yesterday was just one of those days. up, down, all around - the kind that has you wondering is this just life or am i freakin' bipolar?!? we didnt really have any plans, so we just sort of drifted around. it was maryland hot and humid, like disgustingly so. we went to the park, but even fin was too hot to play. so we walked down to the water and just sat and watched the boats. i love that i can do this in my own town. we saw a blue heron and some unidentified fish(?) in the water. fin was convinced it was two sharks - it still has me wondering. even though it was depressingly hot, we had fun together. max and keegan were little sleeping angels and it was a good outing.
when i got home i made some phone calls, checked email, just plain caught up. i was talking to a good friend, and it was soo nice to be asked how i was doing. not just the hey how are you - but the really, tell me how you are managing. you have been through a lot, how are you feeling i want to hear your answer kind of question. the thing is, i feel like i am a walking mixed review. some days i am feeling soo blessed to have such a full family. max and keegan really are great babies, they let me sleep, they entertain each other, they clearly love their big brother, and lets face it, they are cute (no bias here)! fin is growing up before my very eyes. he is so very expressive and communicative, which blows my mind at least once a day. the things he says crack me up (see fly on wall post). on the other hand, when i said to the pediatrician this week, that i ought to just move in, he agreed and says, so who are we seeing today! ok, i have been there way too much. being a mom of a preemie is hard work. max and keegan got accepted into the infant and toddlers program this week. its sort of a good news/bad news scenerio. its a great program, but their acceptance means they are delayed. in some areas, they are only performing like a 3 month old. i know in the long run everything will be ok, its just draining some days. and if keegan gets pink eye one more time, i am going to cry myself to sleep. so my response to my great friend was sort of a mixed bag - which she totally understood.
also, yesterday, i learned that a fellow mother of multiples, who recently delivered her twins at 26 weeks, lost one of her babies. my heart just aches for this woman i have not yet met. i cant help but think, that could of been me. i entered the hospital at 26 weeks and by the grace of god was able to hold on until 31 weeks. i cant imagine what this mom is going through. the nicu days are soo hard and i am crying just thinking about what she is facing. i pray that she has good support. her babies were born in the 1 lb range - just soo tiny. it takes me back to those raw days. i remember holding keegan the first time and the first thing he did was cry. and i thought, i am soo not ready for this. but the nurse was wonderful and knew what to do right away. and keegan snuggled in for his first kangaroo session and he was soo warm and soo tiny. he fit right on my chest and just loved me. it was beautiful. and i can just hope that this poor mom got to have at least one moment like that with her lost child. meanwhile, here i am complaining about pink eye.
then the phone rings, and it is the home health care nurse who visited us the first few weeks that max and keegan were home. i need help she said. i have a mother of multiples right now who is just lost. can you give me the number for the MOMs group, she asked. this is a great support group and i am feeling lucky to be a part of it.
anyway - enough brain dump. early this week, i was watching a show about a mother of quints and she said summed things up by saying that she would rather have her hands full than empty any day. what a beautiful response to the onlookers who tactlessly say, boy you sure do have your hands full. amen sister!
No comments:
Post a Comment