bye, bye binkie

yesterday i had to throw max's binkie in the trash. he had actually worn a tear in it! i don't know why, but it made me sad to throw it out. one of the first tricks that max and keegan learned in the nicu, besides breathing that is, was to suck on a binkie. they became soo attached to these nicu binkies, that i have been unable to get them to take any other binkie. and of course i can't find these hospital issued binkies in any store to replace them. so since their birth, they have each had the same binkie. in a way, i suppose, it was like a tie to those nicu days. i remember a few days where my only goal in the nicu was to teach max how to use the binkie, in hopes that he would catch on to breastfeeding as well. the "binkie olympics" one of the nurses had called it. i constantly find myself in this strange place where i am saddened to leave a nicu moment like this behind, but at the same time can't wait to somehow be relieved of all the sadness that the nicu brought into my life. it is a very strange place to exist. its hard to explain and i know that some other nicu moms would probably understand exactly what i mean. so bye, bye binkie it is. and here is hoping that max was really done with it, or will except a substitute non-nicu replacement. wish us luck!

7 mos. and counting

ok, so i missed their 7 mo. b-day for posting purposes anyway. hopefully this adorable picture will make up for it. both boys are sitting up now and rolling from back to front! they started physical therapy yesterday through the county program - and we love the therapist. she is very kind and clearly loves kids. she has showed us a few tricks already! thank you t.!
















fin has started summer camp this week. you know, i love this little boy to death, but we were really getting on each others nerves. next year i will consider more summer camp! i was told that 4 was going to be better than 3 - but not really sure that is the case in this house anyway. the backtalking is really the worst. i have been promised that 5 is a great age. here's hoping!

when my sister and i were growing up, my mom took our picture next to a birthday candle just like this one each year. now there are two collages that hang in my parents dining room. one for n. and one for me. its a great way to see the progression over the years. jon found me a candle on ebay just like what i had growing up for fin. you really can find everything on ebay. growing up, sometimes the pictures were taken a little late, as a mom of 3, now i totally appreciate that. we just took fin's picture yesterday for his 4th birthday. he is getting so big. one day, when i make that collage of 20 pictures , i will forget all about how nasty 4 can be!

fit of giggles

i meant to post about this weeks ago. on a recent night, fin and i were invited to join some good friends for ice cream. not known to turn down ice cream, we gladly accepted. so our friends picked us up, and off we went. it amuses me listening to 4 year olds converse - the longtime pals were in the back chatting away. excitement was in the air. when we got there, fin was soo excited (we all were -after all it was coldstone creamery) that he ran up to get the door and hold it for all of us. in his utter state of excitement he got ahead of himself. he actually bounced off of the front door and landed flat on his arse. it was one of those moments where you couldnt help but laugh out loud. the customers and workers inside the store were laughing as well. last night as i was falling asleep, something triggered this memory and again i burst into a fit of giggles. motherhood is often amusing!

note: no children were harmed in the effort to enjoy this sweet treat!

my head is all over the place

yesterday was just one of those days. up, down, all around - the kind that has you wondering is this just life or am i freakin' bipolar?!? we didnt really have any plans, so we just sort of drifted around. it was maryland hot and humid, like disgustingly so. we went to the park, but even fin was too hot to play. so we walked down to the water and just sat and watched the boats. i love that i can do this in my own town. we saw a blue heron and some unidentified fish(?) in the water. fin was convinced it was two sharks - it still has me wondering. even though it was depressingly hot, we had fun together. max and keegan were little sleeping angels and it was a good outing.

when i got home i made some phone calls, checked email, just plain caught up. i was talking to a good friend, and it was soo nice to be asked how i was doing. not just the hey how are you - but the really, tell me how you are managing. you have been through a lot, how are you feeling i want to hear your answer kind of question. the thing is, i feel like i am a walking mixed review. some days i am feeling soo blessed to have such a full family. max and keegan really are great babies, they let me sleep, they entertain each other, they clearly love their big brother, and lets face it, they are cute (no bias here)! fin is growing up before my very eyes. he is so very expressive and communicative, which blows my mind at least once a day. the things he says crack me up (see fly on wall post). on the other hand, when i said to the pediatrician this week, that i ought to just move in, he agreed and says, so who are we seeing today! ok, i have been there way too much. being a mom of a preemie is hard work. max and keegan got accepted into the infant and toddlers program this week. its sort of a good news/bad news scenerio. its a great program, but their acceptance means they are delayed. in some areas, they are only performing like a 3 month old. i know in the long run everything will be ok, its just draining some days. and if keegan gets pink eye one more time, i am going to cry myself to sleep. so my response to my great friend was sort of a mixed bag - which she totally understood.

also, yesterday, i learned that a fellow mother of multiples, who recently delivered her twins at 26 weeks, lost one of her babies. my heart just aches for this woman i have not yet met. i cant help but think, that could of been me. i entered the hospital at 26 weeks and by the grace of god was able to hold on until 31 weeks. i cant imagine what this mom is going through. the nicu days are soo hard and i am crying just thinking about what she is facing. i pray that she has good support. her babies were born in the 1 lb range - just soo tiny. it takes me back to those raw days. i remember holding keegan the first time and the first thing he did was cry. and i thought, i am soo not ready for this. but the nurse was wonderful and knew what to do right away. and keegan snuggled in for his first kangaroo session and he was soo warm and soo tiny. he fit right on my chest and just loved me. it was beautiful. and i can just hope that this poor mom got to have at least one moment like that with her lost child. meanwhile, here i am complaining about pink eye.

then the phone rings, and it is the home health care nurse who visited us the first few weeks that max and keegan were home. i need help she said. i have a mother of multiples right now who is just lost. can you give me the number for the MOMs group, she asked. this is a great support group and i am feeling lucky to be a part of it.

anyway - enough brain dump. early this week, i was watching a show about a mother of quints and she said summed things up by saying that she would rather have her hands full than empty any day. what a beautiful response to the onlookers who tactlessly say, boy you sure do have your hands full. amen sister!

really, when did that happen?!?!

i have a 4 year old! i really can't believe it. it seems like only yesterday he was learning to crawl, and then walk. it is crazy. we have celebrated his birthday to death really. granny and pop came last weekend, before their bon voyage, to kick start the celebrations. on thursday we went to chuck e. cheese with 10 of fin's friends and then our dear friends from ithaca came for a sleepover celebration. then on saturday (the actual bday) we went to the national zoo with the in-laws (insert your own in-law/zoo appropriateness joke here). the grand finale was the presentation of his gift from jon and i. this picture really captures it...

fly on the wall

if you were a fly on the wall, here are some things you might have overheard recently in my house:

fin: have a great time on your cruise granny! i hope you make lots of new friends
granny: ok, i will!
fin: i hope you get lots of sweet love from your new friends.

_________

fin: mommy, max is really cuter than keegan you know.
mommy: hmm

_________

jon: come on hun, do you wanna - you know (wink, wink)
me: are you on crack?!

_________

me: keegan, you are a mess!
keegan: hee, hee!!

_________

mil: how do you tell them apart?!
me: (i can't believe i am hearing this in my own home)

dumb things you do when managing 3 kids at once

i feel silly even sharing this, but i know one day i will read this again and laugh at the absurdity. we were leaving the drs office today, all three kiddos in tow, all three kiddos hungry and a prescription to take to the pharmacy thanks to the computers being down at said drs. office. so in the minivan we pile. i thought, i will just feed max and keegan in the van and then head to the pharmacy. not a bad plan. fin was even a good helper (until he learned that i had big kid snacks in my enormous diaper bag as well). so i turned the air on (see prior post about humidity getting to me) and climbed in the way back with fin. this gave me the perfect vantage point to max and keegan, both securely strapped in their rear facing car seats. it was a smooth feeding session, which was a bonus. now all there was to do was to exit the van and climb in the drivers seat and go to the pharmacy. enter child safety locks! turns out i was locked in the back of the van with three kids! well, at least the air conditioning was running and all three were fed. after some acrobatics and temporarily relocating keegan and the aforementioned enormo diaper bag i was just barely able to reach the keys in the ignition to pull them out to use the remote to open the back door. i have to admit that much of the child safety devices are really adult proof as well! oh well, maybe tomorrow i will actually behave like a brunette!