october 15th is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. at 7pm tonight there will be a wave of light to commemorate the day.
when m. and k. were in the nicu i developed sort of a routine. i would get up in the morning, after a night of fitful sleep and pumping every 3 hours all night long, exhausted. exhausted! i would ready f. for the school day and we would get in the car with my mom (before i was released to drive). my mom would drop me at the hospital before taking f. to school for me. i would go into the restroom alone and bawl my eyes out for a good 15 minutes. each. and. every. time. i needed that release and needed to steel myself for whatever faced me beyond those locked doors of the nicu. so many things go on behind those doors. babies fight for their lives each and every moment. crossover the threshold and it is not long before you hear an alarm going off indicating that fight and in some cases the end of a long and tortured battle. i remind myself often how lucky we were to go home with two live babies. so many mothers are not that lucky. tonight at 7pm i will be honoring them and their lost angels.
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