capturing time

the weeks just seem to be blowing right by me in a blur. i often find myself in a moment with my boys that i just know that i want to blog about, so it must be time for another "capturing time" post.

k.
you are really walking your own course when it comes to the whole speech thing. your vocabulary has absolutely increased; gone are the days when "mama" and "milk" where your mainstays. unfortunately, we still have a *very* hard time deciphering most of what you say. i know this frustrates you to no end. i am sad to see that you are starting to communicate through pointing again when you get really frustrated. some days it is like we speak entirely different languages. i am frustrated too bud, hang in there with me! i promise you, it wont always be like this. you will be in ECI again next year, and during the summer break we are going to get you back in private therapy. i am still holding out hope that by kindergarten you will be in great shape.

you are still wearing the baseball cap you put on sometime in october and only take it off for baths and school (because they make you take it off at school and you are a rule follower). the hat has gotten quite worn on the brim and i am not really sure what we will do when it falls apart completely. i am pretty sure we will have to cross that bridge before the summer is out though.

you taught yourself how to ride your big brothers scooter this week. you rejoice in the freedom it allows you. unfortunately the scooter is no longer equipped with a brake, so you end each run in a curb. but then you get up and giggle and get right back on and head to the next curb.

you love your 3 stuffed puppies, the twin pups and chocolate puppy, almost as much as you love mommy and daddy. you take chocolate puppy everywhere and sleep with all three during naps and overnight. about a week ago you insisted on putting a moses basket into your bed for the twin puppies to sleep in along side you. you share your blanket with them and make mommy and daddy kiss them goodnight before you will go to sleep each night. you warm my heart daily.

m.
you are 3. 3 is a difficult age apparently because you throw yourself down on the floor and have a full blown kicking and screaming tantrum about once every hour, if not more. you wail this completely phony "ooohhhoo" cry as you are kicking on the floor. it makes me giggle. you, not soo much.

you are talking a mile a minute. some of your favorite things to talk about are food, the daily schedule, food, school, food, the school bus, food, etc.

you continue to be impulsive and live life to the extreme. fortunately our visits to the doctor and ER have lessened to the point where they may no longer be able to pick us out of a lineup. this is not to say that your knobby little knees are not full of bumps and scrapes, because they are. this week you got what was essentially a paper cut on your finger. you walked around all day holding that finger (covered in a monkey bandaid) upright and above your head, claiming you couldnt do the task at hand because you had a boo-boo. you were sad to learn that you, and your boo-boo, would in fact be going to school that day.

several times a week you will run up to me, throw yourself at me full force and scream "i love you mommy" - this totally melts my heart, each and every time.

f.
my big boy! every time someone sees you lately they are commenting on how you have shot up. i guess because i see you every day its harder for me to notice. or maybe i have my head in the sand. but they are right, you are becoming such a big kid!

you have a zest for reading, which i LOVE to see. you are deep into chapter books and are reading 2-3 books a week! the diary of a wimpy kid series is your new favorite. i am soo thrilled that you enjoy reading and hope you will cultivate that interest for the rest of your life.

when you are not reading, you are doling out math problems to mommy and daddy like they are candy on halloween. neither of us really know where this deep seeded interest in numbers came from. even though i know your math skills are going to far surpass mine, probably sometime next week, i do hope you will continue to develop this skill as well. just dont expect me to help you with square route problems, which you are convinced you will be learning next year.

your sense of humor is still a joy to witness. although these days there is a load of potty humor mixed in, i still see your sense of quick wit and often find myself laughing out loud at the things you say. i love you bud!

bloggity blog

i have been busy writing away over here for a bit now, come join me. dont worry, i have not given up on the tales of the short people in my life. i have just been concentrating on myself for a bit. i do have some posts stirring about in my head about family life, but have decided to wait until after this weekend when we handle the ashes of my MIL. thats bound to be good for a post, right?!

playground etiquette

we were having such a nice afternoon today, lunch at whole foods with m&k and granny, a tour of a possible neighborhood nearby for granny and pop to live in and a quick trip to a playground to let the boys run off some energy. that is, right up until two boys, about 4 years old, (who were already at the playground when we arrived) had some obvious issues with sharing. so that brings me to ask, how do you handle it at a public playground when other children are not playing nice.

these boys were complaining that they didnt want to share the playground equipment with my children. there were two big play structures, so to avoid a conflict we moved the boys to the other play structure. then the boys came over and said they couldnt play there either. so i replied something like, the playground equipment is for everyone and we were going to share today. the boys continued to complain, all while their mothers sat by idly chatting with one another. we continued to play for another few minutes, enduring the complaining and aggressive behavior of these boys without saying anything other than we were going to share, the equipment was for everyone.

and then it happened... k was attempting to climb a chain ladder and the boys were waiting at the top telling him he couldnt come up. i was standing close by because it was a pretty high climb, and frankly i didnt trust the boys on the top. then the boys, both of them, proceeded to spit on k. i yelled loud enough for their mothers to hear, "NO, do not spit on him!" finally the mothers got up and investigated. i overheard one of them scold the boys and tell him to apologize. she did walk him over to apologize, which he half-heartedly did. the other mother went to her car to get something and seemed unconcerned at all about the events occuring. the mother who did get involved did not make eye contact or say anything to me at all. i know in her position i would have been mortified, and probably would have said as much as i over-apologized for the disgusting behavior. i was pretty shocked that she said nothing at all to me. we left about two minutes later, because it was clear the boys were going to continue being bullies and the mother was not interested. what would you have done??

last night i fell in love

i remember the summer between senior year of high school and starting college fondly. looking back, one of the best parts of that summer is that i met one of my best friends. somehow the UofD just knew to put us together as freshman roommates, and we have been fast friends ever since. we laugh together, cry together and sometimes laugh so hard we start to cry. all good qualities in a best friend if you ask me. she later became my maid of honor and then she and her husband became the godparents of my first born. she is a great mom and wonderful friend and happens to have fantastic taste in music. throughout our friendship she has happily influenced my musical taste and that is one of the things i miss most about no longer sharing a house with her. about a year ago she introduced me to the old 97s and rhett miller. it was easily a crush at first listen.

a couple of months ago i got an email from my bestie saying that rhett miller was coming to play at a nearby club. i was instructed to attend the show in the email, immediately i replied and said that they needed to come down from ithaca and join us. moments later phone calls were made, tickets were purchased, babysitters were secured and an adult evening was planned. i was overjoyed as i waited for last night to arrive.

the venue is a small and intimate setting. we had pretty decent seats for what ended up being a sold out show. although the opening band was lackluster and very repetative, there was still a buzz in the air. the opening band announced they would play just two more songs before rhett came out and the audience began to sit a little taller in anticipation. when rhett came out on stage it wasnt long before i leaned over and whispered in the ear of my bestie that i had falled in love. the whole show was awesome - he is an amazing guitarist, wonderful songwriter, very funny and good looking to boot. i just about died and went to heaven when i got to meet him after the show and have him sign my newly purchased firefly shirt. when i recovered from getting my picture taking with a rock star and collected myself i realized he signed my shirt with a heart and i fell even harder. see for yourself...

4 months later

herein lies the post where i confess that i suck as a mom. nearly 4 months ago my baby boys turned 3. we did celebrate, fun was had, pictures were taken. HOWEVER, since then, the birthday candle has sat unlit in my dining room. at first i was waiting for m.'s black eye to go away. then i was waiting for the giant goose egg on m.'s head to go away. then i was waiting for m.'s new black eye to go away. then the snow came and we did nothing for weeks while we were trapped inside. then i was waiting for k. to grow out of wearing his wearing his baseball cap all hours of the day and night phase to end. eventually i realized that it was probably best to go ahead and capture the black eye phase and the hat wearing phase. and wouldnt you know it, my children are nearly 3 and a half! but nonetheless, sucky mom or not, here are a few of the birthday candle pics...

still here

i am still here. i just have not had much to say lately, or have been too busy, or insert your own random excuse here. we have been busy, enough said. soo much has happened since i last wrote.

j's mom passed away, we attended the funeral and still have the ashes to spread-which happens in early may. j and his dad seem to be getting much closer. i am happy for him that this is the silver lining of the situation.

the boys have been doing well. a little ear infection and strep throat here and there, but for the most part smooth sailing. f. has been doing great in school. he complains of being bored there, so we are working on that. he continues to add amusement to our days. m. is still as impulsive as ever. we find him to be such a challenge some days, but almost always cute as a button. during a moment of silence during the funeral he looked up at j. and said at top volume "i love you daddy!" not only was it what j needed to hear right then, but i think it was enjoyed by the entire congregation. k. continues to make slow and steady progress with speech. his vocabulary is finally expanding, though we still struggle to understand much of what he says. we actually met with the little boys teacher on friday and it looks like they will both be in ECI again next year. i really feel they both still need it, so its reassuring to know we are all on the same page.

i have been happily plugging along as well. i started weight watchers in january and have lost 17 lbs so far. i have a long way to go, but i am actually pretty proud of my efforts to date. thats it for now, i will try to post more often.

catharsis

i have been spending a lot of time this week wondering why some people know how to love and some dont have a clue. is it because i was raised with two loving parents who were often telling me they loved me and not afraid of showing physical affection for me? is it because we are all born already knowing how to love and for some people that knowledge gets lost somewhere along the way? i dont know the answer, but i do know this i am eternally grateful that i fall into the category of those who do know how to love.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

j.'s mother is dying of cancer. its a cruel disease. i spent the better part of my week, helping her to the commode,, giving her medication, lifting her up and helping her get comfortable, cleaning her diapers, catching her bile in a basin as it flowed uncontrollably from her mouth, trying to soothe her spirit and soul all while trying to comfort her children who have spent a lifetime wondering why they often question the love their mother has for them. it was probably one of the most painful weeks of my life. i found myself encouraging her to apologize to her children for her choices that left them feeling unloved. i found myself teaching her how to apologize, telling her how a mother just plain makes sacrifices for their children, begging her not to love her children with condition, and finally telling her just to let go. later, alone with my thoughts i found myself overcome with emotion and i cried until i couldnt catch my breath. once i calmed down i realized that in being there for j. and l., i had said everything that i needed j's mom to know. it no longer mattered if she was a mother that didnt know how to love. it no longer mattered that she admittedly loved her children with condition. for her the end is very near, the damage has been done. but in standing up for her children, and in turn myself, everything that had been plaguing all of us was out in the open. i now truly know what a catharsis is. i said everything i needed to say, i cried all the tears i need to cry, and i am at peace.