at its finest

n: (on the phone to j)what is all the banging in the background, i can barely hear you? are they doing construction in your building?

j: no. actually they are destroying the old hard drives instead of reusing them.

n: are you kidding me?

j: i wish!

this is the federal government at its finest!

late night coughs

ugh, some virus has creeped into our abode. poor keegy is taking the brunt of it. friday night he woke up with croup at around 11pm. it was 1am before we got him back to sleep, three nebulizer treatments later. he was such a trouper - breathing into the phone so the dr. could diagnose him. luckily we didnt end up in the ER like we did with fin last year. yesterday he woke up improved, but now today he seems worse again. poor little guy! hopefully this is the worst of it - and fingers crossed everyone else remains healthy. thankfully everyone slept well last night and are currently napping well.

j is in the midst of painting the playroom in order to appeal to a wider audience. fingers crossed we are seeing a house tomorrow in edgewater. i saw it early this week with my mom and want take j back to see it too. we are rapidly outgrowing our walls here.

overheard in my house this morning

me: sweetie, can you please clean up your toys - the cleaning ladies are coming today.
fin: well why are they called "the cleaning ladies" if they don't clean up my toys?
me: very good question!

hmm, i think it might be time for new cleaning ladies!

look ma, the leaves are changing colors...

11 months old today

m & k - you are 11 months old today. i can hardly believe in just a few weeks you will be 1.
















m - you are all over the place. set you down, and i swear your little arms and legs are carrying you forward before they even hit the ground. you are pulling up onto anything that will stand still long enough. yesterday i caught you standing on a case of soda to try and reach a magnet on the fridge. i see many an ER visit in our future. this time last year you were still swimming in my belly and trying to break free. you are still such a little peanut with hardly any hair. just a few strands on the top of your head that stand straight up. its gonna be a chilly winter for you my friend. you are the reserved one, who sits back and studies someone before you even consider giving them a smile. you cry at the drop of a hat, but i am onto you - mostly its phoney. you are very picky about the texture of your food and quick to make a face as if i am poisoning you if you are offered anything thicker than a puree. table foods are going to be a slow process for you. but that smile that you give me when i pick you up out of your crib in the morning or after a nap makes it all worth while. i love you sweet boy.

















k - you have mastered the army crawl, and for now it is getting you where you want to be. this morning for the first time, you pulled yourself up to the music table and played there for a good ten minutes resting on your knees. once you figure out how to get up on those feet i am gonna be in trouble. you smile at anything that glances your way, however not anyone can pick you up. you much prefer to be in my arms. you will eat anything i give you, nevermind that you still have no teeth! your smile warms my heart and your babbling brings a smile to my face. i love you chunka munka!

a weekend not spent in the hospital

today, i am thankful to have the monday morning duldrums after a weekend *not* spent in the hospital. this time last year, i had the steroids on board to help boast the boys lung function. i am thankful that i can no longer remember what that steroid was even called. that means i am gaining some real distance. the weekends were always the hardest in the hospital. the hospital food was even worse on the weekends somehow - i dont know how they could ruin a bagel, but they managed to on the weekends. at any rate, i am thankful to have spent my weekend like this....

one year ago today

one year ago today, everything turned upside down. the pregnancy that was filled with joy - a double blessing suddenly became tenuous and fear inducing. the morning began like most others, in a hurry, get fin dressed, get him fed, get him in the car to make it to the drop off line in time for school. then i went to my appointment with dr. l. and never came home. i loved being pregnant, right up until that day - then it became hard work. it was really hard not resenting the pregnancy or my body or some combination of the two for keeping me from my first born. it had absolutely nothing to do with those two beautiful boys growing inside of me, but everything to do with the circumstances. yet somehow, it was all about those two boys growing inside of me. it is hard to explain - harder even to live. i have said this more than once, but being a mother is the hardest job i have ever had. one of the hardest parts, that frankly i am still working on, is dividing my attention. i wont even say dividing it equally, because thats not realistic - but dividing it fairly is hard work!

i am making an effort to spend this month of thanksgiving to be purposefully thankful for what i have in life. i am hoping that this month long challenge will distract me from the memory of where i was 1 year ago.

today i am thankful that i have 3 beautiful, happy and healthy children in my life. if it were not for that appointment on this fateful day one year ago i cant even imagine where i might be today. since my first pregnancy was induced, i was not used to what "normal" contractions felt like and didnt realize i had been having them (likely the cause of my shortened cervix). that appointment saved my two babies - and i am thankful for that!