running errands with a 4 year old

after dinner last night, fin and i went out to run a few errands. somehow he is now under the impression that if he is good, he will get a treat at each and every stop. dont know where that could have possibly come from. the truth is though, i enjoy having the company running errands and he keeps me laughing. last night we had to stop at the liquor store to get some reinforcements for tonight. fin has never been to the liquor store before. when we pulled up, he asked where we were. in efforts to simplify things i said "this is the beer store. mommy needs some beer for the party tomorrow night." quickly followed by "please do not touch anything in this store, because everything is very fragile." he was great in the store, looked only with his eyes (when did i become the mom who says that?!?!) when we got back in the minivan he said "mommy, that beer store made me feel all bubbly." just as i was thinking oh boy, what have i done. he says "i dont like bubbles, they are for grownups." i will be sure to remind him of this the first time he returns home a little bubbly!

not ashamed to admit

i am not ashamed to admit that i frequently make use of dictionary.com. it is a great reference, has a thesaurus built in, its all around great. for example, this week it was particularly useful after a visit from MIL. she loves to use obscure words and really thinks better of herself for doing so. she is one of those people who pronounces croissant as if she were born and raised in paris (and was still living there) even though is an american. this week dictionary.com was so enlightening when i learned the definition of imp. it is particularly wonderful to know that MIL thinks this is a totally appropriate term to use when oohing and ahhing over her grandchild. "max is so impish" especially fun when it is repeated multiple times. of course only after she was done pointing out that "sadly, his eyes are no longer blue" umm, is she hitler?!

just in case you dont want to look it up yourself...
imp –noun

1.	a little devil or demon; an evil spirit.

2.	a mischievous child.

you really can find everything on ebay, pt 2

i know i mentioned this before, but when my sister and i were growing up we had our picture taken each year by a countdown birthday candle. at the time, i am sure i thought it was silly. and i made fun of my mom and her silly traditions - but the fact is, now that i am older i appreciate the traditions. i was really surprised when jon found the same exact countdown on ebay for fin over 4 years ago. so of course i wanted one for max and keegan as well. and therein was the problem. for months, i searched on ebay to no avail. then, about 1 week before christmas, i asked jon if he ever had any luck finding the candle. he said i will go look right now, and lo and behold, there was an auction that closed in two hours. this week the new candle arrived in the mail (i really would have paid any price for it, but we won it at $12.01).

here are the latest installments of the birthday candle collage in the making...

















max was not quite as enthralled

















here they are together...

merry christmas

what a joy to not look at your children through portholes on christmas morning! we have come a long way baby...

















fin had a fabulous christmas morning as well. when he saw the tree first thing this morning adorned with piles of presents he said "WOW, i guess santa didn't know how bad i was!"

a little diddy

merry christmas, merry christmas - my kid is puking out his brains
merry christmas, merry christmas - another has a rash from head to toe
merry christmas, merry christmas - max is still a wheezing fool
merry christmas, merry christmas - at least no one is hospitalized
merry christmas, merry christmas- i think i'll go have a drink
merry christmas, merry christmas- santa better bring me something good

miracle on 34th street

two years ago we started what we had intended to be an annual tradition. last year, as you know by now, it was sort of christmas interrupted for us. at any rate, this year we were back on course. last night with the whole family in tow, granny and pop included, we headed up to hamden and munched on the yummy treats at cafe hon. afterwards we walked over to miracle on 34th street and took in the lights. it was a balmy 40 degrees and we had a blast. i am not sure max and keegan knew was to think - but fin was enamored.





















this year, in the true spirit of entrepreneurship christmas, they even had street vendors and fin got some "santa bling-bling". it is hard to tell in this picture, but i am pretty sure this bling is going to induce a seizure in one of my children with its strobe light effects and glowing candy cane. its a sight to be seen (however not much fun in the *early* morning hours when you are awakened to the sound of "mommy, want to try on my new necklace?") i dont even want to know how much pop paid for this treasure!

here are the rest of us enjoying the lights. if you have never been and want to see a kitschy christmas that BGE is bound to love, check it out.

pillar

being a mom is hard work, no one debates that - whether you are at home with them all day or working outside the home, raising children is a difficult job. even though some days it is hard and i feel like i just want to go get a job where i travel 30 days a month, i love being a mom.

along the way i have been really fortunate to have a lot of support. rarely do i have to ask for it either - it always manages to present itself at all the necessary moments. the pillar though has been my very own mom. i think really, she is part of why i wanted to be a mom myself. it was just part of how she raised me.

by now you know that this time last year was such a difficult time for us. without thinking twice about it my mom just dropped everything and stepped in. i was in the hospital for 5 weeks and i didnt have to worry about fin at all, because she just moved in and took over. then max and keegan were in the nicu for so long, and again she was there to drive me to the hospital to visit them, take fin to school, even to take fin to see santa last year when i just couldnt manage it mentally. she even got fin doing things that i hadnt even considered, like making his own bed.

i get it that she was just being a mom to me by doing all these things. it just comes from such a place of love and i want her to know just how much i appreciate it. it means the world to me to have her be such a huge part of my life as well as my childrens. i love you mom! from the bottom of my heart, thank you!

overheard in my house today

me: max, stop biting me
max: (maniacal laughter)
me: max, please stop biting me
max: (more laughter)

********************************

fin: is it ok if daddy and i go outside to look for bugs?
me: well, sweetie, its raining and cold out. besides its winter there are no bugs.
fin: where do all the bugs go?
me: umm, they go deep down into the ground and take a big rest until it gets warmer out (sounds reasonable enough right?!)

an hour later...

fin: mom, i have a great idea. how about if we take the grass off, then dig down really deep. we could throw the dirt all around and then collect the bugs. daddy can wear his special gloves to attract the bugs. and then we will put all the dirt back and put the grass back too. then we will tape the grass down so the bugs cant get back in there. does that sound like a good idea?
me: well, its certainly a creative one

*************************************
jon: any interest in a bailey's?
me: umm, its 10:30AM!!
jon: well, its 7pm somewhere, right?!
me: (dirty look)
jon: (deflated look as he puts the bailey's back in the fridge)

whole house nebulizer

ever heard of one? i am thinking my life would be easier if all my house vents were somehow converted into a whole house nebulizer. max and keegan are back on the nebs! hopefully this means we will have it out of the way by the time santa makes his appearance.

the mommy that lost her "my"

here of late, fin has started to call me mom instead of mommy. less and less often do i hear that extra "my". i know its a great thing that he is growing up, but does it have to be so painful? at least when max and keegan start to talk i can have a few more years of "mommy".

fin is growing up in so many ways these days. he was *very* jealous of the boys birthday. he was just rotten on their actual birthday, making poor choices all day long. finally after a good twenty minutes of trying to convince him to put a shirt on (as it was only 30 degrees out) in a moment of weakness i finally said to him "what is your problem today?" to which he responded, "well, mom, there are two problems with today. one, it is max and keegan's birthday and they get to choose everything all day. and two, i dont want to wear a shirt!" well, i guess i am glad i asked!

on the other hand, he has become a great helper with m&k and watches them like a hawk. mostly, its to protect his big boy toys - but often he will tell me when they up to other mischief as well. and the other great thing is that keegan is finally in his good graces again. for awhile there he was all about max and barely acknowledged keegan at all. lately he is enjoying keegan equally - ahh! i guess losing the "my" isnt so terrible after all.

1 year, part 5 - keegan

keeg-

from that first cry you hailed that sounded like a duck, i should have known you would be the silly one. always ready with a smile. you are always finding a way to amuse yourself. lately you have been bouncing in your crib and squealing in delight as you inch closer to max because the crib is on wheels. this can occupy you for quite some time! it is no wonder you sleep so well. and really can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. you were the first one to come home from the hospital, but that is where the firsts stopped for you. you would much rather watch max do something first, and learn from his mistakes. you have a love affair going on with a little stuffed blue puppy, so much so that we have commandeered max's and given it to you as a back up. you have such bright eyes and are always ready to giggle.

see how much you have grown this past year...
















birthday pic 12/06





















too small for the carseat 1/07
















one big bird 1/07
















back when you were the little one 2/07





















good irish boy 3/07





















she is taking our picture again?! 4/07
















look at that smile 5/07
















can sleep anywhere 8/07
















class clown 9/07
















standing with your bro 9/07

















your cherished sleeping pal 10/07

















the cutest skunk in town (the hit of halloween really) 10/07

















hi mom! 11/07
















birthday cake 12/07

i love you keeg,
mommy

1 year, part 4 - max

maxer daxer -

somewhere along the line this year, you become known as "maxer daxer" in this house, sometimes "maxi boy". once you finally learned to keep your temp up, and joined us at home, the craziness ensued. every moment totally worth it though!

even though you started out as the big guy, keegan passed and then really surpassed you along the way. but you have had many of the firsts first. you sat up first, crawled first, cruised first and have even taken a step or two along the way. you know exactly how to get your way - cry. you have can even produce tears at the drop of a hat - usually when one of your brothers takes a toy from you. you would rather play than sleep. you would rather stand in your crib than lie down (preferably with your favorite moose in your mouth). you love to snuggle - pick you up and you will nuzzle right in to me. you love to hear the sound the cheerios make when they hit the floor. you are still holding on to those blue eyes (barely) and have the sweetest smile. you gave us a huge scare this fall ending up back in the hospital with rsv - but even took that like it was no big deal, flirting with nurses along the way. you are very serious and incredibly curious. but i know your ticklish spots and love to use that just to hear your infectious giggle.

look at how much you have grown this past year...
















your birthday pic 12/06
















kangaroo with daddy 12/06
















your homecoming pic 1/07
















february, snuggled in 2/07





















serious, even back then 2/07
















ahh, swing good 3/07
















boy, its hard work keeping this head up 4/07
















the smile surfaces 5/07





















sweet, sweet boy (rare is a photo of you sleeping!) 6/07
















hi there!






















see, i can stand in my crib! 8/07





















yummy lunch! 9/07





















happy halloween, pup! 10/07





















see, the moose! 11/07
















birthday cake! 12/07

love you maxer daxer,
mommy

1 year, part 3

m & k,

after the new year came and went, i started to think you boys would never be sprung from the confines of the nicu. we spent so many holidays there with you. thanksgiving (still in my belly), christmas eve and christmas day, mommy and daddy's 10th wedding anniversary, and new years eve and new years day. we had sort of had enough and just really wanted you home. by now daddy had returned to work, so that when you did finally get sprung he could spend time at home with us. every morning he would fill a cooler with all the momma's milk and drive to the nicu to wish you a good morning. most days you were still sleeping, so he would quietly sneak out and go to work. one morning, he got pulled over for speeding on his way to see you. the policeman practically gave him a police escort when daddy told him that he was just taking milk to his boys in the nicu.

somehow, unwittingly, we were becoming members of this "club" of nicu survivors. those were such hard days. i felt pulled in so many directions, to be at home with fin who had been without me for 5 weeks, to be by your bedsides, to be with family for the holidays, etc. but the worst pull of all came when you were discharged keegan. i had to do the unthinkable and leave max behind. i was so happy to have you out of the nicu keegan, but it was horribly tempered by the fact that max was still in his isolette. it was a long difficult week, one i wasnt sure i would survive. but survive we did - all 5 of us! on a cold morning in january when i called to check on max first thing in the morning i got the best news ever - he would be discharged!! the poor nurse who took care of you max that day never saw anyone scoop up a baby and run out the doors so quickly. she was rushing behind me to the car, saying are you sure you dont have any questions. it felt so wonderful to have all my boys under one roof. that day i took one of my favorite pictures ever.
















to be continued...

1 year, part 2

m & k,

the next few days are hard to remember what exactly happened when. i know it seemed to take *forever* for me to be able to get out of bed and take a wheelchair ride to see you again. it was sometime the morning of the 7th, but i cant remember exactly when. as a parent that was the hardest part. i had friends and family visit me the night of your birth and all i had to share were photos. one of our favorite nicu nurses, cheryl, was there for your delivery and took the very first photos of you for daddy to bring to me. they are treasured images.

i remember thinking how tiny you were and how fragile you both looked. max, you looked so unhappy on the ventilator - mad really! and initially you were in separate rooms. daddy had already been schooled on the ways of the nicu and he told me what everything meant and familiarized me a bit with your new home for the next month or so. still, it was hard to get acclimated. i remember daddy and i having a conversation about how you were both in open cribs. we had noted that most of the other babies in the nicu were in isolettes. naively, we thought this meant you would be short termers. we quickly learned that the open beds were for easy access in your early nicu hours and were crushed when you were each moved behind the portholes of an isolette. then a few days later you were moved to a shared room! my greatest joy about that shared room was being able to hold both of you at the same time. full of wires, ivs, etc - i was able to kangaroo both of you and it was blissful!

then began the nicu roller coaster. you both had good days and bad. max - you got a terrible infection on christmas eve. we really thought we would lose you and again were so deflated. the doctors suspected that you had NEC and we would face a rough road ahead. for over 48 hours we waited for news and were finally rewarded with a christmas present that i dare say will never be topped. you just had an infection - not NEC. that was a bright spot along the way! keegan, you were such a trooper - you just went with the flow and took on every new challenge. breastfeeding was easy for you and you earned an early exit to an open crib. we thought we would take you home on new years day, but alas the floor dropped right out from under us again. that day both you and max had blood transfusions. afterwards, you turned bright red like elmo, dropped your temp and went back to the isolette. max was still struggling with breastfeeding, so i was glad in a way that he would have a chance to catch up.

to be cont...

cake anyone?

keegan took the divide and conquer approach while max was a bit more reserved (true to form)!

1 year, part 1

Happy 1st Birthday Max & Keegan!!!

i would like to recount the highlights of the last year, and it will probably take me a few days. the most likely place to start is where i found myself this time last year. so here goes, bear with me...

when asked this morning by a great friend "can you believe they are 1 now?" i replied, "i can hardly believe that i have twins, much less that they are 1 year olders!" and it is true, this year has been a whirlwind. this time last year, i was laying in a hospital bed, "magged" out convinced that i was going to just burn up and melt away into the bed. and then the whirlwind began. dr. j came back to check me again, and said "you know what, we are gonna go have these babies now!" suddenly i was swarmed with nurses and even your daddy who is generally like the calm in the storm looked a bit panicked. before i knew it, in true dr. j style, we were bumping someone from the OR and there i sat high up on that operating table getting my epidural. after that things just started to go even quicker. i remember hearing you come out first max, and the room was pretty quiet. daddy said, i am going with him.

before i had time to process that, keegan, you made your entrance and your cries sounded just like a duck quacking. but it was the most beautiful sound ever. the surgeon helping dr. j, peeked over the curtain at me and said "they look good mom!". i needed to hear that, because i couldnt see anything that was going on. you were both whisked off to the next room and there was still so much going on with my surgery. at one point i heard dr. j ask for an update and someone responded "A" had a really rough start, and "B" is doing well. that is when i actually got to hold you keegan for a few brief moments. you were soo tiny and your hair was so fluffy. it was like holding air really, downy soft air! a nurse scooped keegan back up and then a little while later they brought you to me, max. i wasnt able to hold you because they were transporting you to the nicu. i reached out my arm to touch your little head and tell you i love you. and with that the nicu nurse said "we have to go mom". i didnt see either of you again until the next day.

to be continued...

st. nicholas day

explaining being pregnant to a 3 year old is a strange thing. they have no concept of time and dont understand 9 months. while i was preggo with max and keegan we continually told fin that after santa came, then max and keegan would come. after all, my original due date was in february. this was an easy way for him to digest the concept of 9 months. when i went on bedrest, one of my first thoughts was if these babies come before santa i am going to have a lot of explaining to do. as it turns out - they did arrive before santa. in all the chaos that ensued on dec. 6th last year, i didnt realize at the time that it was st. nicholas day. how appropriate! still not an easy concept for a child, but nonetheless from now on max and keegan will always share their birthday with st. nick! i can't believe that they will be 1 tomorrow!!

offerings for santa

yes, that is a box o' chocolate milk and a tj's granola bar left under the tree for santa by fin. how thoughtful, a snack for on the go - thank goodness its not perishable!

white lights

last year when i was in the hospital, i had a particularly difficult time with the idea of having to spend christmas there. the thought of fin spending his christmas at my bedside was heart wrenching. my eyes are blurred with tears now, just at the memory of it. after all, thanksgiving was hard enough. my family tried to make it easier, but the fact of the matter is that holidays in the hospital just plain suck. at the time, i thought i would wipe my memory of all things sterile and horrible about thanksgiving and christmas spent at aamc.

a funny thing happened today that reminded me of a wonderful gesture offered to me last year by fin and jon to improve my mental state. three familiar little christmas trees strung with bright white lights made an appearance. no matter that they were intended as lawn ornaments, given the stakes at their bases - they now sit shining in my dining room window (staked into the box they were sold in). these trees got me through some horrible nights at aamc. their peaceful glow would soothe me to sleep and take my mind off of the situation at hand. they were brought to me by fin and jon on one of the most difficult days there. i had just learned that i would be put on a pump to deliver contraction stopping medication on a continual basis. and in burst fin and jon arms overflowing with treats. this big white box gave way to these three little christmas trees strung with white shiny lights. a paper bag gave way to some of my cherished childhood christmas ornaments. and my family gave way to the most precious gift of all...love. on that day in aamc, they were brought out of the box, staked into the box, decorated and finally adorned with a beautiful white aamc sheet/tree skirt. the ornaments were hung with care by my own flesh and blood. the room lights were turned down, a drum roll was imitated and they were lit by my own husband. there were not unplugged until i was released from the hospital on this very day last year.

it is only fitting that one year later, they are again shining bright. the white lights that i cherished so much are again bringing me comfort. thank you jon and fin!