seven.

i can hardly believe that i am the mother of a 7 year old. yet its true, by a whole week! f. you make me so proud to be your mother. you have so many wonderful qualities. one of my favorite is that you are a wonderful and loving brother. i truly enjoy watching you play with your brothers and my heart aches, in a good way, when i see the pride you have in them.

after you were born your daddy and i thought you would be an only child. i am elated to have given you siblings. it seems you were born to be a big brother. last night when you were trying to negotiate sleeping in my room, i tried to convince you it was better to sleep in your room because you wouldnt be woken by your brothers early in the morning. apparently that was the wrong argument on my part because you told me that you just love it when your brothers wake you up, that it is just so cute when they wake you up. you are right you know, it is adorable how they look up to you and love to wake you up each morning.

school is out now, and i thought summer was going to be so difficult. i was worried about keeping you and your brothers entertained. so far so good. with your birthday parties behind us and playdates and vacation plans on the horizon i am no longer looking forward to the fall with a yearning like no other. i think you miss the challenges of school though. you did a fantastic job in the first grade. your math and reading skills are excellent. when tested the last few days of school your reading level far exceeded the benchmark for first graders. you are devouring chapter books in a sitting. your math skills continue to amaze me, and i hope you will keep enjoying it as much as you do now.

you are growing so tall and fill your days with rough and tumble boy games, punctuated by potty humor. you love seafood, with crab and shrimp topping your list of favorites. one of your favorites outings is to the dollar store and 7/11 with daddy, where the provisions include slurpees bigger than your head and a bag full of sugar laden candy. you are looking forward to our beach vacation next week and are still considering if you need a second fishing rod in order to be prepared. you have been sleeping in like a teenager on the few days that your brothers dont wake you up at the crack of dawn. you are becoming my go with the flow kid on more days than not. you still say some crazy things that make me wonder whose child you are. most days i just dont know how i got so lucky. i am filled with pride. i love you f.!!

play-by-play of a sleep study with a 3.5 year old

background: k. has himself some gigantic tonsils. so big in fact, his adenoids can not even be spotted. we believe this is causing sleep apnea and contributing to the mouth breathing that occurs almost all of the time. we saw an ear, nose and throat specialist earlier this month who agreed, it is probably sleep apnea. for a variety of reasons, he suggested a sleep study be done before surgery to remove the tonsils and likely the adenoids would occur. dr. ent said that it would be like a night in a hotel. my first thought was this man clearly does not have kids. so last night we embarked on the sleep study and i drew the short straw and got to accompany k. here is how it went down.

8:10PM arrive for 8:30 appointment time. those of you who know me well are not surprised i was 20 minutes early. but this time i really was afraid that k. would fall asleep before we got there on the car ride, thus the early arrival.

8:11 nurse candy comes to the door and lets us in. she immediately wins k.'s heart by picking him up and letting him touch the expensive artwork in the lobby.

8:14 k. finishes molesting the poor dolphin sculpture in the lobby and agrees to go see his bedroom for the night.

8:15 mommy fills out some paperwork while k. takes stock of the room

8:17 nurse candy begins to attach leads for sleep study. two giant stickers the size of his fist are applied to each leg with leads attached. two more are applied to his back, with leads attached. a velcro belt is put around his waist to keep the wires close to his body and avoid tangles. another velcro best is put around his chest for the same purpose. a large bright blue monitor is attached to the upper belt square in the middle of his chest.

8:45 k. announces he has to go potty. nurse candy grits her teeth smiles and collects all the cords and accompanies us to the potty.

8:55 k. is settled back into bed and nurse candy reattaches the leads on both legs and resumes attaching the remaining fourhundredthousandandthree leads. a lead is affixed to k.s adam's apple with paste and secured with tape and held in place for a few minutes.

8:58 k. begins to become skeptical about nurse candy.

8:59 nurse candy tries to win k.s favor back and begins attaching leads to k.s head. 10 leads are attached to k.s head with paste and tape, each one being held in place for a few minutes.

9:14 k. scoots back and 4 leads come loose.

9:23 nurse candy finishes re-securing loose leads and resumes process.

9:29 two leads are attached to k.s chin with paste and more tape. nurse candy asks k. if he wants to wear a mustache (4 inch by 1 inch thin plastic monitor with prongs that go up each nostril and one that hangs over the opening to the mouth).

9:36 k. agrees. the mustache monitor is affixed to his face with 14 pieces of tape.

9:40 nurse candy tells k. she only has one more monitor to attach and attempts 5 times, finally succeeding on the 6th try to get the pulseox monitor secured to his finger properly.

9:52 k. asks for a monitor to match on his other hand. nurse candy obliges with more tape.

9:55 nurse candy asks k. to settle in and go to sleep.

9:56 mommy begins to have NICU flashbacks.

9:57 k. announces he has to go potty. mommy does not oblige. visable wave of relief comes over nurse candy.

9:58 nurse candy adjusts lights, turns off tv and says good night and leaves the room.

9:59 nurse candy's voice comes over the monitor asking k. to do a series of simon says tricks to be sure everything is properly secured.

10:10 simon says is over and k. rests his head on pillow to sleep.

10:11 k. demands the tv be put back on and the cartoon he was promised be played.

10:14 mommy obliges.

10:15 k. stands up, twirls around, does a pirouette and rips off both finger monitors, the mustache, both chin leads, all 4 leg leads and about half of the head leads.

10:16 nurse candy's voice comes over monitor and yells at k. telling him he will need to lay down and go to sleep.

10:17 k. begins to cry.

10:18 mommy wants to cry, instead curses dr. no kids.

10:19 nurse candy returns to re-affix all the removes monitors, mustache and leads.

10:45 nurse candy finishes reattaching everything and begs k. to sleep. mommy promises donuts in the morning if k. goes to sleep.

10:46 k. gives up the fight and begins to softly snore. visable wave of relief comes over mommy.

10:47 mommy picks up her book and wonders who procured the cot she was invited to sleep on and considers giving them a piece of her mind.

11:15 mommy finishes her book and closes her eyes.

11:18 mommy falls asleep.

11:22 nurse candy returns to room for the first of what will become 6 times to reattach leads, monitors and the mustache.

11:24 mommy falls back asleep

12:01AM nurse candy returns

12:03 mommy falls back asleep.

1:16 nurse candy returns.

1:18 mommy falls back asleep.

2:38 nurse candy returns.

2:45 mommy falls asleep.

2:53 nurse candy returns.

3:00 mommy falls asleep.

4:20 nurse candy returns.

4:38 mommy falls back asleep.

4:56 nurse candy's way too cheery voice comes over the monitor announcing the sleep study is over and that we slept great. she also announces that she can see us. mommy notices camera pointing at us for the first time and refrains from offering forth the gesture she had in mind. mommy vaguely remembers signing paperwork authorizing filming of the sleep study.

4:58 nurse candy appears to remove all the monitors, mustache and leads. candy assures mommy that the paste will come out with shampoo and water.

5:05 k. announces that he is ready to go home. mommy obliges.

5:07 strapped into his car seat, k. announces he would now like is donut. mommy obliges.

5:24 k. and mommy arrive home with donuts in hand. k. announces he has to go potty.

5:25 potty duties finished, mommy decides to give k. a bath to get rid of all the paste.

5:40 still shampooing k.s hair to remove all the paste.

5:45 complete bath and settle k. down with a donut.

5:46 make triple espresso and hope that other children remain soundly asleep for long enough to enjoy coffee.

5:47 hear m. scream "mommy, your home!"

confession time

i hate that 90% of my facebook status these days are all about potty training. i am boring myself to tears. i am sure my "friends" have hidden me, uttering to themselves enough of the effing potty talk lady! trust me people, i am tired of it too! i confess, i am actually now doing on facebook what my husband, a non-facebook user, has been insisting all along that facebook is really all about, reporting on bowel movements. at least i am not tweeting from the bathroom, right?!

the good news is that today i was actually able to put clothes back on my children, below the waist. hallelujah!! did you see the parting the clouds just now? i am thinking that maybe by the weekend we might actually be able to venture out of the house. if only...

the other good news, for those of you following along, is my that feet have now been exfoliated nearly down to the bone and have remained sanitary today.

today

potty training sucks. i have pretty much been tied to the house for a solid week and am still cleaning crap off the floor. because it didnt suck enough, i got to clean it off of my foot as well, after having stepped squarely in a pile while backing up from cleaning up another nugget. yay me! note to self: stop feeding the kids food that, when digested, are the perfect camouflage for the carpet in the playroom. thank goodness my 6 year old is still full of clever remarks and witty sayings that bring a smile to my face. these days i need it!

today k. fell down and scraped his face pretty bad, as a result of having caught his face on the corner of a cabinet door he had left open. it was one of those events that freak you out, even if you are the most laid back, least helicopter style mom. the bloody scrape started on his eye lid and stretched clear down to his chin. when he started screaming, which was of course prefaced by that bone chilling silent scream just to let you know this one is serious, f. went running and hid on the other side of the room. i think he thought he was going to get blamed for the fall, which actually was not his fault. i scooped k. up and started to soothe him, while praying his eye was still in tact. if you know me well, you know that eyes totally gross me out. seeing one damaged on my own child would probably push me right over the edge. but i digress, in the end, his eye was fine. when the screaming abated to a dull whimper, m. came over and said "k. what happened to your face?" after i relayed what happened, m. leaned in and said "i love you k." and planted a kiss, square on the unharmed side of his face. i just eat up the twin love!

at this point f. must have figured he wasnt getting blamed for what had happened, or if he was he had better show himself and show some love to his brother. so f. comes over and says to k. "k., its an honor to have you in the v. family" who is this child?! i love that kid and can not believe he is going to be 7 and not 87 in a few weeks.

potty training twins

there are things that no one tells you about motherhood when you share the news that you are pregnant. one of them is that potty training an irrational human being can lead to excessive drinking on the adults part. certainly potty training two irrational humans simultaneously can lead to much worse.

over the course of the last 36 hours since i embarked on potty training my 3 year old twins i have been peed on, pooped on, watched one child do a crossleggedgottagogottagogottagorightnow dance for a good 40 minutes before finally agreeing to sit on the potty, witnessed another child pee down the side of the ottoman as if he were a dog - yes with leg lifted, cleaned up 4 dirty naptime/overnight diapers, cheered as one child finally pooped on the potty only to be deflated 10 minutes later when the same child pooped directly into his own hand, etc. the list goes on, but honestly i hate to be that mommy discussing her childrens bodily functions.

i will say this, i think its a good thing that no one told me about how horrible potty training can be to live through. had i known, i would probably be childless bathing poolside in the carribean right now. wait a minute...