1st day of school

yesterday was the 1st day of school for f. 1st grade, when did that happen?! he is really growing up. at the bus stop he was super excited to see his friends. there were absolutely no nerves, on his part. when the bus pulled up he nonchalantly said goodbye to me, and allowed me to kiss him on the top of his head. it seems like just moments ago that i was snuggling with my newborn f. and waxing poetic about how his head felt like cashmere. yesterday was a good day. i am one proud mama.

"I OK"

where did the summer go? does anyone know? seems like just yesterday we attended f's last day of school and took the boys for haircuts to celebrate. it wasnt long after that when camp started, and somewhere in the midst of the drama i lost track of summer. school starts on monday for f. and i am feeling like the days just slipped right through my hands like. we did plenty; went to a baysox game, road the rails in strasburg, enjoyed dutch wonderland, had great friends visit, had plenty of cookouts, went to the water park, and all the things you are supposed to do during summer.

still i have been feeling like we wasted the summer and was looking forward to making the most of the last few days of it. then last week i caught a terrible virus. i have never been soo sick in all my life. it was awful. then each day after that another family member woke up with the same thing. i felt horrible for spreading the germs and mostly just spent a week laying around in between cleaning up vomit or digusting diapers or both. it was not the staycation i imagined. it was not making the most of the last few days of summer. then just when everyone was feeling better and normalcy resumed, i was stricken. again. this time i ended up in the ER and was discharged with a probable diagnosis of salmonella and a heavy dose of cipro to kill what ails. its been a terrible two weeks.

all the while though, k. has been chugging along and has had a language explosion. he is seeing a private therapist now, still attending ITP playgroup and still has his ITP therapist visit us at home weekly. finally its paying off. it is soo exciting to finally see this happen. earlier this summer i was soo sad for him and feeling his frustration and frankly some of my own as he was rated to have the expressive language skills of a child half his age. today on the way to naptime k. tripped and fell over. i scooped him up and asked him if he was OK. he replied "I OK" and thats when i knew it, he is going to be OK. maybe the summer wasnt a waste after all. maybe the good things are what happen when life is just coasting and dealing you a bad hand. "I OK" too. we are all going to be OK!

bday candle

this year when i broke the candle out, two months late, f. says "awe, mom, i hate that thing!" i told him that i said the same thing to my mom each year, but when i turned 21 and had a picture of myself next to it from each year i really appreciated it. i am so glad he is still appeasing me and taking such cute pictures with it.

overheard in my house recently

f: have a good day dad, i hope you feel better.
j (on his way out the door): thanks bud, you have a good day too.
f: mommy, what's wrong with daddy?
me: he has a man cold.
f: what kind of cold?
me: a man cold.
f (uproarious laughter): thats the funniest thing i ever heard.
me: me too bud.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

recently f. has been shaking me down when i ask him for help. some days it is easier to cough up a quarter then to fight the battle.

f: i got my shoes, i am ready to go mommy. now, where's my quarter?
me: if you are going to talk to me like that, i doubt you are going to get a quarter.
f: oh. where's my quarter nicest mommy in the whole world?
me: that's better.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

f: why do i have to stay in my room all night long?!
me: mommy is having a meeting tonight with her mothers of multiples group.
f: hey dad, lets have a music party all night long tomorrow. the number one rule, no girls allowed.
j: sounds like a plan.
me: sounds like a good night for a girls night out.
j: wait a minute...

bullies

kids can be mean creatures. maybe in suburban maryland, after a young boy was brutally beaten to death in broad daylight, we are more in tune to it than some other places. maybe not. i suppose bullies exist in all part of the world. i wish they didnt have to exist in summer camp. f. has been having a bit of a rough time this summer at the camp we selected. [insert guilty mom themes here]

so i am opening it up to you internets, what do you do when your child is bullied? a completely unscientific poll as of yet has revealed that anyone with a Y chromosome says tell him to beat the crap out of the kid and it will be over. those lacking the Y choromosome tend to offer sympathy and advice leaning more towards taking it up with the authorities. at this point we are taking a mini break from camp and reassessing on monday. yesterday the low point of my day was listening to my child recount the story where a third party was sent to "karate chop" him because he asked for his pokemon card back, because the kid he had given it to didnt have a card to trade. the y chromosome advice is sounding pretty good...

over dinner

f: mom, am i adorable?
me: yes
f: oh man!!
me: why, who asked you that?
f: you dont need to know that!
me: was it a teacher (at camp)?
f: no.
me: how old was she?
f: i dont know, but she is in 5th grade.
me: oh, is she pretty?
f: yeah, i guess.
me: are you going to make her your girlfriend?
f: no.
me: why not?
f: i am just not up to it.
me: up to what?
f: having girlfriends.
me: oh, when do you think you will be up to having girlfriends?
f: i dont know mom, for now i just want to have pals. after i have pals, then i guess i will have girlfriends. can i have some more syrup?

bad mom

when i learned i was pregnant with twins, i had little idea about the impact the pregnancy itself would have on my unborn children. the human body is not meant to grow more than one baby at a time, yet somehow it stretches and make accommodations for all those little arms and legs and fingers and toes, and in the case of my children - big heads. since i was having a relatively easy pregnancy i think i was a bit shocked when i went for my 25 week check up to learn that i was already measuring full term. so to my body, it was like i was already carrying a full term singleton. it should have come as no surprise when less than a week later i landed in the hospital because my body was beginning to prepare for the delivery. the fact that i made it 5 weeks beyond that is an accomplishment that took a lot of hard work and dedication and lots of medicine. unless you have spent 5 weeks on bedrest, you cant really understand just how taxing that can be, physically and emotionally. people who havent been in that position think its like a vacation. i am telling you - its not. it was life altering.

while i knew the pregnancy had already been categorized as "high risk," i dont think i fully realized everything that would come to mean. what exactly would my children face because they were born 9 weeks early? how long would they be faced with those consequences? not being able to breath on their own. blood transfusions. head ultrasounds. infections. repeated hospitalizations. developmental delays. endless doctors appointments. evaluations. weekly therapy. at nearly 31 months out i still can not answer that question. they are still facing those consequences. and that just sucks.

today i visited with the boys speech therapist to go over the results of their most recent evaluation. seeing in writing that your 30 month old child has the expressive language skills of a child 14 months old is difficult. i know we are doing all the right things. i know we are soo lucky to have these resources available to us. i know that he is a happy and well adjusted child. i know all of the things that are supposed to make me feel better. but somehow today i still feel like a bad mom.