for posterity

i know its a bit outdated at this point, but i wanted to write a bit about halloween so that i can remember it all later.

this year we had cookie monster (m.), elmo (k.) and darth vadar (f.) for costumes. i had neglected to try on the little boys costumes before the big day, which resulted in a good 20 minutes spent convincing k. that a costume was customary if you are going to knock on someone's door and hollar trick or treat. or "ta ta" if you are k. but once he got outside and saw that the rest of the kids did in fact have costumes on, he was all good. all the neighbors on the cul de sac met outside for pizza and a birthday celebration for one of our neighbors. it was a lot of fun. we followed that by trick or treating of course! i was not sure what to expect from m&k, but they rocked trick or treating. after the first house they had the idea, and were off and running. we were hard pressed to keep up with them all night. often times they ran right by the homeowner, who was stationed at the driveway with a huge bowl of candy, to clamor up the front stairs and knock on the door. they loved every minute of it and had to be dragged home kicking and screaming after covering a buckets full worth of homes. when we finally came home, we were a bit wet (rain) and a bit worse for wear, but that didnt stop the kids from devouring a bunch of candy.

granny and pop joined us for the night, which is always fun and lets face it a bonus to have more adults than kids! when granny and pop were leaving we noticed that some neighbors were walking by with their child. we have a particular affection for these neighbors because their son shares the name of f (full name and nickname). they are a cute family. even cuter on halloween. mom was dressed as a chicken, the baby an egg and dad a farmer wearing a sign that read "which came first?" f. got one look at them and after giggling says to the mom, "hey lady, what did you lose a bet?" fortunately she was good natured about it and laughed as hard as the rest of us. we had a great halloween and i look forward to many more in this great new neighborhood!

november is prematurity awareness month

Even if you do everything right, you can still have preterm labor. Preterm labor is a serious problem occurring before 37 weeks of pregnancy. This is too early, and your baby could be born too soon. Call your health care provider right away if you have any of these warning signs.

Warning Signs:

• Contractions (your abdomen tightens like a fist) every 10 minutes or more often
• Change in vaginal discharge (leaking fluid or bleeding from your vagina)
• Pelvic pressure—the feeling that the baby is pushing down• Low, dull backache
• Cramps that feel like your period
• Abdominal cramps with or without diarrhea
  

What Your Health Care Provider Might Tell You:

• Come into the office or go to the hospital right away.
• Stop what you were doing.
• Rest on your left side for one hour.
• Drink two to three glasses of water or juice (not coffee or soda).

Take Care of Yourself and Your Baby:

• Get regular prenatal checkups.
• Try to avoid stress. Ask family and friends for help.
• Don’t drink alcohol, smoke or take street drugs.
• If you feel burning or pain when you go to the bathroom, you may have an infection. Call your health care provider.

For more information, visit the march of dimes website.

3 years in the making

3 years ago today i went to see the high risk doctor excited to see my little boys swimming around on an ultrasound. little did i know that i would end up in the hospital in a matter of minutes, admitted for the next 5 weeks until those boys were born. things became a lot less carefree that day. suddenly it was a tenuous pregnacy and i was robbed of the joyousness.

9 weeks before their due date, m&k made an entrance and made the bedrest days seem like a walk in the park. ever since then my vocabulary seemed to be taken over by words like NICU, infection, transfusion, busy, whirlwind, crazy, therapy, delay, guilt, and can't.

i feel like i am just now coming up for a breath. i have finally started to gain some distance from the bedrest days and NICU hell. i am gaining confidence as a mother of 3 very active boys, two of whom are the same age. i have started to take on things like getting haircuts for all three boys on my own and visits to pumpkin patches with all three on my own. things are starting to fall in place, like preschool for m&k which will start in january - 5 DAYS A WEEK. its taken awhile, but i am finally starting to breathe again. 3 years in the making.

guilt, its whats for dinner

MIL is in the hospital. i am sad to say that my first thought was please do not let this ruin our trip to dis.ney. followed immediately by guilt. how do we learn guilt? how do you find the balance between living and harboring guilt? am i an evil biatch for wanting to experience dis.ney with my kids without a dark cloud following us around, or worse not being able to go at all because of untimely events? guilt, its whats for dinner.

vist to the (s)inlaws

today we made the journey to pennsylvania to celebrate j.'s birthday with his parents. this is how it went:

8am
wake up in own bed and moan when i remember the plans for the day. roll over, try to ignore the fact that j. wanted to be on the road by 9am and all the boys including j. are still snoring.

8:30
succumb to the guilt and prod jon, telling him we should get up if he wants to get on the road at a decent hour. lodge my first official complaint about the days plans, by saying something clever like "this day is going to suck!"

8:45
get out of bed after j. discovered that one of the children, who i suppose shall remain nameless, created a mural on his wall with a self-produced medium. grumble about how this is probably an omen for the day.

9
get the kids in clean clothes and pack diapers, food, treats and spare clothes for the day for the day. feed everyone breakfast, fold load of laundry, start new load of laundry, try to think of what else i can possibly do before having to leave for the day. come up empty.

9:46
dose f. up with dramamine hoping this will be exactly what he needs to avoid getting carsick.

9:47
head back upstairs for a shower.

9:52
start getting rushed out the door by jon, who has now decided we will absolutely be on the road no later than 10am.

10
make 3 trips back inside from driveway retrieving forgotten items.

10:05
exit driveway.

10:05.10
ask if jon packed f.'s book on tape, learn he did not, and make another return trip, this time from the top of the street.

10:09
make first stop for gas, atm and breakfast for adults.

10:27
actually get on the road.

11:49
call in-laws and let them know we are going to be late.

1pm
finally arrive, marvel at how well dramamine worked and wonder why no one suggested this earlier to us! let kids run around yard, even though its wet and muddy hoping to avoid entering the house of tchotchkes.

1:06
agree it is raining and take the party inside. pick up m. who is immediately assaulted by one of the three ugliest cats on the planet and try to soothe him and explain that its not in fact a monster, its just a cat.

1:15
sit down to lunch, continue to soothe max who will not release himself from my person.

1:27
finish lunch and take the kids down to the "play area" otherwise known as a 3x5 latchhook rug that is surrounded by a fireplace on one side, a console tv on another and 1,001 tchotchkes on the other. begin to move breakable things out of reach while simultaneously trying to contain unused toys that are tripping my children all jammed onto a 3x5 area rug.

1:29
agree that FIL looks tired and encourage him to go take a nap. envy FIL for being able to escape the chaos.

1:30
return to corralling kids, toys and tchotchkes.

3:15
give up and put in a movie for kids, hoping they will settle down for a bit.

3:17
try to explain the plot to "finding nemo" to my MIL, for the third time.

3:45
take the kids outside again, deciding that they need to run around abit.

3:52
come back inside because it started raining again.

3:53
give kids a bath, for no other reason other than to pass time, and let them play in a spot that is bigger than the effing latchhook rug. say thanks but no thanks to the rubber ducky that MIL offers because the bottom is literally black from what i can only assume is mold.

4:30
agree that kids are pruny enough and get them out of the tub.

4:31
get kids dressed, clean up mess in bathroom, send kids back to latchhook rug.

4:32
return to corralling kids, toys and tchotchkes.

4:33
start to answer questions about when dinner will be ready.

4:43
notice that the ceiling in play area is actually riddled with mold and realize that is probably why my throat is becoming sore and my head is aching.

4:44
continue corralling kids, toys and tchotchkes while answering questions about when dinner will be ready.

5:30
sneak f. into kitchen for a snack.

6:13
finally get the kids to the table for dinner.

6:17
break out coloring books in attempt to keep kids at dinner table.

6:18
excuse f. from dinner table.

6:19
get up from table for the 15th time to corrall little boys back into their seats.

6:21
give up and take little boys down to watch cartoon.

6:45
start giving j. dirty looks and begin begging to go home.

6:47
sing happy birthday to j. and marvel at the fact that even though he is holding two two year olds his mother still expects him to cut the cake with a carving knife that is 15 inches long.

6:48
begin to think of other uses for the 15 inch blade.

6:49
try to taste cake while silmutaneously keeping 3 exhausted kids at the table.

7:02
finally say outloud in front of in-laws that i think the boys have reached their breaking point.

7:08
strap boys into their carseats and start to feel the tension fall away from my shoulders.

7:10
make final sweep of house of tchotchkes and make mad dash for minivan.

7:18
make jon stop to get us drinks because everyone's throat is burning from the mold exposure. rename the "house of tchotchkes" the "moldy house of tchotchkes".

9:49
finally arrive home and settle boys into bed.

10:02
visit the bathroom for the first of what will become 18 times overnight and realize that in-laws have undoubtedly decided to poison me.

what's good enough for the first family

f. is growing up before my eyes. there are days when i look at him and barely recognize the little snuggle bug who would eagerly barrel down the hall of the hospital to see me while i was there on bedrest. he would heave himself up into my bed and snuggle in for a cartoon. i frequently wonder how much of that experience, my absence, has shaped the child he is today. it just seems like the sweetness has slipped away all too soon. since he is the oldest, i dont have another child to compare. is this the normal progression of growing up? is first grade the age when it becomes the norm to shun a kiss good-bye from your mom at the bus stop? until today, i had been relegated to fist bumps in public, and only allowed kisses at home. i guess i was caught up in being soo proud that he was no longer clinging to my side to have really digested the fact that i miss those good-bye kisses, even if they were sometimes stolen. i guess i felt like if it was good enough for the first family, it was good enough for us. i guess i felt like i could still sneak in those kisses at home.

then it happened. today my good morning kiss was shunned, instead a fist was offered to bump. my heart broke a little...already?! this afternoon upon wrapping up a trying homework session, i leaned over for another kiss. i really just wanted him to know how much i love him. again, up came the fist for an offer of bumping. did you hear that? my heart is breaking a bit more. so i asked, "bud, whats the problem with giving mommy a kiss when we are at home and no one can see it?" he replied, "mom, i just think that is soo old school!" and there you have it.

overheard in my house recently

during a discussion about college and his plans to attend

f: daddy, i dont think i want to go to the naval academy.
j: thats fine bud. but college is important and when the time comes you will choose a good one i am sure.
f: you and mommy went to college together right?
j: yup.
f: daddy, i dont think mommy knew you were a moron when she met you in college.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

while playing the "who else" game

me: who am i?
m: mama
me: who is that?
m: keegie
me: how about him?
m: finnie
me: who is that?
m: daddy
me: who else is in our family?
m: granny and pop
me: who else?
m: nando, how about nando?
me: yes, nando. how about mommom (MIL) and grumpy (FIL)?
m: who???
me: exactly

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

while all three boys are in the bathtub

m: wee, i getting all queen!
f: gross, m. i can see your booty.
f: m. show some manners would ya?


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

long awaited momentous occasion follows

me: here you go keegs, here is your banana.
k: thank you mama!
me: (quietly crying)