m&k are closing in on their 16th month of life and it has me wondering about delays and at what point i will stop hearing terms like "adjusted age". it was a long haul for them, those 5 weeks on bedrest and 33 and 40 days of NICU. the reality is that so many moms leave the hospital empty handed or with some percentage of the equation. i feel so lucky to even have them here with me. i can not even fathom what my life would be like right now, had we not been so lucky. and while i count those blessings daily, i am still seeking distance from those days and the terminology that comes along with it. i know that one day k will walk, i have little doubt. and when i discussed the iota of doubt i am having (mostly raised from the questions i get as a mom) with their pediatrician, he dismissed it. but not before mentioning cerebral palsy and other things that afflict preemies. ugh! i thought we were finally at a point where i was crossing things off the list. apparently i am like an open book because when i stopped dead in my tracks, he said "nicole, i am mentioning this because i want you to know that i dont think this is something we are facing here so you dont have thoughts like that spinning around in your head" to which i responded, "thanks for bringing it up, now it eternally lives spinning around in my head." i know i have said this a gagillion times before, but motherhood is hard damn work! i just want to get to the place where i can stress out about things that dont have terms that i first heard in NICU. i want to get to a place where the only terms used about my children are terms of endearment.
on a similar note...
so i am stepping out on a limb and have signed myself up to be a hospital volunteer in the NICU. i know i keep saying that i want distance from those days and this sounds like a funny way to achieve said goal. but i do think it will bring me some peace. i am hoping i can walk out those NICU doors after helping families that are walking in my old shoes and finally take a deep breath.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
and the mother of the year award goes to...
this post is dedicated to denise, because if i dont write about it i am afraid she will!!
we went to the mothers of multiples easter party today. it is always an adventure getting everyone out of the house for things like these - its like i have 4 kids wrangling j. in the mix. somehow he always mysteriously disappears as it is time to get packed up and head to the car to get somewhere. so here i am with 2 screaming kids (because morning naps have to be skipped in order to make it to the party) a 4 year old who is choosing this moment to offer forward a dissertation about why his long sleeved t-shirt is in fact a jacket and an armful of everything that needs to go along with us. and where is j.?? hmm, those of you who know him well, i give you one guess! so needless to say, my stress level is rising, sweat is starting to break out and we are running out the door, always chasing that illusive clock. in the van we go, everyone is buckled up, and j. finally makes his appearance with a calm are you ready look on board. nothing gets me more than this!! so off we go, no directions in hand and get lost of course! on the second try, one potty break later, we find our way and make it to the easter party. we walk in and immediately it hits me that i brought nothing for my children to collect eggs in for the egg hunt. feeling like mother of the year, i dump the dd munchkins i signed up to bring in with some other donuts and viola we have an egg collecting apparatus!! f. was less than pleased, see...
we went to the mothers of multiples easter party today. it is always an adventure getting everyone out of the house for things like these - its like i have 4 kids wrangling j. in the mix. somehow he always mysteriously disappears as it is time to get packed up and head to the car to get somewhere. so here i am with 2 screaming kids (because morning naps have to be skipped in order to make it to the party) a 4 year old who is choosing this moment to offer forward a dissertation about why his long sleeved t-shirt is in fact a jacket and an armful of everything that needs to go along with us. and where is j.?? hmm, those of you who know him well, i give you one guess! so needless to say, my stress level is rising, sweat is starting to break out and we are running out the door, always chasing that illusive clock. in the van we go, everyone is buckled up, and j. finally makes his appearance with a calm are you ready look on board. nothing gets me more than this!! so off we go, no directions in hand and get lost of course! on the second try, one potty break later, we find our way and make it to the easter party. we walk in and immediately it hits me that i brought nothing for my children to collect eggs in for the egg hunt. feeling like mother of the year, i dump the dd munchkins i signed up to bring in with some other donuts and viola we have an egg collecting apparatus!! f. was less than pleased, see...
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
the real housewives of anne arundel county
if you know me at all, you know that i love reality tv. give me a reality marathon and i am set for hours. this addiction, shall we call it, began with the start of "the real world". remember when it was in NYC the first time?! well now with tivo, i can just feed my addiction at will and no commercials to boot. what more could a girl ask for? lately i have been watching the real housewives of orange county and more recently the newer nyc version. i watched an OC episode where these women were served champagne then led back to be checked out by the doctor to see what they needed to "have done", be it botox or restalin or what have you. then, even though many of them had imbibed several cocktails they proceeded to have the work done! to me it just seemed like a grown up version of sorority rush week. mind you, i drank in the whole episode, cause nothing makes better tv than reality! i thought this was a california thing until i checked my mailbox today. this is how the invite read...
"Last year's event was so much fun
We just had to host another one!
Bring a friend or maybe two
Sip some bubbly and learn what's new
Botox, Perlane, Juvederm galore
The latest in skincare is never a bore
A youthful look and luscious Lips
Lots of drawings and special gifts
Join us for this year's "Sip & See"
INSERT CENTER NAME's signature party
April 1st is the date
From Six pm until Eight
There's fun to be had and lots to see
So be sure to call Anna and RSVP"
no thanks! really, do you think my lips need a little something?!? mind you the reason i got this invite is because i went to INSERT CENTER NAME when i was having ocular migranes and needed to have an eye exam. apparently i am on the mailing list. and clearly they are expanding their business model! next season i guess we can look forward to "the real housewives of anne arundel county!"
"Last year's event was so much fun
We just had to host another one!
Bring a friend or maybe two
Sip some bubbly and learn what's new
Botox, Perlane, Juvederm galore
The latest in skincare is never a bore
A youthful look and luscious Lips
Lots of drawings and special gifts
Join us for this year's "Sip & See"
INSERT CENTER NAME's signature party
April 1st is the date
From Six pm until Eight
There's fun to be had and lots to see
So be sure to call Anna and RSVP"
no thanks! really, do you think my lips need a little something?!? mind you the reason i got this invite is because i went to INSERT CENTER NAME when i was having ocular migranes and needed to have an eye exam. apparently i am on the mailing list. and clearly they are expanding their business model! next season i guess we can look forward to "the real housewives of anne arundel county!"
down and down
ugh - i threw my back out somehow between sunday and monday. yesterday was horrific! there is nothing, i mean nothing, like not being able to pick your crying child up to comfort them. thankfully i have a wonderful neighbor who came over and sat with m. & k. while i dragged my sorry arse up to the bus stop to retrieve f. yesterday. i came back with f. and shoved lunch into the boys and laid down and there i remained until j. came home early from work and frankly for the rest of the day. there i was, having a love affair with my heating pad and some leftover c-section medication. i crawled into bed at some point last night hoping i would wake up a new woman. no such luck, while i do feel a bit better, i am not back to normal. its going to be a day of creatively shuffling the kids around to limit actual picking up time. motherhood is tough work, but i highly recommend it!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
happy 15 months boysers!
m&k-
daddy and i decided this week that you two are the snuggliest kids around. we have attributed this to all the early kangaroo time we spent in nicu- please dont ever burst our bubble as this is a great way for us to get over that nicu experience. i know, i know, we need to get past it already! both of you will come over just to get a good snuggle in. you crash your head into our shoulders with purpose and accompany this with a lovely "ahh" or similar coo-like sound. it melts my heart each and every time. if one of you should come to snuggle without having consulted the other - an all out snuggle war has been known to ensue. i am in heaven on earth when this happens.
k - you have finally decided to stand without holding on to anything. and you are so so proud of yourself. you get your giggle on and then fall down because you are laughing so hard in glee. you are getting so tall, although i dont know how because you refuse virtually all food with the exception of peaches, milk and the occasional carbohydrate.
m- you are busy perfecting your whining skills. oh how i can not wait until the words come. i am on to you though and am learning not to cave each and every time. most times if i whine back you will break out into riotous laughter. you are running everywhere these days. apparently walking is just too slow for you.
tomorrow you have your 15 month checkup - i cant wait to see the stats!
until then - i love you both so much. happy 15 month birthday boys!
love,
mama
daddy and i decided this week that you two are the snuggliest kids around. we have attributed this to all the early kangaroo time we spent in nicu- please dont ever burst our bubble as this is a great way for us to get over that nicu experience. i know, i know, we need to get past it already! both of you will come over just to get a good snuggle in. you crash your head into our shoulders with purpose and accompany this with a lovely "ahh" or similar coo-like sound. it melts my heart each and every time. if one of you should come to snuggle without having consulted the other - an all out snuggle war has been known to ensue. i am in heaven on earth when this happens.
k - you have finally decided to stand without holding on to anything. and you are so so proud of yourself. you get your giggle on and then fall down because you are laughing so hard in glee. you are getting so tall, although i dont know how because you refuse virtually all food with the exception of peaches, milk and the occasional carbohydrate.
m- you are busy perfecting your whining skills. oh how i can not wait until the words come. i am on to you though and am learning not to cave each and every time. most times if i whine back you will break out into riotous laughter. you are running everywhere these days. apparently walking is just too slow for you.
tomorrow you have your 15 month checkup - i cant wait to see the stats!
until then - i love you both so much. happy 15 month birthday boys!
love,
mama
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
wacky wednesday
as a part of a dr. seuss birthday celebration week at the elementary school, today was wacky wednesday. this is how my child participated...
sadly when he got off of the bus, he said that no one else had participated. i felt terrible and wondered if my mommy mush brain had gotten in the way - which thankfully it didnt. i dont know if this is a case of 4 year olds not knowing how to recognize "wacky" in their counterparts or a lack of school spirit. at least he had fun...
sadly when he got off of the bus, he said that no one else had participated. i felt terrible and wondered if my mommy mush brain had gotten in the way - which thankfully it didnt. i dont know if this is a case of 4 year olds not knowing how to recognize "wacky" in their counterparts or a lack of school spirit. at least he had fun...
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