Wednesday, September 12, 2007
the griswalds part 2
i wish i were kidding! we were on our way to the aquarium in an effort to have a normal vacation day - you know act like tourists and actually enjoy a day. so there we are headed up highway 12 and suddenly we hear a huge smashing sound. the car carrier on top of the car ripped off and smashed through the back windshield. at least no one was hurt. one day i will laugh about all of this - not yet though. see my car, admire the lovely plastic rear window...
Monday, September 10, 2007
the griswalds
ok, so far vacation has been feeling a bit too much like we should legally change our last name to griswald! remember the antics of the national lampoon's "vacation"? so far, we have survived both a tropical storm and being held captive by the elevator in our house! chevy chase has nothing on us. the winds were so high that the last two nights we have been lulled to sleep by a rocking house. jon and i actually chose a new bedroom last night because the rocking was making for a difficult sleep. and then this afternoon we returned from the seafood market and decided to take the elevator up to the 4th floor of the house we rented. jon, fin, max and keegan and i all pile on the elevator. my mom had the good sense to take the stairs. we close the door, press the button and nothing - we dont move an inch. so after trying several desperate combinations of pushing buttons and pulling on the doors to free ourselves we decide to yell for my mom. ok, so i decided to yell. i didnt want to scare the boys, but i was freaked out, starting to feel claustrophobic and hot all at once. so my mom tries to open the door from the outside, nothing. so she tries to call the emergency number of the rental agency and gets the answering machine - ACK! finally, jon decided to break the door down. see...
despite all of this, we are actually having a great time! it is so nice to finally be taking a vacation.
despite all of this, we are actually having a great time! it is so nice to finally be taking a vacation.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
happy 9 month birthday
max and keegan - happy 9 months!
keegan - you just want to be standing while i hold you or hugging me *all the time*. you are eating fun things like sweet potato puffs and starting to learn to use a sippy cup. you continue to squeal in delight like a teradactyl. your legs are so chubby, that most pants are not comfortable for you. you are even wearing shorts that fin wore last summer (and possibly even this spring)!! you still love the jumperoo and sleep like a champ at night. your laugh is contagious and your smile melts my heart.
max - you are days away from crawling. even the physical therapist says it wont be long now. you are all over the place. up on all fours rocking away and launching yourself forward. on the occasions that doesnt work for you, rolling gets you to your destination. you are not a big eater. you raspberry most vegetables all over yourself and mommy. anything not pureed makes you gag. you try to avoid naps at all cost, but a car ride will put you out in 2.2 seconds. you are very serious most times, just taking everything in. but you can giggle with the best of them too.
these past 9 months have been hard and wonderful all at once. i love you both!
keegan - you just want to be standing while i hold you or hugging me *all the time*. you are eating fun things like sweet potato puffs and starting to learn to use a sippy cup. you continue to squeal in delight like a teradactyl. your legs are so chubby, that most pants are not comfortable for you. you are even wearing shorts that fin wore last summer (and possibly even this spring)!! you still love the jumperoo and sleep like a champ at night. your laugh is contagious and your smile melts my heart.
max - you are days away from crawling. even the physical therapist says it wont be long now. you are all over the place. up on all fours rocking away and launching yourself forward. on the occasions that doesnt work for you, rolling gets you to your destination. you are not a big eater. you raspberry most vegetables all over yourself and mommy. anything not pureed makes you gag. you try to avoid naps at all cost, but a car ride will put you out in 2.2 seconds. you are very serious most times, just taking everything in. but you can giggle with the best of them too.
these past 9 months have been hard and wonderful all at once. i love you both!
Monday, September 3, 2007
come on saturday
summer is coming to an end and we are really feeling the stress of the last several months. jon has been crazy stressed out at work; the worst agency in the federal govt (no joke!). i am beginning to feel the effects of everything i lived through with the pregnancy and the nicu. it is crazy how things hit you. dizzying really. i have been reading this blog of another mom who lived through the nicu experience. she is an amazing writer, and although she has been through much more of an ordeal than us, i still feel her pain - and by the way my own. beyond the scar on max's feet from the IVs i can feel my own scars beginning to become one with me. they are not visible to anyone but me, yet they are there - emotional scars.
if i allow myself to slow down enough to process everything we have been through i fear i will fall apart at the seams. i spent so much time focused on fin while i was on bedrest and i am realizing now that is was because i was afraid to attach myself to those sweet little boys growing in my belly. that first night in the hospital a nicu nurse relayed these horrible, wretched statistics to us. chance of survival of a 26 weeker so low i was afraid to fall in love. self defense. and now i am starting to feel angry, robbed really, of everything that was supposed to happen. pregnancy is supposed to make you glow, not cower from your own natural instincts to love. but how could i fall so hard for these little guys who just might not make it? and how do those mom's manage who do lose their own flesh and blood? i can't even begin to fathom it. but anger is still rearing its ugly head. i am saddened that those little boys missed out on any part of me.
motherhood is hard work. the hardest job i have ever had. the constant second guessing, always wondering am i enough for 3? could i have done better? will they grow up to be better than i am? yet i wouldnt trade it for anything. i do love those little boys that swam in my belly for 5 more weeks until they could hold their collective breaths no longer. deep down i hope they will always know i loved them then too, i was just afraid to say it out loud.
saturday we leave for a long overdue vacation. rejuvenation i am hoping, remediation too!
if i allow myself to slow down enough to process everything we have been through i fear i will fall apart at the seams. i spent so much time focused on fin while i was on bedrest and i am realizing now that is was because i was afraid to attach myself to those sweet little boys growing in my belly. that first night in the hospital a nicu nurse relayed these horrible, wretched statistics to us. chance of survival of a 26 weeker so low i was afraid to fall in love. self defense. and now i am starting to feel angry, robbed really, of everything that was supposed to happen. pregnancy is supposed to make you glow, not cower from your own natural instincts to love. but how could i fall so hard for these little guys who just might not make it? and how do those mom's manage who do lose their own flesh and blood? i can't even begin to fathom it. but anger is still rearing its ugly head. i am saddened that those little boys missed out on any part of me.
motherhood is hard work. the hardest job i have ever had. the constant second guessing, always wondering am i enough for 3? could i have done better? will they grow up to be better than i am? yet i wouldnt trade it for anything. i do love those little boys that swam in my belly for 5 more weeks until they could hold their collective breaths no longer. deep down i hope they will always know i loved them then too, i was just afraid to say it out loud.
saturday we leave for a long overdue vacation. rejuvenation i am hoping, remediation too!
Friday, August 31, 2007
staggered start
fin started school yesterday! as a bus rider!! i can't believe my baby is ready to ride the bus, he is barely big enough to carry a backpack.
it was not the smoothest of first days of school. the bus stop is at the top of our street. he was to board the bus at 8:37am. eagerly, we packed max and keegan in the stroller and walked up the street at 8:15am and began to wait for the bus. and wait, and wait and wait. the county now has what they call a staggered start. so fin and 5 of his 20 classmates attended class yesterday, but dont attend again until next thursday when all the children collectively have their second day. i imagine this is confusing for the bus drivers, because the bus never appeared. so at 9:05 another mom eagerly waiting called the school. we were instructed to drive our children in. so, with max and keegan in tow, we ran down the street, stuffed everyone in the minivan and made our way to the school. thankfully there were teachers outside to meet the car riders. they knew about the delayed bus already, met fin at the car and walked him to the spot where his classmates were awaiting his arrival. he was so wrapped up in telling the teacher his bus driver forgot to pick him up that he didnt even say goodbye to me. not exactly the teary eyed first day i had anticipated (even if the tears were to be mine alone). on my way home, i did pass by fins bus, which still had 5 stops to make and would surely be at least 20 minutes late and we were 15 minutes late ourselves.
so after a morning with quality max and keegan time i was prepared to pick fin up at the bus stop. i thought surely the afternoon pickup would go smoothly, after the mornings chaos. how silly of me. school ends at 11:55. max and keegan were totally off schedule after the mixed up morning, so they were passed out cold by 11:40. so i called a neighbor to sit with them while i walked up to meet the bus. i left my house at 12, figuring the 2 minute walk to the top of the street would be sufficient. after a good deal of waiting, a neighbor passed by and told me it was 12:20. hmm. about 5 minutes later, fin arrived, his bus headed in the wrong direction. and then the bus driver proceeded to yell at me to be on time to meet my child. apparantly, i need to be on time, but they dont. considering the school doesnt post a scheduled drop off time for the buses i am not sure how i am supposed to know what on time really means. at any rate, i guess we will figure it out as this staggered approach eventually smooths itself out.
here is is, the big pre-k bus rider...
it was not the smoothest of first days of school. the bus stop is at the top of our street. he was to board the bus at 8:37am. eagerly, we packed max and keegan in the stroller and walked up the street at 8:15am and began to wait for the bus. and wait, and wait and wait. the county now has what they call a staggered start. so fin and 5 of his 20 classmates attended class yesterday, but dont attend again until next thursday when all the children collectively have their second day. i imagine this is confusing for the bus drivers, because the bus never appeared. so at 9:05 another mom eagerly waiting called the school. we were instructed to drive our children in. so, with max and keegan in tow, we ran down the street, stuffed everyone in the minivan and made our way to the school. thankfully there were teachers outside to meet the car riders. they knew about the delayed bus already, met fin at the car and walked him to the spot where his classmates were awaiting his arrival. he was so wrapped up in telling the teacher his bus driver forgot to pick him up that he didnt even say goodbye to me. not exactly the teary eyed first day i had anticipated (even if the tears were to be mine alone). on my way home, i did pass by fins bus, which still had 5 stops to make and would surely be at least 20 minutes late and we were 15 minutes late ourselves.
so after a morning with quality max and keegan time i was prepared to pick fin up at the bus stop. i thought surely the afternoon pickup would go smoothly, after the mornings chaos. how silly of me. school ends at 11:55. max and keegan were totally off schedule after the mixed up morning, so they were passed out cold by 11:40. so i called a neighbor to sit with them while i walked up to meet the bus. i left my house at 12, figuring the 2 minute walk to the top of the street would be sufficient. after a good deal of waiting, a neighbor passed by and told me it was 12:20. hmm. about 5 minutes later, fin arrived, his bus headed in the wrong direction. and then the bus driver proceeded to yell at me to be on time to meet my child. apparantly, i need to be on time, but they dont. considering the school doesnt post a scheduled drop off time for the buses i am not sure how i am supposed to know what on time really means. at any rate, i guess we will figure it out as this staggered approach eventually smooths itself out.
here is is, the big pre-k bus rider...
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
yummy toast
we are working on teeth. max already has two - keegan is still trying to push one through his gums. in the meantime, this cement toast is great to chew on. yes they are nakie babies, the only way to keep the laundry to a minimum.
tennis pro in the making?
these lessons were perhaps the most unorganized "organized" activity fin participated in this month. and of course it was the hottest week of the summer. nonetheless, he had a good time. and that is all the counts.
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