Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
implausible utterings
lately i find words coming out of my mouth that i thought i would never utter. here is just a small collection:
there are also those things that slip out that i am certain i rolled my eyes to when they were no doubt directed at me 30 years ago:
lastly, and somehow now unabashedly...
what do you find yourself saying that you once thought implausible?
- could you please stop putting train tracks down your shirt?
- please take your finger out of your brother's ear.
- stop licking the television.
- no, his name is barack obama, not iraq obama.
- stop hitting your brother over the head with your milk cup!
there are also those things that slip out that i am certain i rolled my eyes to when they were no doubt directed at me 30 years ago:
- where are your manners?
- did you flush?
- no you can not have french fries for breakfast.
lastly, and somehow now unabashedly...
- yes, i do, i love my minivan.
what do you find yourself saying that you once thought implausible?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
a historic day
as the clock turned to 12 noon today j., m&k, and i sat around the kitchen table watching the 44th president take the oath of the presidency. i am certain that m&k wont remember this day, but i will always remember sharing the lunch with them on this historic day.
since my two two year olds are closely hinged to their schedules they went down for their nap before president obama even began his inaugural speech. but as i watched, i was most struck by president obama's conviction, grace and hope. today i am even more hopeful about the future of our country. i am even more hopeful about the future of my children growing up in this country. today was a historic day.
since my two two year olds are closely hinged to their schedules they went down for their nap before president obama even began his inaugural speech. but as i watched, i was most struck by president obama's conviction, grace and hope. today i am even more hopeful about the future of our country. i am even more hopeful about the future of my children growing up in this country. today was a historic day.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
every once and awhile there's a benefit
yesterday i volunteered at the hospital. on my way there i was thinking, maybe i should just play hooky and get a pedicure. i still get an anxious feeling when i am closing in on the hospital. but the thing is, when i leave, i am always glad i went. walking up those stairs to the NICU is, for me, a mental challenge like no other. those were such hard days and i know that by walking in there, i am about to open myself up to families who are in that raw and vulnerable spot where i once lived myself. its such a difficult spot. i see my role as a volunteer is to listen, share a bit of my experience, offer advice when solicited, answer questions that only another NICU mom would understand, and hopefully give a little boost of spirits.
i was a bit caught off guard yesterday though when i met a mom who was brand new to the NICU experience. her son was not even one week old. i am often nervous introducing myself beccause i never really know what i am walking in on. is it a good day for them or one of those terribly depressing NICU days that hit you like a ton of bricks? the social worker had asked me to check in on this family, because they were asking for support. so after i introduced myself and mentioned that the social worker has asked me to look in on them, i was somehow still surprised at the raw vulnerablility when the first thing the mom said to me was that she felt soo guilty that her son was there and could i just talk to her. she was on the verge of tears. the thing i couldnt tell her is that i am still grappling with that guilt, she didnt need to hear that, i suspect she will learn that on her own in the days, months and even years to come. i did rub her shoulder and tell her i know exactly how hard it is. that no one asks to be there and that she should just try to throw herself into being a mom by getting as involved as she can with taking care of the newest person in her life.
the thing about being a mom is that guilt is always going to be a part of the equation. you are always going to think you could have done something better, or that you could have controlled your temper better, or that you shouldnt resent changing the 15 billionth diaper because one day they wont need your help anymore. i didnt have any shining answer for that mom, because when you become a mom, your needs become secondary at best. guilt is just part of the equation.
today a headline on a preemies organization caught my eye. it read "Babies Placed In Incubators Decrease Risk Of Depression As Adults." WOW! what it comes down to is that the environment in the incubator is soo controlled that there is less stress for the child. in conclusion the article states that starting life in an incubator "is a trigger for a complex chain of biological and emotional factors that helped decrease depression." they even acknowledged that children that start life in incubators are often offered more emotional support by their mothers throughout childhood because they were perceived as more vulnerable. no kidding - now we just need the study of the emotional wellbeing of the mothers of those children in incubators. i bet they find a connection to guilt. guilt is just part of the equation.
i was a bit caught off guard yesterday though when i met a mom who was brand new to the NICU experience. her son was not even one week old. i am often nervous introducing myself beccause i never really know what i am walking in on. is it a good day for them or one of those terribly depressing NICU days that hit you like a ton of bricks? the social worker had asked me to check in on this family, because they were asking for support. so after i introduced myself and mentioned that the social worker has asked me to look in on them, i was somehow still surprised at the raw vulnerablility when the first thing the mom said to me was that she felt soo guilty that her son was there and could i just talk to her. she was on the verge of tears. the thing i couldnt tell her is that i am still grappling with that guilt, she didnt need to hear that, i suspect she will learn that on her own in the days, months and even years to come. i did rub her shoulder and tell her i know exactly how hard it is. that no one asks to be there and that she should just try to throw herself into being a mom by getting as involved as she can with taking care of the newest person in her life.
the thing about being a mom is that guilt is always going to be a part of the equation. you are always going to think you could have done something better, or that you could have controlled your temper better, or that you shouldnt resent changing the 15 billionth diaper because one day they wont need your help anymore. i didnt have any shining answer for that mom, because when you become a mom, your needs become secondary at best. guilt is just part of the equation.
today a headline on a preemies organization caught my eye. it read "Babies Placed In Incubators Decrease Risk Of Depression As Adults." WOW! what it comes down to is that the environment in the incubator is soo controlled that there is less stress for the child. in conclusion the article states that starting life in an incubator "is a trigger for a complex chain of biological and emotional factors that helped decrease depression." they even acknowledged that children that start life in incubators are often offered more emotional support by their mothers throughout childhood because they were perceived as more vulnerable. no kidding - now we just need the study of the emotional wellbeing of the mothers of those children in incubators. i bet they find a connection to guilt. guilt is just part of the equation.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Wii
this month is flying right by me. before it totally escapes i should post about at least some of what we have been up to since santa made his deliveries. mostly we have been Wii'ing. i have to say, these games are a lot of fun. i love that f. can participate and that he is playing a video game that is active. so far he loves the bowling and the boxing the best. he is actually pretty good at both. i am really enjoying the bowling as well and the Wii Fit. about three quarters of the way through my first session i realized i had the balance board backwards, which may have accounted for my poor balance and all those soccer cleats and panda heads smacking me square in the head! but nonetheless, we are having fun. Wii.
m&k will start in a little preschool through the infant and toddlers program later this month. it is once every other week for about an hour. but it is drop off. i have to admit, i am a bit anxious to see how this will go. hopefully i can keep my own emotions in check, because i am sure that m&k are going to be pretty vocal about the whole separation bit.
lastly, tomorrow night, f. will be conducting his school's band for one song during their first ever winter concert. i am soo excited for him and can't wait to see how it all plays out. i am praying that anxiety doesnt rear its ugly head and that he can enjoy this fun event like a regular ole 5 year old! stay tuned.
m&k will start in a little preschool through the infant and toddlers program later this month. it is once every other week for about an hour. but it is drop off. i have to admit, i am a bit anxious to see how this will go. hopefully i can keep my own emotions in check, because i am sure that m&k are going to be pretty vocal about the whole separation bit.
lastly, tomorrow night, f. will be conducting his school's band for one song during their first ever winter concert. i am soo excited for him and can't wait to see how it all plays out. i am praying that anxiety doesnt rear its ugly head and that he can enjoy this fun event like a regular ole 5 year old! stay tuned.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
in review
its that time of year, when we find ourselves looking backwards. a quick recap of 2008:
jan 08
such is life with children, we rang in the new year with a bit of a puke fest.
just days into the new year, we discover that in fact k. just has a big head. no need for concern.
nearly mid-month m. takes his first steps.
f. begins to pick out his own wardrobe daily, which can lead to some strange fashion statements. he also decides that his new name should be "jonas".
j. interviews for a job in texas, thankfully not everything is bigger in texas.
feb 08
we put our house on the market and begin with the disappointments of losing out on house after house.
we debate the possibility of more children in our future.
f. declares that Jesus is a woman.
m.&k. each get about 50 teeth in one week.
mar 08
k. stands unassisted.
f. participates in dressing up for wacky day at school, but claims no one else participated.
we celebrate easter with the MOMs club. however, i forget to bring baskets so my child has to collect eggs in a used dun.kin donuts munch.kin box.
we get an offer on our house, which is $100K less than our asking price. we choose not to respond.
i start to officially volunteer in the hospital, visiting with NICU families and bedresters.
apr 08
i get away for a much needed weekend with MOMs club friends.
k. takes his first steps!
i turn 30-something. again.
we continue to show our house to prospective buyers, as often as three times to one buyer, still no offer.
i tag along on a field trip with f., which is cut short by a crime scene. gotta love b'more.
may 08
mothers day is not exactly romantic - only my close friends know the real story.
my children try desperately to drive me right over the edge.
we take our house off the market for a bit of a break.
i clean up an unseemly amount of puke all month long!
jun 08
f. has a panic attack at school. my heart breaks a little.
f. turns 5!
we make a family trek to the b'more zoo and hand feed the giraffes. f. and daddy ride a camel.
m. & k. love the penguins and do not want to leave the exhibit.
we go strawberry picking with the MOMs club and our buddy pop.
i begin to realize that i am likely living in a never ending episode of when animals attack.
j.'s mom is diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer.
we travel to connecticut to celebrate a 90th birthday and discover that some "all-suites" hotels have very liberal interpretations of the word suite.
jul 08
m. & k. have friends over for a picnic.
we go peach picking.
i make my first call to poison control.
j. accepts a new job!!
f. takes swimming lessons.
we make a trip to PA to see j.'s recovering mom. j. leaves our packed bags at home, just to make it interesting.
aug 08
we take a family vacation without incident.
f. starts kindergarden!
we put the house back on the market, hoping for better luck this time.
my wallet is stolen, leading to a high speed chase by no one because the police could care less.
sept 08
we get an email offer on our house from someone in venuzula who would like to wire money into our account and buy the house sight unseen. we decline.
sarah palin surfaces, providing lots of good content for democrats everywhere.
i get away for the weekend with some girlfriends, hurricane hanna be damned.
the person who stole my wallet actually trys to check books out of the public library using my library card.
oct 08
we get and accept an offer on the house!
we look at about 29 million houses before finally finding the perfect house.
i begin a twelve step program to ween myself away from the new tar.get in annapolis.
we have a good visit with the in-laws, i am prophetic in declaring it incredible.
nov 08
finally, someone i vote for is elected to become the next president of the united states!
we move into our new house and celebrate thanksgiving all in one week.
f. starts his new school and makes me soo proud!
we spend the rest of the month unpacking.
dec 08
m. & k. turn 2!
i get away for a weekend with my mom and sister to celebrate an Oh birthday.
f. volunteers with me at the hospital, finally creating a good memory for him of the hospital.
we celebrate christmas in our new home.
the in-laws descend and restore their world order, forgoing warm hearts and love for children everywhere.
jan 08
such is life with children, we rang in the new year with a bit of a puke fest.
just days into the new year, we discover that in fact k. just has a big head. no need for concern.
nearly mid-month m. takes his first steps.
f. begins to pick out his own wardrobe daily, which can lead to some strange fashion statements. he also decides that his new name should be "jonas".
j. interviews for a job in texas, thankfully not everything is bigger in texas.
feb 08
we put our house on the market and begin with the disappointments of losing out on house after house.
we debate the possibility of more children in our future.
f. declares that Jesus is a woman.
m.&k. each get about 50 teeth in one week.
mar 08
k. stands unassisted.
f. participates in dressing up for wacky day at school, but claims no one else participated.
we celebrate easter with the MOMs club. however, i forget to bring baskets so my child has to collect eggs in a used dun.kin donuts munch.kin box.
we get an offer on our house, which is $100K less than our asking price. we choose not to respond.
i start to officially volunteer in the hospital, visiting with NICU families and bedresters.
apr 08
i get away for a much needed weekend with MOMs club friends.
k. takes his first steps!
i turn 30-something. again.
we continue to show our house to prospective buyers, as often as three times to one buyer, still no offer.
i tag along on a field trip with f., which is cut short by a crime scene. gotta love b'more.
may 08
mothers day is not exactly romantic - only my close friends know the real story.
my children try desperately to drive me right over the edge.
we take our house off the market for a bit of a break.
i clean up an unseemly amount of puke all month long!
jun 08
f. has a panic attack at school. my heart breaks a little.
f. turns 5!
we make a family trek to the b'more zoo and hand feed the giraffes. f. and daddy ride a camel.
m. & k. love the penguins and do not want to leave the exhibit.
we go strawberry picking with the MOMs club and our buddy pop.
i begin to realize that i am likely living in a never ending episode of when animals attack.
j.'s mom is diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer.
we travel to connecticut to celebrate a 90th birthday and discover that some "all-suites" hotels have very liberal interpretations of the word suite.
jul 08
m. & k. have friends over for a picnic.
we go peach picking.
i make my first call to poison control.
j. accepts a new job!!
f. takes swimming lessons.
we make a trip to PA to see j.'s recovering mom. j. leaves our packed bags at home, just to make it interesting.
aug 08
we take a family vacation without incident.
f. starts kindergarden!
we put the house back on the market, hoping for better luck this time.
my wallet is stolen, leading to a high speed chase by no one because the police could care less.
sept 08
we get an email offer on our house from someone in venuzula who would like to wire money into our account and buy the house sight unseen. we decline.
sarah palin surfaces, providing lots of good content for democrats everywhere.
i get away for the weekend with some girlfriends, hurricane hanna be damned.
the person who stole my wallet actually trys to check books out of the public library using my library card.
oct 08
we get and accept an offer on the house!
we look at about 29 million houses before finally finding the perfect house.
i begin a twelve step program to ween myself away from the new tar.get in annapolis.
we have a good visit with the in-laws, i am prophetic in declaring it incredible.
nov 08
finally, someone i vote for is elected to become the next president of the united states!
we move into our new house and celebrate thanksgiving all in one week.
f. starts his new school and makes me soo proud!
we spend the rest of the month unpacking.
dec 08
m. & k. turn 2!
i get away for a weekend with my mom and sister to celebrate an Oh birthday.
f. volunteers with me at the hospital, finally creating a good memory for him of the hospital.
we celebrate christmas in our new home.
the in-laws descend and restore their world order, forgoing warm hearts and love for children everywhere.
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