bye, bye binkie

yesterday i had to throw max's binkie in the trash. he had actually worn a tear in it! i don't know why, but it made me sad to throw it out. one of the first tricks that max and keegan learned in the nicu, besides breathing that is, was to suck on a binkie. they became soo attached to these nicu binkies, that i have been unable to get them to take any other binkie. and of course i can't find these hospital issued binkies in any store to replace them. so since their birth, they have each had the same binkie. in a way, i suppose, it was like a tie to those nicu days. i remember a few days where my only goal in the nicu was to teach max how to use the binkie, in hopes that he would catch on to breastfeeding as well. the "binkie olympics" one of the nurses had called it. i constantly find myself in this strange place where i am saddened to leave a nicu moment like this behind, but at the same time can't wait to somehow be relieved of all the sadness that the nicu brought into my life. it is a very strange place to exist. its hard to explain and i know that some other nicu moms would probably understand exactly what i mean. so bye, bye binkie it is. and here is hoping that max was really done with it, or will except a substitute non-nicu replacement. wish us luck!