek followed by the two-armed scoop. this time he settles into sleep and for the first time i think maybe he really is feeling sick. quickly followed by no, he is probably just tired from waking up at 3am.

at 7am i hop out of bed and get m & k going. i decide f. really needs to go to school so i get him up and let him pick "whatever" he wants to breakfast. i hop in the shower and when i get out i hear him screaming "mommy, help!! i threw up all over everything!" turns out this time he was right! ugh!!!

7:30 insert guilt!!!

the market

its seems like lately i don't get through a day with out saying something like "well, the market just sucks right now!" and it is true - its a terrible market in which to be selling a home. we are putting things on hold for a bit and taking the house of the market. of course yesterday we made the difficult decision and sent our realtor an email letting him know. moments later we get a call saying we have a showing today. so we let the showing happen and as usual, the house showed well, but they arent interested. so off the market it goes. we are debating adding on or just plain picking a new realtor.

i have really mixed feelings about the whole thing and just want to go cry in my drink right now. the good news is we can go back to living in our house as opposed to having it appear that no one actually lives here because every surface is devoid of items and all personal effects have been stored in the attic. yea us! (<-----dripping sarcasm)

overheard in the ladies room at 6 flags theme park today

teenage girl on cell phone: hi, i just wanted to let you know that we have had a family emergency, so i wont be able to make it there today afterall.
(pause while listening to person on phone)
teenage girl on cell phone: yes, my brother was in an accident
(pause while listening to person on phone)
teenage girl on cell phone: ok then, thank you, i will see you then.
(pause while listening to person on phone)
teenage girl on cell phone: yes, i hope everything will be ok too. bye.
(hangs up phone)
girl's friend: you are scandalous!

overheard in my house recently

f: (sick in bed) MOOOOMMMMM
me: sigh
f: MOOOOMMMMMMMMMM
me: yes
f: mom, this is so boring, isnt there something i could watch while i was laying here in bed?

+++++++++++++++++++++++

on phone with bff, who is married with 4 kids
bff: (lots of yelling in the background)
me: what was that?
bff: that was my booty call
me: excuse me?
bff: that was a. (youngest child) screaming for me to wipe her butt. it gives new meaning to the term booty call, dont ya think?
me: indeed it does

+++++++++++++++++++++++

f: mom, check out this house i built (out of mega blocks)
me: its pretty cool
f: yup, here is the door, see the secret doorknob here in blue. if the people come in the house this way they get to stay and they dont even have to wedding us.
me: they dont even have to get married to live together?
f: nope, they dont even have to get wedding'd
me: how about that

++++++++++++++++++++++

f: mom, can you please stop all of this rain
me: i wish sweetie, but the plants must be really thirsty
f: i think the plants must really be sick to their stomachs by now.

++++++++++++++++++++++

me: f. if you throw one more thing, it is going in the trash
f: just today or for all the days?

petri dish

you know your house is a giant petri dish when your dental hygienist calls for the fifth time to try to squeeze you in for an appointment. see, you missed the first one due to your own flu and the second one due to croup, the third try because no one wants to watch croupy kids, the fourth call you said "not today" due to general exhaustion and the fifth one you declined due to hand foot and mouth disease.

when i passed the news about the hand, foot and mouth along i overheard the receptionist in the background say "what have they caught now?" the nice hygienist then actually offered to stop by on her way home from work with some adult beverages. i told her just to bring the biggest needle she had in the office and i would just mainline some tequila straight into my veins! she agreed, i am pretty sure i will hear a knock at my door around 4:30 when their office closes. before she hung up she said "n., i am praying for you!"

rearing its ugly head

well, its nearing summer so we thought we might as well give the latest in summer viruses a try in our household. as i type i have one asleep on the couch sporting a fever of 103.2, one passed out cold in their crib with a 101 fever and one camped out in front of the tv watching cartoons and hopefully staying far away from the germs. the hand, foot and mouth virus is rearing its ugly head here. i see a long week ahead of me! oh joy!

mom's day recap

well, mothers day has come and gone. and for all intents and purposes it was mostly like any other weekend (with a few small exceptions). i should know by now that my husband is not really a romantic. so friday morning when i said, "you know, mothers day is this weekend" and he replied, "we are going to super wal.mart today, maybe you can pick out something for yourself" i decided right then and there that it was best to set my expectations low.

saturday i mentioned that some of my friends had been in the paper talking about how they would like their mothers day to be celebrated. i even left the article up on the computer screen hoping he might read it for some inspiration. really all we want as mothers (and whats more, mothers of multiples) is a day to enjoy our children without having to be responsible for all the upkeep that we handle all week long. when it was clear he wasnt going to read the article, i took a more direct approach and spelled out a plan. i told j. and f. that "i would like to sleep in on mothers day. then, after you put the boys back down for their morning nap, i would like breakfast in bed. french toast and strawberries would be wonderful."

sunday morning, they did come through and i might add that the syrup was even warmed up and there was even a small vase on my plate with a single flower in it. and it was only an hour earlier than i usually put m&k back down for a morning nap, so it wasnt exactly a quiet breakfast as the two of them screamed in protest. the rest of the day was largely unremarkable. we did go downtown for a bit and had a sweet treat. and granny and pop came for dinner, which was nice. maybe next year i need to lay out a more detailed plan that includes the whole day. i know there is some hope since the flower in a vase that was included at breakfast was entirely his idea.

play by play

m: (loud screaming, escalating to crying)
k: (loud screaming)
me: f, what is going on in there?
f: k is attacking m and m is attacking k. k is winning!!

strawberry splits

tonight f. requested strawberry splits for dessert (think banana split, sans banana add strawberries). so i got out five little bowls and began to fill them up.

j. and i started to feed m.&k. theirs first. k. just kept crying everytime j. put the spoon near his face. he would turn his head away, a sure sign that he doesnt want what is being offered. finally we just got him down from the highchair. then he started to beg from each of us. after lots of trial and error we discovered the little independent man just wanted to feed himself, so back in the highchair he went. see for yourself...















thank goodness though - i was worried that a child of mine didnt like chocolate ;-)

j. is in the kitchen now cleaning up the aftermath, i believe i just heard him mutter "looks like a chocolate murder happened in here" under his breath. so glad cleanup is his job!

open letter to my children

f, m & k-

i love you all to bits, but today you nearly drove me right over the edge. i feel like i spent my *entire* day corralling each of you and asking you repeatedly to please stop doing x, y and z. so i am going to write this letter and direct you here from now on, so i dont have to keep saying the following in no particular order:

m - please take your finger out of your nose. i am truly excited that when i ask you where your nose is, or lately even look at you, you can now locate your nose with ease. but do you need to stick your finger up there each and every time?

m- could you please stop opening my kitchen drawers? when you open them, k only wants to come over and throw all the contents on the floor or slam the drawer shut on your tiny fingers. as you well know by now, k is nothing if not purposeful about slamming things shut.

m- could you please stop rifling through the kitchen trash and putting its contents into your mouth? really, i feed you plenty and often and there is no need to resort to this.

k - could you please stop opening my kitchen drawers? what is so exciting about my phone charger - when you whip it around like that it is more than likely going to smack you in the head each. and. every. time. please dont make me say "i told you that would happen" one more time.

k- could you please stop unplugging the dvd player? it is really a pain to have to reach back there and plug it in again when i am desperate to put baby einstein on for you. really, its in your best interest to leave it plugged in - i promise you.

m - while we are on the subject of tv. when i do put baby einstein on, could you please stop changing the channel? it only works if the tv is on channel 4, and the remote batteries are dying. really and truly i dont want to have to swipe batteries from one of your toys to replace the ones in the remote, but you can be sure i will pick the ones in that damn animal train one. "come aboard the animal train, its really lots of fun" yes thats the one!

m- could you possibly try to stop drowning yourself in the bathtub? when you plunge yourself face first into the water it makes breathing really difficult. this one really should be self-explanatory.

f- yes, its a school day! i know, i know, you dont want to go to school. kid, you have at least 12 more years ahead of you. i am running out of excuses for why it is a good thing. from now on you will get the same answer. "its the law, that is why you must go to school today." do we really need twelve more years of this?

f- no you can not have just marshmallows for breakfast. or lunch. or dinner.

k- btw, i know you can walk now. i watched with my own eyes as you stood up in the middle of the room yesterday and took at least 8 steps across the room. i know you think i didnt see you and tried to pretend you could only crawl all day today - but i saw you. give it up kid, i am going to stop carrying you *everywhere* very soon!

k- can you kindly refrain from throwing goldfish, legos, spoons, and anything else small enough to fit down the HVAC vent? its a pain in the arse to get that thing open and retrieve all those tiny parts. i just got your big brother trained well enough to stop throwing crayons down there and really thought i had at least a few years before you would figure out this game.

f- no, you can not watch just one. more. cartoon. i am already feeling guilty enough about the last 3 you watched and how the tv is rotting your brain. for the love of all that is good in this world, play with one of the ten gagillion toys that you have in each and every room of this incredibly shrinking house.

love you boysers,
mama

it's working

i have been fighting to get past this whole nicu experience for what has seemed like an inordinate amount of time. yesterday, i finally felt like i made some real progress. it was my first day to volunteer in the nicu and talk to current families about my experience and answer their questions. i had been anxious about how this was going to go and if i was going to be strong enough to tackle this emotionally. a few months back, something inside of me just said sign up to be a part of this support team and face your fears head on. and you know what? its working! i used my very own badge to gain access to the unit yesterday and just took it head on. the nurses and one of the docs and the social worker were there to greet me and they were excited about the support team getting started. each baby room had a picture of our group, with a little blurb about how we are hoping to help the families. i barely got in the door and the nurse practitioner was asking to see pics of my babes. as they oohed and ahhed over the boys my nerves just melted away.

so i got started going room to room meeting families and sharing our experience. it felt so great to be answering questions, parent to parent. after visiting with a family i sat by the nurses station and waited for more parents to arrive and one of the nurses said one of her families was doing kangaroo care and would probably really like to talk to me. as she took me in the direction of the room, i realized it was the very same room that m&k had spent so many days in once they were put in a twin room. but the funny thing was, it didnt bother me at all going in there. i felt at home somehow and when the monitors started dinging to let the mama and grandma know the babes needed a little nudge i didnt bat an eye. and when the grandma started to cry because her nerves got the best of her, i comforted her and rubbed her shoulder and told her it would be ok - that i knew it was scary, but she was doing a great job. i talked to them for a good long time and when they thanked me i almost felt guilty because little did they know i was helping myself the whole time too!

i am so glad that i listened to that little voice inside of me telling me to get involved - this is exactly what i needed!