my head is all over the place

yesterday was just one of those days. up, down, all around - the kind that has you wondering is this just life or am i freakin' bipolar?!? we didnt really have any plans, so we just sort of drifted around. it was maryland hot and humid, like disgustingly so. we went to the park, but even fin was too hot to play. so we walked down to the water and just sat and watched the boats. i love that i can do this in my own town. we saw a blue heron and some unidentified fish(?) in the water. fin was convinced it was two sharks - it still has me wondering. even though it was depressingly hot, we had fun together. max and keegan were little sleeping angels and it was a good outing.

when i got home i made some phone calls, checked email, just plain caught up. i was talking to a good friend, and it was soo nice to be asked how i was doing. not just the hey how are you - but the really, tell me how you are managing. you have been through a lot, how are you feeling i want to hear your answer kind of question. the thing is, i feel like i am a walking mixed review. some days i am feeling soo blessed to have such a full family. max and keegan really are great babies, they let me sleep, they entertain each other, they clearly love their big brother, and lets face it, they are cute (no bias here)! fin is growing up before my very eyes. he is so very expressive and communicative, which blows my mind at least once a day. the things he says crack me up (see fly on wall post). on the other hand, when i said to the pediatrician this week, that i ought to just move in, he agreed and says, so who are we seeing today! ok, i have been there way too much. being a mom of a preemie is hard work. max and keegan got accepted into the infant and toddlers program this week. its sort of a good news/bad news scenerio. its a great program, but their acceptance means they are delayed. in some areas, they are only performing like a 3 month old. i know in the long run everything will be ok, its just draining some days. and if keegan gets pink eye one more time, i am going to cry myself to sleep. so my response to my great friend was sort of a mixed bag - which she totally understood.

also, yesterday, i learned that a fellow mother of multiples, who recently delivered her twins at 26 weeks, lost one of her babies. my heart just aches for this woman i have not yet met. i cant help but think, that could of been me. i entered the hospital at 26 weeks and by the grace of god was able to hold on until 31 weeks. i cant imagine what this mom is going through. the nicu days are soo hard and i am crying just thinking about what she is facing. i pray that she has good support. her babies were born in the 1 lb range - just soo tiny. it takes me back to those raw days. i remember holding keegan the first time and the first thing he did was cry. and i thought, i am soo not ready for this. but the nurse was wonderful and knew what to do right away. and keegan snuggled in for his first kangaroo session and he was soo warm and soo tiny. he fit right on my chest and just loved me. it was beautiful. and i can just hope that this poor mom got to have at least one moment like that with her lost child. meanwhile, here i am complaining about pink eye.

then the phone rings, and it is the home health care nurse who visited us the first few weeks that max and keegan were home. i need help she said. i have a mother of multiples right now who is just lost. can you give me the number for the MOMs group, she asked. this is a great support group and i am feeling lucky to be a part of it.

anyway - enough brain dump. early this week, i was watching a show about a mother of quints and she said summed things up by saying that she would rather have her hands full than empty any day. what a beautiful response to the onlookers who tactlessly say, boy you sure do have your hands full. amen sister!

really, when did that happen?!?!

i have a 4 year old! i really can't believe it. it seems like only yesterday he was learning to crawl, and then walk. it is crazy. we have celebrated his birthday to death really. granny and pop came last weekend, before their bon voyage, to kick start the celebrations. on thursday we went to chuck e. cheese with 10 of fin's friends and then our dear friends from ithaca came for a sleepover celebration. then on saturday (the actual bday) we went to the national zoo with the in-laws (insert your own in-law/zoo appropriateness joke here). the grand finale was the presentation of his gift from jon and i. this picture really captures it...

fly on the wall

if you were a fly on the wall, here are some things you might have overheard recently in my house:

fin: have a great time on your cruise granny! i hope you make lots of new friends
granny: ok, i will!
fin: i hope you get lots of sweet love from your new friends.

_________

fin: mommy, max is really cuter than keegan you know.
mommy: hmm

_________

jon: come on hun, do you wanna - you know (wink, wink)
me: are you on crack?!

_________

me: keegan, you are a mess!
keegan: hee, hee!!

_________

mil: how do you tell them apart?!
me: (i can't believe i am hearing this in my own home)

dumb things you do when managing 3 kids at once

i feel silly even sharing this, but i know one day i will read this again and laugh at the absurdity. we were leaving the drs office today, all three kiddos in tow, all three kiddos hungry and a prescription to take to the pharmacy thanks to the computers being down at said drs. office. so in the minivan we pile. i thought, i will just feed max and keegan in the van and then head to the pharmacy. not a bad plan. fin was even a good helper (until he learned that i had big kid snacks in my enormous diaper bag as well). so i turned the air on (see prior post about humidity getting to me) and climbed in the way back with fin. this gave me the perfect vantage point to max and keegan, both securely strapped in their rear facing car seats. it was a smooth feeding session, which was a bonus. now all there was to do was to exit the van and climb in the drivers seat and go to the pharmacy. enter child safety locks! turns out i was locked in the back of the van with three kids! well, at least the air conditioning was running and all three were fed. after some acrobatics and temporarily relocating keegan and the aforementioned enormo diaper bag i was just barely able to reach the keys in the ignition to pull them out to use the remote to open the back door. i have to admit that much of the child safety devices are really adult proof as well! oh well, maybe tomorrow i will actually behave like a brunette!

deer ticks and other things i loathe about maryland

over the weekend, we discovered a deer tick attached to fin's belly - just above his navel. jon has noticed the day before, but thought it was a scab. when i saw it, and investigated further we discovered it was a deer tick. ugh - it had been attached for at least 24 hours!! two neighbors on the cul-de-sac already have lyme's disease and a dog lost his life to it. great - just what we need! so off to the drs we went today and now fin will be on antibiotics for the next 20 days (recommended by the CDC for endemnic areas like maryland). i am fed up with the ticks. and the humidity is really getting to me as well! it is only june! apparantly the deer ticks thrive on humidity as well - another reason to loathe it! oh sweet maryland - good thing you offer yummy steamed crabs or we would be so outta here!

fast friends

the boys are really becoming fast friends. all three of them, which just warms my heart! when i was pregnant i was so worried that fin would get lost in the shuffle when these two little boys arrived. when we found out they were boys, i felt a little better. but fin was upset, because we had been talking about 1 boy and 1 girl (as all the twins in my family have occurred). he wanted to know what happened to his girl. he has definitely gotten over that. he is so proud of his brothers, and sings them songs when they are sad or plugs them up with their binkies when they are loud. what a great helper!

max and keegan are really gaining interest in each other. they look around the room when they enter a new room to see who is there, looking for their counterpart. they hold hands and pull on each others clothes, ears, whatever they can get hold of at the time. they smile at each other and chatter to each other. its great fun to watch. here are some recent pics. it has been awhile since i posted any pics.
















max, fin, keegan hanging out watching baby einstein





















there isnt much keegan wont eat - fingers are great in a pinch!






















sleepy max
















yummy avocado - keegan is a messy eater!!

















love thy brother (keegan left, max right)

















couldnt resist!

dr. visit without a helper

well, it was certainly interesting visiting the dr. today without the help of my mom or jon. i have been with the two of them before alone, but just when only one baby was seeing the dr. managing both was a different story. all in all it went well - it was a little hairy trying to calm them both down after the shots. the nurse was nice enough to wait until i had keegan calmed down before giving max his shots. but as soon as i picked max up to console him, she was gone and then keegan was upset again. they are getting hard to pick up at once - and my back complains if i do too much of that.

overall, max and keegan were very well behaved for the appointment and are growing on a nice curve. max weighs 15lb 9oz and keegan weighs 18lb 13oz! not bad for 31 weekers! keegan is an inch longer than his brother and has two inches more in the head circ. funny how that little peanut turned into the big guy. even the nurse called him a chunky monkey.

as mentioned, we saw a developmental specialist today as opposed to our regular pediatrician. she was very thorough. they have been watching max carefully with his umbilical hernia and hydrocele - both are almost rectified! so that was good news. in addition to the regular check up questions, the specialist performed a number of tests to see how the motor skills, muscle tone, socialization, etc of the boys compares with other 6 month old babies. she did say they were very socially engaged, which can be in our favor for language development. but basically, they are more in line with their adjusted age of 4 months. keegan has low muscle tone, which she anticipated causing some motor delays. ie, he is a chunker and it will be harder for him to roll over, sit up, etc. he needs a lot of tummy time to build his upper body strength and core strength. she was concerned about max's torticollis because not only is his neck favoring one side, but his core is as well. he needs some physical therapy. we called the infant and toddler program today, and hopefully he will be accepted. the program runs through the public school system, is free and provides in-home service. the in-home part is really appealing to me given the logistics of getting out with all three once a week for PT. i also asked the ITP to evaluate keegan to see about the muscle tone and some gagging problems he has been having with being spoon fed. the specialist wants to see them back when they are 10 mos. old to be sure all is in order.

being the mom of a preemie is a totally different experience than what i have had with fin. max and keegan are amazing little kiddos and we are soo blessed with their good health. yet there have been a ton more drs. appointments than with fin and more stress watching for milestones, etc. plus, it is hard not to compare them to one another - let alone other 6 mo. babies. i am very grateful to live in an area where all of these services are at our fingertips.

later this month fin has his 4 year checkup - i can hardly believe he is going to be 4!!